Thursday, July 29, 2010

Mr. Big

How could I of all people be corrupted by corporate America and secretly enjoy this bizarre turn of events? I must confess I'm falling for the fairytale dream. I really shouldn't be making this fact public, now my tough girl persona is shot to hell. Damn it! I've tried my whole life not to fit in and conform to the norm for fear of being "normal." I don't want to be like anyone else. I don't want to be brainwashed by societies expectations and rules. Funny thing is slowly but surely I am losing the battle against being alternative. Does this mean you will one day see me driving a mini van and watching daytime television or American Idol or for that matter ever understand the fascination with the Twilight saga, hell no.
But, what I have been shown that it is possible to have the traditional without giving up who I am and what I want out of life. If you get lucky enough you might just find someone who is just as big a risk taker and driven. But, is it too good to be true?
I always figured M was Mr. Big, when in reality he was so far from it. There were no grand gestures, no "Hey stranger," no goose bumps, no let me loan you the down payment on your apartment. M never was my friend let along my soul mate (I hate this word), he is a golden pussy and I was the fun girl. But Mr. Big does exist and sometimes there is no commit issue, affair or years of heartbreak. Sometimes it's perfect and the obstacles have meaning and closure because at the end of this journey it's just the two of you against the world, which is pretty fucking awesome.
In less than a year the most amazing things can happen and some of the most tragic and painful. While I can't blame M for the deaths and nature disasters that occurred I would put one hundred percent fault on the jackass sewer rat (aka M) for the emotional trauma his words caused me. If it were just that I sat in my bedroom watching Sex and The City on repeat, eating bonbons (what exactly are bonbons? Is it a truffle or a candy?), making friends with Ben & Jerry and the pizza delivery guy I highly doubt I would still be holding this much resentment and anger against him. (Think the greeting card idea is a brilliant idea by the way. Thanks Love Bites fans.)
But, like I just stated I am not one to follow the flow or go by the books in life or love. I'm not the type to sit around and wait for time to past in hopes that the calendar holds the cure to my pain. I'll be honest there was a period where I did feel depressed and heartbroken and as a result my personal life began effecting my business. For the most part this is why I'm still pissed off at M. Thankfully in just eight weeks of writing on this blog I was success at removing the haunted ghost from my daily life. Yet, even after I got my closure I have continued to write.
I was talking to an old friend today and they pointed out that the frequency of our blogs is far less than before. While we still try very hard to write something noteworthy everyday we had lost the time and bitterness to write multiple entries. Maybe one day I'll stop writing about M (well, actually that's a lie. I never will stop.) So for now, I'll keep writing and growing up. (Because apparently I'm the one with no balls. LOL.)
Sausalito in the New Year. Could it really be that simple and stunningly gorgeous? Lives will be altered and new dreams will come true.

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