Sunday, October 31, 2010

Trick or Treat?

Some things I've learned this week: Men have feelings too, (yes, really) don't shut doors without explaining why, the past will never be forgotten, but that doesn't mean it should hinder the future. Most importantly, there are a few good single men in the world and one day if you are lucky enough you will find that what you love will take you places you never dreamed you'd go.
So the minor freak out has been resolved. I feel like a fool and a bit of a spoiled brat for creating a major fight over a little thing. Even though I knew I was repeating the bad habit of throwing away the good seeds without evidence of fault in the moment I was more afraid that I would be the one served with the pink slip so I found fault in a delayed response.
I'm glad it was pointed out to me and hopefully the pattern is now broken. While not one of my finest moment I did get the answer I had been secretly wishing he would say. Afterwards and actually still now I can't really believe it's true or why he wants me.
There must be something wrong with this guy that he has fallen in love with me after only a few dates. Is he a serial killer, a polygamist or did I really hit the jackpot and find a rare gem? Normally I would be freaked out if a guy were so open with his feelings and willing to step out of his comfort zone for a better life together.
Unfortunately not everyone can just drop everything and fly away to paradise. There is something very different about McDreamy that at first I really didn't think we would last more than a fling. Sure the conversations were effortless, I felt comfortable and safe with him but he is so different from my past relationships that I questioned whether I was just experimenting and tasting a new flavor or following my heart. Yet, very quickly all my fears and second-guessing were forgotten and I found myself longing to hear his voice and see him again.
I didn't use to subscribe to the idea of love at first sight. But, there was something about McDreamy that even when we first locked eyes I got goose bumps. I know of a few couples that got married less than six months after first meeting and are still together ten plus years later. The little voice in me wants me to believe he is "the one" and I'm starting to seriously think there is truth to this theory. Some people marry and settle down because that's what they think should happen and when picking the ideal mate tend to compromise and let go of the person they were before I do. Perhaps that is why so many marriages either end because of a lover’s triangle or because the couple grows apart. I know I did and I regret not having the guts back then to be honest with myself and realize that although I did love Andy, I wasn't in love with him. When I consider what life with McDreamy would be like I can't wait for it to begin. We share the same goals, interests, desires and wants. What more could I ask for? A ring would be nice. Still waiting on the Tiffany's box.
Given all the odds against us in my heart it still feels so bizarrely right. It's far from a fairytale and the dream certainly won't happen overnight, but for the time being I will continue to keep my mind open to the possibility that I finally got my treat.
I said yes by the way.
The official countdown to gobble day has begun.
Have a fabulous Halloween everyone!

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Good Vibrations

So my diabolical plan seems to be working for me. My last post “Live, Laugh, Love” was about how I am not going to go looking for anything. I am going to live my life for myself and see what comes along. Yes, I am singing in my car. I actually find that it’s me laughing at myself not the person in the car next to me. On a few occasions I obviously grab a guys attention and find him following me. When I change lanes he changes. Until the inevitable happens and one of us has to turn off the highway.
My new job is going great. Just this week I received some awesome feedback from my boss so I am really happy there. I do try and dance like no one is watching but unfortunately guys seem to think it’s an open invitation to bump and grind against you. The last time my roomy and I went out we were sitting at a table just talking and laughing. As we normally do. I will admit I spent a bit of time glancing at the tall, dark, handsome South American Manager, who is so unattainable but absolutely gorgeous. But during the night I noticed the other Manager throwing looks, smiles and even a wink at me. We also noticed that after one of the bouncers threw me a big, funny, cheeky grin he felt the need to constantly walk past wherever we were sitting. And was sprung watching me a couple of times by my roomy. And both these guys were sober. Not drunk, horny and looking for a root. Well they were at least not drunk anyway. So with my good vibes and The Man’s tips on spotting a player I am better armed to protect myself and weed out the slimeballs.
Tonight I’m cooking up a nice meal and the awesome foursome are hitting the town.
Have a great weekend everyone.
Aussie Gal

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Six Signs To Identify a Player

When I began writing on this blog I mentioned I would do my best to help you understand us in hopes we can figure each other out. I ran across this article today and realized I may be perceived as one of these. Some facts do identify me perfectly, but that may just be because "I am not that into you". I recommend if you've never seen the movie "He's not that into you", go see it...Or better yet watch it with your significant other and if any of those signs identify with him, question his motives. Many guys dislike it when I give Men Secrets, but I am trying to show there may still be a few good one's left. I do a ton of research daily and realize there is so much misinformation out there that it gets confusing. I am up for all questions about your man, and will try to give my opinion. Let's work together and all the rest is easy.
I just read the last blog and somehow it may seem I mislead this woman. The first thing I said was "I am not looking for a girlfriend, or anything serious".. This was true, but only for her. From first meeting she was identified as the "fun girl" to me. I am looking for a serious relationship, but not with just anyone. I am single and can date whomever I wish. I put the truth out there first, I don't lead them on, and I live my life to the fullest. Why should I sit home just because this woman is not "long term material"? I have fun, enjoy life, and have met many who know how short life is, and are willing to enjoy the time they have. Below are the 6 signs (they say) to identify a player. There are so many clues to find out if your man is shady.
Before we get into the how of spotting a player, let's first discuss what one is. In the simplest terms possible, I find good synonyms to be schmuck, loser and jerk. You may have your own favorite jargon, of course, but the man himself is always the same. His primary goal in life is gaining attention, as this fills the void his poor little heart can't fill from within. He moves from one woman to the next, often so smoothly that said women never see the move coming -- and he does so because he can't commit to anyone in particular, lest he be forced to stand still long enough to get a look at himself in the mirror.
Being in my line of work, I've met a lot of players over the years. More than a lot, really. They come in all shapes and sizes, some of them slimmer than others, but they've all got several characteristics in common. Some will have more, some will have less, but if the man you're dating has several of these in one go, you could well be dating a player.

1. He expressly denies being one.

In my experience, the men who come straight out (unprovoked) and proclaim that they aren't players, tend to be precisely that. He will announce this the first time he screws up or senses that you're leery about him. And he's operating on reflex. You see he's so used to being accused of being one that he instinctively plays offense from the start, in the hope you might be gullible enough to believe what you hear, rather than what you see.

2. He's too smooth.

Does he have an answer for everything? A really good answer for everything? I'm not surprised. As it comes from years of practice. He's made all the big mistakes and has plenty of experience with smoothing things over. He knows what you want to hear, because he's learned well from his previous enablers. Don't add yourself to the list.

3. He's always slightly aloof.

He pays just enough attention to make you crave more, but little enough to make you wonder how interested he really is. This ploy is designed to make you want more -- which is what most of you end up doing -- and some of you will go out of your way to get his attention via methods you wouldn't normally lower yourself to. That's exactly what he wants you crawling on your knees for his attention.

4. He's fantastic in bed.

These guys are so good in bed that many women will overlook the crap he pulls, just to get the chance to play house with him. Not every man who is good in bed is a player, obviously, but if he is, and if he's also got any of the previous traits, he's probably a player. Unfortunately, this trait is desirable enough that many women are willing to overlook the other traits, if only for a period of time.

5. His communication skills suck.

Unless there's a very good reason, if a man doesn't answer your text/email/phone call within 24 hours, he's playing a game. And the men who deny the truth of that statement by claiming that some men are just too busy...? They're full of shit. If you really like someone, you can find a minute to at least text them. No one is that busy! If your man does this on a regular basis, he's playing games.

6. He makes you feel like you're overreacting when you're not.

Let me give you an example: He promises to call you at 8pm, but doesn't contact you until the next day. Why? Because he decided that pizza with his friends would be more fun. When asked why he couldn't be bothered to let you know, to send you a text at least, he replies by making you feel like you're being clingy or too demanding.
The Man

Love The Way You Lie

Okay so for the 99.9% of you reading this you have absolutely no idea who I'm talking about or for that matter what exactly I'm bitching about. But, for the handful of people who I consider to be in my inner circle my words may have hit to close for comfort. It is true that once words are spoken or written (in this case) they can never be taken back. I do regret the majority of what I wrote in private messages, but not much that I wrote on here.
Due to the rare situation we find ourselves, emotions and impulsive decisions are always going to be made. Some wise, some very stupid. So what has changed? Yes, I went just a little bit overboard and created another fight out of nothing really. Edible arrangements must have gotten lost and you know what it's totally fine. Just don't let it happen again.
I fear it's too late. How much shit can one person really wants to handle? I understand if you walk away now. It wasn't about much, but now I'm lying here alone hoping you will walk thru the door.
How did we get here? Why do I always push away the few good men because the Charlie Sheens of the world are just so much more social?

Fire and Ice

Ummm...where to begin. If I must explain than there really is nothing to discuss. This is not the first grade. I will not repeat my words as I thought I was very clear yesterday in what apparently was a rant.
I agree I may have gone from one extreme to another in less than a day, but I will not apologize if you still don't get it. Honestly it started going down hill all because of one little request. That given everything didn't seem like a bizarre idea, but there was nothing.
You had this chance to wow and win tons of brownie points. It may seem childish, but it said a lot and you can go on and on about being super busy and tired and I totally understand that, but all it takes is five minutes. The bigger question is what kind of life is this? What kind of relationship can this ever really be?
The L word shouldn't be thrown around carelessly or without warning and then never discussed afterwards. Although really it never had to do with that word, even though the use of it without warning was a bit confusing given there was no follow thru to support the use of the L word. Water under the bridge right?
So we both need to take a step back and really decide if this is worth the frustration and brief encounters. As much as I hate to say it after recent days I'm really not sure what to think. Privacy is not taken as a joke, but what really is private anymore these days? I'm not going to change. This is me so deal. Learn to understand my words and actions and if it's too much for you then well let's stop the pain now. I will compromise and take into consideration your lifestyle and comfort level. Now do you get it?

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Welcome To Heartbreak

It would have been good to know the truth about the mind of a man years ago, but it definitely comes in handy these days. We risk our life and throw everything we worked hard to create away for the thrill and hunt for the next best. In the moment the fantasy life is addictive and insanely normal, but of course only the weakest women fall for this scam.
Men like women come in all shapes, sizes and personalities, but at the end of the day all men are the same. Some are more honest upfront as far as what they are looking for in a relationship or rather what type of relationship. Others fail to ever speak the truth and continue to create a false reality. The continuous and seemingly endless journey in search of the all mighty "one" is a lost cause as there are no good men left just imposters.
The Man wrote yesterday about how he thought he had made it very clear what he was looking for, but clearly his words and actions were misinterpreted. From a woman's perspective men are hardly that easy to understand. Unless it is written out or formally spoken we will always tear apart every action or word and create our own relationship status. When left open to interpretation and in the gray zone everything has the chance to be spun and twisted into a totally new story.
Up until now I have chosen men who were perfectly fine being rescued. I have always been the person in charge of the money; the bills, scheduling appointments, motivating and making sure jobs were completed. At first it felt really great not only knowing I was helping change someone's life for the better, but that I was in charge. Then came along someone who had the same drive and goals as me. Was honest and vocal about what he wanted out of life and love and wasn't afraid to gamble away his heart with the objective of finding the mother of his future kids. I wanted so desperately to believe "the one" wasn't just a urban myth, but sadly I have once again been disappointed. Sometimes actions or rather a lack of proves more troublesome then words.
Drama heightens the interest and allure, but if you continue to let the ball drop and not follow thru with your words then how can you possibly believe I will continue to wait around for someone who is never coming. I once believed the promises, the lies, the laughter, but now I'm even more guarded. How can I possible believe anything you say or do?
Here is a hint men, when a woman continues to jokingly hint that flowers or chocolates would be sweet every once and a while SHE ISN'T JOKING, SHE IS SERIOUS. This is a test to see if you were listening and if you seriously are interested in her. It only takes a few seconds to send a text like, "Hey. Hope you're well. Really busy at work, can't talk but I miss you." That's all and you are good for a day or so. Add a romantic gesture like flowers or a personal note or something creative and you are golden. Do none of the above and remain silent for days will get you in the doghouse without a second thought. It's that simple. All women love romance (even the ones who say they don't), why do you think we drag you to the latest chick flick? We want to believe there are a few good men still out there.

Fishing For The Wrong Catch

Many of you women are wondering what it takes to "catch the good one". I hear complaining all the time by both parties asking, "Where have all the good one's gone?"...Well to sum things up in fishing terms here we go.
Life and relationships in retrospect are just like fishing. We first must decide what we are fishing for (long term, casual encounters, friends, friends with benefits, dating, serious relationship, or just plan ole sex). How we go about landing our desired catch makes all the difference in the world. If you are going for a bottom feeder, be prepared to have long lines (deep pockets) and know she only is interested in your financial wealth and security. She most likely will move on when something better comes around. They usually eat any bait as long as your boat (car, jewelry, boats, clothes, deep pockets) looks shiny and new. There are the fish that school (hang in groups) and for the most part are difficult to separate until their friends are in relationships as well. Next would be the sport fish (fun) but not a keeper. They are the type you have "fun" with and return to the water. Last but not least there are the Trophy catch. These are the ones that you chase and chase and you must be very dedicated to get their attention. They don't like the shiny baits, could care less about your boat, and are looking to be brought home and mounted (married/homemaker) and as long as you treat them great, you will get the same in return. They will never stray, they only want your attention, and when in love, it will be the best you've ever heard of.
Many of us have no idea what "true love" actually is until it smacks us in the face. When you find this, nothing else matters. It is a life-changing event. Relationships are give and take...somewhat like fishing. You first throw your bait, you wait for the bite, be easy not to break the line on the way to the boat. If you happen to reel too hard, the line breaks. If you throw the wrong bait, you may not get a bite. It must be an even drag with a proportionate give and pull with not too much slack in the line. If you're fishing with old gear, don't expect to pull a keeper. These rules follow with most of life's decisions or moves. We all want that perfect person...the "perfect for us”. But sometimes it's hard to wait for it to happen. We push and push with no results and wonder, "Why hasn't it happened?" the truth is WE MAY BE FISHING FOR THE WRONG FISH. Take a step back and think of it like fishing... Go for that species that will make you happy. Don't settle for second best, you deserve your equal. Even though there are plenty of fish in the sea, you only need the right one to make you truly happy.
The Man

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Sign Language

Well here goes...
When we first met, we talked a little, and I said "sure" to hanging out. I never thought anything serious would happen between the two of us. You had mentioned about your divorce and that most of your friends were either married or dating. I was in the same position and thought company would be nice at times. Things happened very quickly, and I can see you are getting really attached to me. When we first spoke I stated I didn't want anything serious. I figured due to the fact you are still legally married, have children, work long hours, that you wouldn't have too much free time. I also thought after being married for over ten years you wouldn't be looking for a relationship either. I am somewhat old fashioned when it comes to some of my beliefs. I avoid going out at times because of the fact you are still "legally married". (This is a little B.S, but I didn't want to be a dick) I didn't want to be labeled as "The guy she dated while still married" (more B.S.). He (legal husband) could in reality take photo's of us together and use them against you in court. (I am not the best role model, plus he's a Cop) I enjoy spending time with you, but I don't need other problems adding to my every day stress. I also avoid telling people "I am dating someone" until I know the feelings are mutual. I also would never date anyone my friends have dated in the past. (Another excuse by me). What I'm trying to say is that I enjoy your company, but at times I feel you're looking for something long-term (future) with. You are an amazing person but there are a few things that will never happen.
Here are my excuses:
Nothing was ever stated when we first started talking.... We talked, had fun, and "things" happened. With the quickness of how it progressed, you never had a chance to know what I really want. Here's a few: I may one day want children (of my own), you already have 3 I would NEVER have children with someone who has more than two, sorry, but true. I really enjoy my alone time. I like to have romantic dinners, and at times a bottle of wine would be involved. I enjoy many different foods and rarely count calories/fats/sugars/starches and so on. I eat healthy, as well as you do, but at times beers and chicken wings are GREAT!!! I like going on get-a-ways on a spur of the moment and with you plans need to be made weeks ahead of time. I do use profanity (unlike you) but I respected you and held back. I hate when people show up at my house unannounced, whether it's friends, family, or whomever. (I meant her). There was so much more but I didn't want to point out every issue. (Drive-by's, phone check ins when another car is at my house, clothes left behind doors **guys rarely look behind things when they live alone**, tried to leave toothbrush & overnight bag, stalking, and on & on) I am saying all of this because I feel as if you are getting really attached. I, in no way, would ever want to hurt you.... it’s just that we never really talked. (Met, had sex, and BAM!!) You really have no idea who I am, what I like/dislike, what my goals are, what I want in life, and many more questions that usually would be important. I just really want to be honest with you and not lead you to your own conclusions.
WHOA!!! Damn! Well I found out the other day I was "dating" someone for two months. Why do some women think because we had sex, we are dating? There are two types of sex for most men. SEX: To get the job done, for that animalistic instinct, cuz you're smokin' hot, drunk, bored or just plain horny. The other is MAKING LOVE: Someone you care passionately about, want her to feel as deeply as you do, pleasing in every way, not too rough, touching, caressing, exploring every soft inch of her nakedness, knowing she wants you as bad as you want her, deep gazing into each others eyes, and so much more.
I have said a few times before "LISTEN TO WHAT WE TELL YOU." We for the most part are doing and saying what we really are. If you look at us and ask, "What are you thinking?" most of the time, we aren't thinking shit! If you ask if you look good in those jeans? We might say otherwise just to get some later.... but for the most part, we are not as mental as you.
The Man

Marry Me

I’m a private person so writing on this blog is definitely out of my comfort zone, but I’ve actually enjoyed taking a break from the chaos of the day and writing down my thoughts.
A number of events prompted the “break up” at the beginning of this month and a number of events caused both Summer and myself to reevaluate our relationship and priorities.
My feelings for Summer have never changed although looking back on a few conversations I could see how one might feel differently. I stopped reading the blog and contributing after our falling out. But, I took some time today to briefly catch up and see just how butchered I was as an ex.
I’m glad to see that The Man is back, but now the ladies with the addition of Aussie gal out number us. I see Kate is still ranting about JSR. Sure hope I don’t piss her off one day. Keep the punches coming. I’ve got a feeling JSR is still reading this blog, (I know I would be addicted if I were him) but I don’t think you will be hearing from his camp anytime soon given the number of followers supporting you. Even I have a bit of stage fright writing on here again given the increased amount of readers.
Summer talked me into using the username McDreamy and I just couldn’t say no to someone so beautiful especially when she flashed that smile and playfully twisted her hair.
My life has been very busy which is great for business and not so great for my personal one. I made the mistake of telling Summer about a young intern whom I believed had a crush on me. I thought it was funny and kind of cute and I thought Summer would think so too. Boy was I was wrong. However, in all fairness to Summer, I had become so engrossed in my work, that I had neglected her. No more early morning calls while I sipped my first coffee. The texts had gone down to non-existent, and when they did occur, they were brief. Our last conversation ended abruptly, she called me to see how I was doing, but I was just about to go into a meeting and asked if I could call her back in twenty she responded not so happily.
"No, don't bother. Maybe you should sleep with the intern instead.”
Two days later Summer called me and said she couldn’t handle the long distance relationship and that if I wanted to see other people I should. Honestly, I didn’t know what to say. She was right I wasn’t there and I couldn’t guarantee when I would get a chance to see her again. I was hurt and for the next few days I tried my best to focus on work, but every morning I woke up and rushed to my phone to read her daily morning message and my mailbox was empty. I found myself checking my email and voicemail every half hour just in case she did try to communicate, but there was nothing.
So I reached out and took a leap of fate. Rescheduled my week and was bound for NYC the next morning. There is truly nothing more beautiful than an Autumn flight over the Northeast. It always reminds me of a beautiful sunset I had experienced in the Keys just before a hurricane was about to hit. As I sat there looking through that small aircraft portal, I wondered if indeed I was experiencing the calm before the storm. Manhattan had always scared me a bit; I never took to it much, a bit too chaotic for my liking.
As I approached this familiar and very imposing building, the doorman smiled and greeted me,
"Mr. ****, welcome back. I’ll let Ms. Peterson know you are here.”
Taking that elevator up seemed to be the longest journey I've ever taken. I decided not to use my key on the door, but rather to knock. As she opened the door, the expression on her face was to say the least, confusing. Initially she looked like a little girl at Xmas, that expression quickly turned to a less than welcoming look.
"So why are you here?" she blurted out.
" I'm here to see if you wanted to get married..." I said in a very cynical tone.
"Yeah right. Maybe you should be asking the intern. I’m sure she would say yes. By the way, Andy is going to here any minute. We are going out for dinner.”
"Great, maybe we can have a threesome."
“That's funny. But, I'll pass. So why are you here, don't you have a client to rescue?"
"I'm here because I love you.”

Summer turned beet red, I have used the "L" word and mentioned marriage in the same night.
With a girlish smile on her face, "So you love me?"
Just then the doorbell rang, it was Andy, the doorman had let him up. So I got up from the table, took off all my clothes and walked towards the door.
"What the fuck are you doing?", Summer screamed while almost choking with laughter.
"I'm going to answer the door.”
"Do not...."
It was too late, I opened the door, and sure enough, Andy was on the other side.
"Andy right? Listen, Summer can't come to the door right now.”
Summer ran over to the door trying to contain her laughter, " Andy, this is not a good time."
"Who is this guy?"
Andy said in a not so calm voice.
"Oh...she doesn't know my name, she just leaves the money on the bedside table."
Andy immediately did a 180 and headed to the elevator, and I closed the door.
"Well...think I just eliminated the competition, so here's the deal. I hate Manhattan, I think you need to come to Miami and live with me until we decide where we're going to next. That will also give you an opportunity to plan our wedding."
"Our wedding? Who says I want to marry you?"
“Didn’t hear you say no.”
"So you are standing here naked in my apartment, asking me to marry you?"
she chuckled.

Am I nuts? Sure. But, sometimes the gamble pays off and you get the girl.


Monday, October 25, 2010

The L Word

My life at the moment is complicated to say the least. Andy is currently separated from his wife, the woman he cheated on me with and he has also relocated to the big apple. Of course he won’t admit it’s in an attempt to win me back, but I’m pretty sure that is his plan. He flies back to visit his daughter (whom I would be the stepmom to) Which means for the rest of my life I will have to pretend to like the woman who was the cause of all of this.
When he ambushed me back in the summer with a surprise visit I was mixed with emotions. I will always love him even after all the pain he caused me, but I’m not the same person anymore and as hard as I try I will never be able to forget what he did.
Andy continues to chant that he wants to give us another shot. That we shouldn’t throw in the towel if fate brought us together again. I’m not sure anymore how I feel towards him. Some days are great and briefly it’s like old times. We laugh and go for a run together, he cooks me dinner, but I know it can’t last. So, I walk around trying not to seem uncomfortable, I think very carefully before I speak afraid I might ruin the moment of happiness and remember what he did to me and that even if I wanted my old life back it’s not possible.
I tried my best this week to keep my distance from Andy, to not become dependent on him in my moment of weakness, but on Saturday night after yet another day of crackers and ring noodle soup I broke down and called him. During this past week I have been a walking zombie. Left the apartment twice, once to go the doctors and then the pharmacy. Let’s just say I’m fully caught up on all the housewives, soap opera plots and twists and I’m all set with Regis & Kelly for the next decade.
A part of me is still in love with Andy and if McDreamy hadn’t come into the picture I very well may have run into Andy’s arms and forgiven him without a thought. I told Andy this the other night and his first question to me was, “Do you love him?” (Him being McDreamy) I honestly hadn’t thought about it. How could I? It hasn’t even been six months and really what does it matter if the L word is spoken? Then he asked if I planned to move in with McDreamy. Which again had never been a formal question or concern in my mind. I answered no to both, although secretly I knew the answer to both was yes.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Life and Love

Stumbled upon this list in my travels surfing the web.

1. It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return.
But what is more painful is to love someone and never
find the courage to let that person know how you feel.

2. A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who
means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was
never meant to be and you just have to let go.

3. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a
porch swing with, never say a word, and then walk away
feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

4. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose
it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been
missing until it arrives.

5. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an
hour to like someone, and a day to love someone-but it
takes a lifetime to forget someone.

6. Don't go for looks, they can deceive. Don't go for wealth,
even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you
smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day
seem bright.

7. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go,
be what you want to be. Because you have only one life and
one chance to do all the things you want to do.

8. Always put yourself in the other's shoes. If you feel that it
hurts you, it probably hurts the person too.

9. A careless word may kindle strife. A cruel word may wreck
a life. A timely word may level stress. But a loving word may
heal and bless.

10. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best
of everything they just make the most of everything that comes
along their way.

11. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends with
a tear. When you were born, you were crying and everyone
around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die,
you're the one smiling and everyone around you is crying.


Friday, October 22, 2010

Pay It Forward

"You never know how your actions can change the world."

There once were two, then a happy trio, than one was thrown out of the moving vehicle and left for dead. The just married couple continuing along the journey of eternal bliss never looking in the rear view mirror. That was until the day the person who was left holding onto the mountain's edge with nothing but a fifty foot fall and no safety net came crawling, then walking and eventually running full speed ahead no longer caring about certain people's (MF and CF) feelings or wishes, because as she learned all those months ago some people just don't deserve respect or please and thank you. Some people, whether fair or right, must be left behind. If they are smart and strong they will find a way back and create a new life with new friends and new priorities.
Just discovered the stats feature on the blog and I'm a big overwhelmed and curious as to who exactly is reading my words right now. Australia, Canada, India, Italy, France and so many more international hot spots are taking the time to read our words. I crack a smile everyday now because this personal story was never meant to be a public one or then again maybe it always was meant to be reminder of what can happen if pushed to the edge of darkness.
I have nothing to hide. If I did I certainly wouldn't have the courage to write my inner thoughts on a public blog for anyone to read. We all have a choice in life. Pay it forward some might say. Do right and respect others and good vibes will follow you. Do wrong and run away leaving former friends with unanswered questions and you never know what will happen next or just how many people now know your name and what a sorry ass, god blessing, son of a bitch you really are.
Back to the stats, I’m very curious why out of all the blogs "Soap Opera Drama" which was posted back in early June in the midst of the drama with M and company is an everyday read for dozens. There was another odd pattern too, seems that someone last week was doing some serious catch up reading, but the strange thing was it was just on the posts since June that included the names M or MF. So I have to wonder is M's camp still secretly addicted to Love Bites?(Hey guys! Hope you're well. I forgive you for being spineless, stupid, sunshine stereotypes. On second thought, this writing gig is way better.)
My new favorite motivator is the fabulous brain behind the blog, Her amazing words of advice made me laugh and remember why I continue to write and why it's perfectly normal for me to still be questioning the unknown and forever unanswered.

FUCK what anyone thinks! Everyone deals with issues, hurt, and all that in different ways. You do what YOU need to do to feel better, without worry about what people are going to say or think. Screw them; they don't matter!

FUCK people who say to get over something... there is no written time line stating how long it should take to get over this, or to get over that. You take how much time YOU need.

My husband cheated on me over three years ago; we were not even married yet... it still comes to my mind every day of my life, and at least once a week I talk to either him, or someone else about it because I am still hurt.

Nine years ago I had an affair with a married man, and to this day I still think about him, and the what if's, and question myself if I did love him, or if it was just the excitement of having someone show me so much attention.

So 1 week, three years, or nine years... take your time, because there is no statute of limitations; and even if there were, I would find where they are listed and burn them.

And with those classy and priceless words I wish you all a fabulous weekend.

With Love,
Kate plus 15,795
(Think my camp is just a little bit bigger than 2. Not that I'm counting or anything.)

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Fight Club

I went to check my email this morning and one of the top stories was about Taylor Swift and her new album which true to form are songs about her personal life and heartbreak. It's funny how it's perfectly normal for a teenager to fall in love over and over again and then when the guy breaks her heart and she publicly bashes him all the adults think she is so brave and fearless yet when an adult does the same thing (minus a music label, tour, etc) she is told by anonymous and not so anonymous peers to "grow up" and "move on." When in fact the people who need to grow up and move on are the ones like Kanye West and MF and CF because they never have been able to truly apologize for their actions. I would like to think it's because they don't know better and think that what was done was acceptable and sitting up on their high horse they couldn't tell the difference between wrong and right.
After reading The Man's last post I started to once again go back and rethink why I was who I was when I was with M and why I felt a certain way about him back then and why I let him back into my life after what he did before. I wanted a better ending, a happier mature ending and instead I was left feeling stupid and humiliated. I will never know why he found me after three years or why I was the chosen one to meet the wife, but there is a significant reason why and maybe he didn't know why either and maybe he still doesn't know why. It was never love, puppy love perhaps but there was something that continued to intrigue him and me as well. A friend of mine said something interesting the other day, maybe he saw I had potential to be more successful than him and the fact that I didn't need rescuing and might overshadow him was a turnoff. How lucky that he found someone that did need a prince charming to rescue her. Mrs. JSR's words not mine. I always thought prince charming was like Santa Clause. At a certain age, usually before you turn ten you figure out both are stupid little lies. (single mom, divorced (didn't you say you were going to grow old with him too?), not to bright (then again neither is M so I guess they really do make a perfect couple.) What was the clever little line the wife said to me, "One person's piece of coal is another's treasure." Pretty sure that phrase is more appropriate when going shopping at the flea market, but anyhoo.) I am picky and organized and I'm proud of it. (Apparently being clean, organized and on time is a turnoff to some.) The Man added a comment onto this, "I like what your friend told you. Think of this too: you may have seen his potential as well.... and he was wasting it all away. This could upset someone like you or me. I am a very motivated person and seeing potential being wasted is a shame." Which, thinking back now is very true. A part of me knew better than to believe anything he said because he had never been able to follow thru with anything he said he was going to do. Reminds me of the song "Cooler online" by Brad Paisley. Excuse after excuse. Stupid me for putting stock in a losing gamble.
Came across a blog today,, which got me to thinking about the war of words back in June and the events prior to that incident. If you are reading this and thinking to yourself, when is she going to let it go and move on, you can piss off because obviously you don't get me at all. I agree I going on and on about a topic that for everyone else is dead, but for me it lives on forever. The answer to why has taken on a life of it's own. Why, is no longer simply a question of why couldn't you respond and give me peace of mind? Or why did you think an email explained everything when in fact it explained nothing? Or why find me? Why pretend to be a changed man and pretend to give a shit about me? Why? Why? Why? No, why is no longer about any of these unanswered questions. Why has become my reason to continue writing and continuing ranting. Simply because well I can and I'm not afraid and I won't run away when the big bad wolf tries to blow my house down.
The day I started writing publicly about M and company was the day I let him go. I also let go of the person I was and the person I was going to be in order to discover the person I was meant to be.
Like I said long ago, some things can never be forgotten and maybe they never should be.
I was starting to think up ideas for the Love Bites shirts. Thinking we definitely need to incorporate the words MF into them. Any ideas?

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Chicken Noodle Soup

So it's been four days now and my cold has gone from an occasional sneeze to sleeping for fifteen hours and still waking up tired. I can't breathe, food has no taste, loud noises cause a constant migraine (which thanks to every Taxi driver and New Jersey driver makes silence impossible) and to top it off I'm alone. Sure I have my girlfriends, but they are all working and have their own personal lives to tend to. Plus, I'm not the most pleasant person to be around when I'm sick.
I pride myself on not needing rescuing, on being a successful and independent woman, but it sure would be nice to have a significant other to make me tea and soup. I am fortunate that pretty much anything can be delivered to my door, but when you wake up in the middle of the night coughing and thinking this might be it and no one is there to help you or offer a glass of water, you start to seriously question what you have been doing that got you here alone and feeling abandoned.
I have a feeling I confused many of you with my blog last week. Why am I still going on and on about McDreamy after I wrote that we broke up. Well stranger things have happened and after a couple days of no talking or texting it seems both our hearts came to the same conclusion that we should give it one more shot. We made some new rules starting with McDreamy will not be returning to write on the blog (at least for now) and I will try my best not to expose too much of our relationship on the blog. We agreed that it was too much too fast. We barely know one another and yet in other ways it feels like we have always been together. The separation has done a number on me and now being sick and alone makes me realize just how different our relationship is from most. Even the kindest and most heartfelt words will never have the same effect as someone physically being by my side and supporting me. But, I have accepted that for the time being this is how things have to be.
Think Days of Our Lives is coming on soon. Haven't watched it in years, but I have a feeling not much has changed.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

The Domino Effect

I've always believed that everything happens for a reason and when one door closes another opens. In a conversation with Aussie gal the other day we discovered that our relationship history is eerily similar. There was the October 3 connection and after further disclosure we found out we share a similar tattoo with the meaning wisdom and strength. Although I question the real meaning of the Japanese symbols on my back.
I was starting to think I was being punk'd by Aussie gal. She even figured out my ever so not anonymous identity. Which I thought I had hidden pretty well although it doesn't really matter anymore since everyone who knows me offline (even my folks. Hi, Mom & Dad) knows I'm a founding member of the Love Bites crew.
It got me to thinking about the domino effect result of one unanswered question and how as a result of M's silence a year ago my life as well as his at times is now being discussed internationally. What once was a betrayal of basis common manners is now what drives me to continuing writing and continue bashing and continue sharing my story with the world.
If I had gone to sleep and not been online on that fateful night M and I wouldn't have started up a conversation which then became a nightly ritual. If I hadn't gone out for a drink to celebrate a former co-workers last day of work then I wouldn't have been introduced to her husband who would later get me a job which is where I met John. If I hadn't moved back north and returned to my old job I wouldn't have crossed paths with J.
The world at times seems way to small. Forgetting the past can be impossible when the circle you travel in is only a hop, skip and jump away from the JSR. Maybe if I had more willpower I wouldn't have allowed M back in my life and given him a second chance. But, I was looking for closure then, just as I am now and forever will be. With the touch of a button ghosts return from the dead and old acquaintances are given the spot light to shine bright and turn a cliffhanger in a happily ever after ending.
The Man said it best yesterday, there are people who leave a lasting impression on our hearts and forever change who we are in future relationships. I don't regret my past or the shameless people I stupidly thought were my friends. In the end life comes full circle and the past and present are always intertwined. Even if M had been a nice guy and kindly answered my questions I still wouldn't have been at peace with our past. Before this year, I wasn't able to see M for who he was and always had been. Some people change and mature with age while others will always be jackass sewer rats.
When we look back at who we use to be and whom we once loved we sometimes wonder what were we thinking?

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Tainted Love

Some say our present relationships are based upon a past love. Perhaps it was our "first love", our most attractive, the one who seemed perfect, the one who screwed us over, broke our heart, or just someone who made that kind of impact. This utterly changed us forever and since them, we've based our relationships upon them. Is this true? Perhaps. But I know personally I do think we all have that one person.
Here's mine...I was 25 she was 19. She was a model, perfect body/hair/eyes/legs/breasts and so on. My picture perfect woman. The type of woman you imagine when you lay in bed at night and wish you could always meet. Here goes the crazy part: I frequented a establishment she worked at, I never showed her any interest because I thought she was way out of my league. One day she approached me and asked if I wanted to go out some time. I responded "no thanks". I thought she was just messing with my head. As I was beginning to leave, her friend approached me and told me "hey what's up with you? #$@#%^* just went in the bathroom crying because you turned her down" WHAT????? B.S. I thought. Nope, she really was. I then felt so stupid I gave my number to her friend and told her to give it to @$%^$*. I then rushed to the nearest florist and bought the best bouquet of flowers I could afford to hopefully win her forgiveness. But at the same time I didn't want her to think that I thought I was way out of her league. My plan worked perfectly and we were inseparable from that day on. Two weeks later we moved in. I was the happiest man in the world. Only one problem.... She was a banana magnet! Every dude everywhere we went disrespected me by staring, trying to hook up, handing numbers, buying drinks and I'm sure much more. She wanted me, and only me at that point, so their efforts went to no avail. This type of relationship plays madness on your mind as well. You begin to ask yourself "why me?".. Well to answer that great question; I was in a place in my life where everything was going my way, money, work, friends, etc. But as is life, everything comes to an end. One Christmas morning I/we get a knock on the door. I answer and who's there? The Dr. who did her implants. I then asked "what were you doing here?" he replied, "picking up my girlfriend". WHAT THE FUCK!!!! Yup as she was "working" in Palm Beach, she was actually meeting up with him. I should have watched the signs that were leading up to that point. She received calls (after the surgery) from the Dr. himself and not the nurses, her love for money had grown, caller id was cleared when I checked who called during the day, and the money she was making couldn't have bought the many gifts she received.
I’m guessing this is the one who changed everything for me. I never really thought about it before I read the article on Who Changed You. I did get my "answers", my closure, and remain friends to this day. Years later she called, out of the blue, and asked, "How I was doing?" I was actually on vacation at a resort at the time and replied "great". She then began the apologies and explained herself. Me being cocky, I asked, "What are you doing now?" nothing she replied. I then told her to go to the airport; there will be a first class ticket. The driver will bring you here. Call me when you are half hour away so I can come in from the boat. She came, answered my questions, and I got my closure. Money was what turned her on at that prior point in her life, and now I had tons! Laughing inside as she asked "would you ever forgive me and want to see each other again?" Sure...I said. HA!!! I was destroyed on that Christmas Day. Now it was all in my hands. We had a great weekend, and I sent her on her way. I wouldn't make the same mistake twice, but many times we think it might be different. Don't feel bad for wanting what you thought you had. Here are two quotes I live by: Maybe it's true we don't know what we had until we lost it.... but it is also true we don't know what we have been missing until it arrives.” It’s hard to wait around for something you know might never happen, but its even harder to give up, especially when it is everything you ever wanted."
Life is full of tough decisions, never regret the past, never leave unanswered questions, and live like you're dying. Hope you're having a great weekend.
The Man

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Live, Laugh, Love

Ok. I can take a hint. As The Man said. If this guy really wanted to meet me I would have heard from him by now. He has seen my FB page and obviously I’m not his cup of tea. That’s cool. But it was also to meet new people not just for a hook up. So I’m gonna move on. I have been thinking a bit of late. I remember before I hooked up with my ghost my thought process was to just do my own thing, have fun, hang out with friends and love will find me. When you go looking for it, it won’t happen. So this is what I am going to go back to doing. I plan to concentrate on my new awesome job. Sing in my car during my hour commute each way like the person in the car next to me laughing at me isn’t really there. Have fun and laughs with my friends. Dance like I don’t care who is watching (my roomy is gonna read this and hold me to it now. Lol). Continue writing my book. And do new things. After all I am at the Gold Coast. There is so much here to do. This is my life that I am creating and it is going to be one of fun and happiness. Bring it on!!!
Aussie Gal

Heart and Soul

Many years ago I had the biggest crush of this guy at school. His personality was what attracted me and even though he needed to lose weight I was infatuated with him. We hung out in the same circle of friends and had a short-lived fling. We stayed in touch after graduating, but nothing became of it. I heard thru the grapevine that he had started dating a mutual friend whom a few weeks ago he married. They are so cute together and in looking at the pictures of their wedding the first thing that came to mind was "What was I thinking?" I don't mean this in a bad way, but rather I realize how off balance we were. Then again so were all the others ghosts of relationships past.
I see this more clearly now because I'm finally in a place where I know exactly what I want and need and I finally understand the dance. Up until now I had given all of my heart and soul to jackass after jackass and in return didn't even get a good bye. So then comes along this man who is the opposite of my norm and is charming and kind and instead of opening my heart as I had all too quickly in the past I shut him out.
Thinking I don't deserve the dream, that the dream can't come true for me and stupidly believing that I should give the biggest douche bag, jackass sewer rat a second chance. Had I not been listening to a word McDreamy had been saying all this time? I deserve better than Andy and if I would just let my guard down and actually give McDreamy a fighting chance I might be happily surprised.
And so if you are reading this now McDreamy I say yes. You only live once. Might as well make it a good story.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Blind Dating

A couple of weeks ago a client I have had for a number of years came in to see me and during her visit we talked about my recent move and how everything is going. During this visit she mentioned her Financial Planner. Who apparently is tall, dark and handsome and has recently started dating again. She was rather excited at the prospect of setting us up. She handed over his number and it was almost a case of if I didn’t do it she would. After a week of psyching myself up I got the guts up and called him. I had pretty much run through a variety of ways the phone conversation could go. I was so nervous. This was something I had never done before. I haven’t ever been given a number and called to ask a guy if he would like to meet. I don’t even know what he was like or even how he looked. What if he says no? How embarrassing. So I dialed the number and….. “This number is no longer in service.” I had worked myself up for nothing... lol. Later that afternoon my client handed on his mobile number and email address just to be sure. So when I got home that night and with some encouragement from my roomy I called him up. What did I have to lose? This was more about meeting new people and expanding my circle of friends. Hey. If something were to come out of it - bonus… I hung up not knowing if I had been blown off or not. Once again bad timing. He had hurt his back the day before and was on pain killers. He seemed nice enough to apologise and say that he would not be doing me any justice by having a conversation while he was in la la land. But was it a blow off. As I wasn’t sure I continued with his suggestion to send him an email. After a couple we agreed to meet up during the day sometime in the suburb I work. I’m just waiting to find out when. And now is the waiting game. Will I get a start? Or was my initial thought correct. It’s a blow off. I’ll be batting none for 2 if it is.
Aussie Gal

Monday, October 11, 2010

The Silence Is Deafening

When you have nothing nice to say, let someone else speak for you. My mind is blank. Lots to say, but nothing comes out. It could have been great or maybe it would have burned out on it's own. It once was so easy to write blog after blog with no frustration, but now days pass and still nothing written. So for tonight I will leave you with the lyrics to Dido's White Flag song since it really does say everything I wanted to, but was unable to.

"I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,
Or tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess and
destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
then I'm sure that that makes sense

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was there
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on...."


Chivalry Still Does Exist

After re-reading what I shared yesterday, some of you may have been confused and thought I was leading this girl on, let me elaborate a little. Here are a few "signs" you may just be a "fun girl". I told her from day one, it was okay hanging out, but I wasn't looking for anything serious (my sign for nothing but fun). I turn down (but thank for the offer) for dinners. I try to make myself "busy" (if a guy likes you, he will do whatever possible). Sudden changes of plans (I’m going out tonight, sorry). I don't answer phone/texts for hours sometimes. We never go out on dates (unless I want to do something). There are a few other things I/some guys do to show (not tell) you are just someone I fill my free time with.
Here are a few things I/some guys would do if they truly want to be with you. I am willing to go out of my way to make you happy (If you like something special for breakfast, I would make it, or get it for you). We wouldn't look for recognition for things. Willing to talk about your wants and desires in life and supports your dreams and ambitions. We/I would do things that you enjoy (chick flicks, plays, concerts, special events and so on) without ruining your night complaining we were there. We would even surprise you with tickets to your favorite show. Compliment you for no special reason at all; except for the happiness you bring us. Do things you’re way (folding clothes, laundry, food, etc.) just the way you either like or dislike them. Chivalry does still exist (opens doors, goes for walks on the beach, holding hands, passionate kisses, flowers, romantic dinners, candles, bath ready, champagne/ strawberries, and so much more). Remembers all the little/big things that matter to you. Asks how your day was every day and shows interest and asks questions about it. Romantic in bed (intimate kissing and gazing into your eyes). Willing to please you in bed (sometimes it's a "you" day. The pleasure is for you with nothing in return). Texts/ calls you back quickly (not just when drunk, late sex is wanted). Likes you as you (loves/compliments you when you don't have make-up, nails done, hair done and so on). Just the casual you (hair tied up, maybe a baseball cap on, sweats, jeans, whatever). There are actually a million things we do to show you we are "into" you; sometimes we just don't say the words. Other times we say the words, but the above actions are not shown (if so, he may have lost the spark or just not romantic/thoughtful of the simple little things). I personally think the littlest gesture goes a long way. A little "thinking of you" text only takes 45 seconds, so if you don't get those, your man SUCKS! Having our special song play in your car when you start it is not to time consuming as well. A note in your pocket/ purse is something that takes little time as well. Millions of simple things to put a smile on your faces, and in the long run, (guys) you might get a little more action.
So I am still on the Internet dating sites with no results. I have met a few great people, and remained good friends with others, but still nothing with potential. I guess I am in hopes that someone out there is looking at their screen and thinking the same things as me. Hopefully we will cross paths one day, until then I will be sharing some of my dos and don'ts, as well as my dating experiences. Let me wish you all luck, and don't be scared to go for exactly what you want.
The Man

A Few Good Men

"A woman one loves rarely suffices for all our needs, so we deceive her with another whom we do not love." - Marcel Proust

How can one not lose faith when all you get is silence? Is one never good enough? Must there always be a competition of sorts for the chase to continue and allure? In the search for the illusive perfect one what factors are key?
Sweet and kind are rarely words that I hear spoken about me. Angry, rude, cold, adventurous and a little crazy are the standard. I've never been one to openly say "I love you," and it wasn't because I was afraid of putting my feelings on the butcher block. Honestly I've never completely understood the definition of love. In relationships past when the guy would say those three little words I would start running. That was the sign to hit the road because if I stayed the chances of getting my heart broken were guaranteed.
So once again I find myself at this crossroads, but unlike before I'm not running instead I'm sinking in the quicksand. I think love is a bullshit word made up in Hollywood. I do believe that two people can share a connection and when in one another's company they feel peaceful, secure and happy. Is this love? If so, then I'm in love.
Kate (Days off are overrated)

Sunday, October 10, 2010

The Man Speaks Again

Well hello there everyone. And DAMN!! There are tons of you now. I hope that you have gone back and read some of my prior writings. Some of you may remember me and wondered what happened to me recently.

Here goes...As I explained when we wrote our "about me" blog, I had a different life than most of you. I always received whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, but my life has flipped dramatically within the recent months. My recent events should be made into a country song, lost my dog (of 13 yrs), may be loosing my home (due to clerical events), customers paying bills late, most of the women I've dated have been married, and so on. The blog was a way for me to escape and talk about my dating experiences and whatever is going on in my life. I didn't have Internet for over a month and at first I didn't know how to act, but as weeks past, it was refreshing. I did miss reading the blog and hearing the stories from the fans. Well, I'm back and there's no getting rid of me. So other than that, here's what I’ve been doing... I frequent a local restaurant/bar to have lunch. Most of the women there are very attractive, but that wasn’t my intentions. It was just a place close to home where good food, service, and something nice to look at. I ended up breaking one of my own rules (don’t date somewhere you frequent)...One of the workers there approached me and sparked up a conversation. We had dinner the next day, and things have progressed to a friendship (on my part). What I mean "on my part" is this: she is nice, attractive, smart, simple, athletic, and very nice. There is a few things that just don’t "do it" for me though...I like simple, but not too simple. I like nice, but not too nice. I like athletic, but common' working out every day and counting calories/sugars/starches and so on??? , And doesn’t drink. That is a good thing, although a simple beer/wine or going out usually involves some sort of beverage. I have tried to think of places to go and nothing comes to mind. Many romantic things I’ve come up with involve a little of something she doesn’t like or do. The plans I do come up with are generally daytime events, so the nights are spent watching movies or going to dinners. It is just not I! But with her being as nice as she is, it's hard to say, "I'm not that into you". I have given all the signs/signals that we are friends (with benefits at times), but she is willing to wait until "I'm ready". Why do you women wait? Why would you think I would be ready with you? If I did, I WOULD!!! Men do usually say what we mean, LISTEN TO OUR WORDS/WATCH OUR ACTIONS...
I'm back and hopefully my writing thoughts will return as well. I always love questions/comments, so feel free to ask.
The Man

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Shaken, Not Stirred

Not that it has stopped me in the past, but knowing that people you see on a daily basis are reading your interior thoughts makes you think twice before posting. If you can't tell by now I'm stubborn and at times (most of the time lately) I come across as a cold-hearted bitch. Until I get to know a person and then again even after being friends for years there are days or weeks or months or even years when I will think it's acceptable to take my frustration out on the ones that love me the most.
Where do we go from here? I ask myself this question too often these days. The earthquake has subsided and at the moment we are no longer shaking with fright. For now the worst is over, but only time will tell if the aftershock will hit home again.
Life goes on whether we wish it to or not. Days vanish and before we know it another year has past and we have little to show for it. More material objects, maybe a raise, but there you are walking thru the same hallway, having the same water cooler conversation.
Tomorrow doesn't exist until your alarm clock goes off and then the groundhog routine repeats. All the while thinking to yourself that what you are doing today is going to get to Disneyland some day. (Which isn't a Cinderella dream after all)
As the years past I watch acquaintances and friends couple up, get married, buy a house in the suburbs and start a family. I don't see the rush and frankly the traditional grown up life doesn't sit well with me. I would like to have kids one day, ideally two and both in the next five years. Not sure I want the father in the picture as it seems there is a very good chance the relationship is doomed the day the baby is born.
And on that happy note have a great night everyone. I'll be off for the next few days and will return with some witty rants.

Friday, October 8, 2010

And So It Goes

I took a step forward and made the impulsive decision to leave, to start a new life far away from the haunts of the past. It was going well; new home, new car, new boyfriend, new friends and new outlook on the future and then I took what felt like ten million steps back.
It wasn't because I was still in love with Andy. Stupidly there was a part of me that questioned McDreamy's motives. Ultimately I let myself believe that no one could want me just the way I am. That I am to emotionally messed up for someone to truthfully desire me.
Making our story public was definitely not something the old me would have felt comfortable doing. I am glad I took a chance and stepped out of my comfort zone to experience what very well may have been the most refreshing and intoxicating love.
Up until now love has always been a taboo word for me. A rumored feeling that I had yet to experience, but repeatedly was spoken with no pretense. I think I finally get what all the buzz is surrounding the much hyped about word or maybe I have never been in the presence of a gentleman.
In the future I hope I will have the courage to open my heart to the idea of love without shutting down once I think I found bliss.

"In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense

And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose

But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you
As if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows"
- Billy Joel

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

The Imaginary Ex

Awhile back I mentioned D; my colorful, over the hill, sometimes partner in crime. She is unhappily married at times so after agreeing to do a girls night out and hook her up with some free drinks she has written a piece for the blog. Great job D.

Ahh, we all have them. The one that got away. How different life would be if we were still with them. As you are with someone else, things don’t go well and you think of that imaginary ex. You might have even drunk dialed them once or twice. Now with facebook, maybe even friended them. I was madly in love with mine; he was the best thing that ever got away. Going on eleven years of marriage to someone else, he was still my escape; I was going to be with him someday.
Well, I ran into him and his girlfriend of ten years the other day. I was running/walking my first 5K and he was there. The thought never even occurred to me, because he was a runner after all in our small community. He spotted me and said “D”, gave me a hug and asked “You remember Margaret?’ “Sure do” I replied. Of course in my mind she wasn’t attractive at all and why was he still with her was going through my mind. She wandered off to talk to other folks and left us unattended. As he was rambling on and on about what has been going on in his life, I discovered I wasn’t interested. Me, not caring what this man said? OMG this is the man that I actually broke his penis and he will always have a curve to remind him of it. Should of asked the girlfriend if she liked that? Wonder if he ever told her that story.
There is a time in everyone’s life to question their choices. I actually had three. Yes, I was dating three men at once. Just call them honey, dear or whatever as not to mix up names. The imaginary ex was one of them. Imaginary is the correct word, because as I now recall, I was always last on his list. He worked two jobs, had custody of his daughter, ran, played golf, basketball, etc. In his fifties and has never married still to this date. Doesn’t even live with girlfriend. Never even married hid daughter's mother. The only good thing about him was his kissing and the places he would take me that I had never been, ( oh and sex was great until the whole broken thing). So as I listen to my significant other snoring in the other room, did I make the right choice? Ask me when he awakes?

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

The Wizard of Oz

"A heart is not judged by how much you love; but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

Three hundred and sixty seven days ago my life was turned upside down. One hundred and eight two day later my new life began. I had thought about writing on Sunday, but even just reliving the days, weeks and months that followed D Day (October 3) I felt my heart beating faster and I was angry. So then I thought I shouldn't give M another fifteen minutes in the spotlight retelling the embarassing and sad story of a spineless jackass.
By now everyone reading should be well aware of the tale of M(aka JSR) and the twist of fate that brought us together and the even better twist of fate that permanently damaged our friendship forever.
Please don't tell me to let it go, to forget the douche bag, cowardly email and months later defensive and bizarre reasoning for never attempting to close the chapter politely or properly. If you can't tell by now I have let M go. There never was much to hold on to anyhow. I will forever continue to write about him because I believe I deserve to create my own ending to this chapter of my life.
Six months have gone by since we started the Love Bites blog and at the beginning we were wounded souls afraid of the unknown. Now we have a crew of nearly 15,000 super fabulous and bruised warriors and we will continue to kick some JSR ass.
Bite that M.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Love Bites

"Love bites, love bleeds
It's bringin' me to my knees
Love lives, love dies
It's no surprise
Love begs, love pleads
It's what I need."
- Def Leppard

History it would seem is repeating itself and this is my fault. I jump to conclusions without thinking because I base it on the past and the closer I let someone get the more vulnerable I am to being betrayed and rejected. So at the moment I feel a real spark I immediately discard of the man instead so I can't get hurt but then I realize maybe all men aren't created equal. Every one of them can't be a JSR can they?
It's to late now to salvage the blissful and blossoming romance with McDreamy. After my last post a couple days ago we finally had a real talk. Surprisingly he wasn't mad at me, even went on to say that it didn't matter how much I bashed him. How he felt about me wouldn't change.
I learned my lesson about dating someone who is thousands of miles away and while I very much want to continue our relationship and see what happens I had become the type of woman I've spent years mocking.
I am not typically a needy, insecure or jealous person but it would seem that the distance has made me incredibly possessive and for no reason.
He hadn't done anything or said anything wrong, but I had created drama out of nothing and as a result am mortified. We broke up over the phone though it wasn't nearly as emotionless as I had been hoping for. "I don't think I can do this anymore. It's too fast too soon. I thought I had moved on from Andy and all the baggage that came with him, but clearly I haven't.," and with that I am once again a singleton.

Saturday, October 2, 2010


"Of course you don't die. Nobody dies. Death doesn't exist. You only reach a new level of vision, a new realm of consciousness, a new unknown world." - Henry Miller

The mystery and seduction that once embodied the romance abruptly ended. Without warning I was written out of the script. I will never allow M to have the reward of being the maker of my destiny. His decision while unknowingly at the time set into motion a series of events that ultimately lead me here today. For this I am thankful. I am so happy that I finally buried the sewer rat that for years had been clinging onto my heart.
Long distance relationships have their appeal and for some they work well. The true test however comes when you have a long distance fight. Knowing that there is a very good chance the anger party will never be able to confront. You aren't forced to discuss the problem and attempt to work it out. Instead you have the option to remain silent. To not answer the phone or respond to the multiple emails. That is a choice and I suppose a cleaner way to end a love affair. But, you would think if you truly cared about someone that you would take the time and attempt to fix the problem.
Ghosts while no longer present in the after life still remain with me. No longer clinging to my heart, but where they always should have been six feet under. Unable to talk down to me, unable to control my actions, unable to fight me. I will forever stomp on the souls of the living dead whenever I need a pick me up. Words use to be like knives, but now with each click I am one step closer to finding peace within the madness. What was done can never be erased and I will forever guard my heart, but then maybe I learned my lesson. Never trust anyone. You will always be disappointed.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Thirteen Again

"Security is mostly a superstition.
It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men
as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outrightexposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing."

-Helen Keller

When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving one's self and one always ends by deceiving others. Instead of being happy at the moment I realized I had fallen for McDreamy I impulsively started a fight with him. Brilliant plan. What am I thirteen again and boys have cooties? So, I pull a move out of the How To Lose a Guy and have him running for the border handbook. I became a possessive, needy, insecure freak.
It all started when McDreamy sent me an email that apparently wasn't meant to be taken in a negative manner, but in my twisted mind I took his words to mean that he was unhappy with me and wanted out of the relationship. Without even bothering to ask him for a clarification I abruptly ended what was up until yesterday morning the beginning of possibly something great. Of course while writing my response to his email I completely forget about all the super sweet gestures and words he had said.
There were no playful conversations today, just a couple short and vague responses to my questions. After I repeatedly begged him to forgive me and forget what I wrote (ladies, don't try this at home) I've braced myself that my childish rant towards McDreamy very well might have ended us before there ever really was a we. As the hours go by and still no real answer I am becoming angry. Not only at myself, but at him for not speaking the truth.

The Day The Music Died

It appears that the 3rd October 2009 was a significant day for a couple of the Love Bites crew. It was the day that Kate’s life went to shit and the day that I thought was to be the happiest day of my life. Yes. This Sunday would have been our one year anniversary. I have to admit that I have thought about this day coming up and wondering how I will feel. I have a hen’s day/night to go to on Saturday. Races during the day then Casino for dinner and drinks. So I have already picked out a dress that makes me feel great and I’m ready to go out and have an awesome time. As for Sunday I’m not sure. I might not even care at all. I might even celebrate. However I handle it I know that I am in a better place now. I don’t wish for any of it back. I often get told I have a great smile and I plan to use it….
Wisdom & Strength…
Aussie Gal

The Breakup

I'm afraid to love, to fall in love so fast. Every time I open my heart it never seems to last.
What is wrong with me? Why do I push away people who care about me? Am I so afraid of getting hurt again that I can never fully trust anyone?
In a moment of both insecurity and loneliness I pulled the trigger on my relationship with McDreamy. Just days after I changed my fb status to "in a relationship" (which is super cheesy anyhow and I totally should have known better)I had pushed the man who helped bring me back to life off the cliff. I thought he would say something like "It's okay. I understand your fears and concerns and I accept you just the way you are." Just like Marc Darcy did to Bridget Jones, but I was wrong. What I had said couldn't be deleted and now twenty four hours later no call, no email, no text, nothing from him. I realize now I fucked up big time. But, then again if he can't deal with me on bad days then it never could have worked out.
But as my father says, "Never say never."