Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Polar Opposites

It drawn on me today why B and I never worked out. Sure there was the age gap, the love of the buzz, but in the end what ultimately pulled the plug wasn't any of these things, it was that we were polar opposites. I chased the dream, I jumped out of airplanes, I wasn't afraid of the unknown. When I read his email yesterday I wasn't anger that he declined the offer, I had known going in it was a long shot. Yet in two sentences his words said it all and I ever so quickly remembered why he had gotten on my nerves all those years ago. He was a fake. He didn't know shit and yet he so carelessly was throwing out recommendations and comments about a life and a situation he had no knowledge about.
We had gone dark many years ago and lost touch, but in the few email exchanges throughout this year he appeared to have gotten over his fears. Sadly I was wrong. Not everyone enjoys chasing dragons or building castles out of sand.
This exercise in the ex files got me to thinking about my past relationships and why they too ultimately ended. Ironically the main reason for all the break ups was the same, when it came time to jump they had no balls and chickened out. One might say they were living vicariously thru my seemingly wild and I and outlandish thoughts on life and bucket list goals. When I pushed the subject and was ready to embark on my newest objective these men all began backpedaling and making excuses and negative remarks about how my idea was insane and would never work out.
When in fact, everything I have ever said I wanted to do and would accomplish has come true and not only has it not failed it has blossomed into a grand success. Of course, no man will ever acknowledge their golden pussy attitude.

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