Thursday, March 31, 2011

Mixed Signals

After some of you read my last blog, you may have thought "what an idiot", but I need to add some more details.

She NEVER mentioned this fact to me. When we met, she told me she was happy I was that cute (her words), She said I looked better in person, Loved my eyes, and more! Plus here were a few other "mixed signals" : Introduces me to her mom, showed me where she lives, offered a massage (just a regular one..not the "happy-ending" kind), told me I have to meet her friends, told her friends about me, when she fell asleep, it was in my lap, fed me a few times while we ate, bought me a shirt, and some more I cant think of right now. Does this sound like a "hang out" buddy to you? or was she truly interested? I have no idea! Why all these mixed signals? or do I want a relationship so badly I created this to be more than what it was? I do have tons of female friends, but usually these things are never done. There is a line that is never crossed, and usually stated form the beginning. I think the situation is extremely funny, but was I getting mixed signals?

Let’s be honest: Dating is full of uncertainty. In fact, that’s what makes it exciting (occasionally disappointing). It’s the waiting to see if someone will call—or fall for you, for that matter. Sometimes, though, the signals can get a little too confusing. And, that situation can be worse than a brush-off, since you’re not sure whether to hang on or cut bait. I guess I will never figure out the woman's mind!
The Man

Dead End

My life should be made into a book! Ohh, it has somewhat become one. lol
Well, there's never a dull moment with me. I have been talking to someone for about two weeks now.(Met her on a dating site) We "talked" about three weeks prior to exchanging numbers. I knew she was recently divorced and didn't want any commitments. We had great conversations and to add to it she was very beautiful. From the start, she said "these dating sites are a joke." "I would NEVER meet anyone from here." So as our talks continue, we realize we have so much in common so there was only one thing to do...MEET.
It was a daytime meet, in a public place (the mall), I did the girly thing and went shopping (or I walked with her as she shopped). Conversation was ever better in person. As time passed, we both got hungry, so I suggested we have dinner. Usually it's only a "meet and greet" , but the comfort level was high, so the date went on. After finishing eating we realized we were there for 3 hours! Time passed effortlessly. She then said she didn't want this night to end. I was somewhat shocked, but was right there with her. We then went to a sports-bar and stayed there much longer. We both had things to do the next day, so we parted ways. The texts were flowing as we both headed our separate ways.
From that day forth, we did the "good morning's", "how's your day", "what's for lunch", and much more. There wasn't a day that passed without talking every couple hours. The following weekend, we played tennis, had brunch, and even a few dinners. she then asked "hey, don't you like to cook? can we just have dinner at your place, and maybe a movie?" I didn't have to think twice! "YUP, sounds like a plan". I then did what every bachelor does when someone is coming to your house....... I went nuts cleaning!! I even bought a new vaccum.LOL. I bought all the new air-fresheners, lit some candles, set the dimmers a little lower, and freaked out!! she was coming over here! My place was a mess (well, not really) but I wanted to impress.
Dinner was flawless, candles were just right, and everything was falling in place. I popped the movie in and noticed the body language was a little different (sign 1). I didn't think too much about it until I looked again, and BAM!..she was asleep.(sign 2) No holding hands, no kisses ever exchanged, and when there was physical contact, it was quickly corrected (sign 3). Thse signs kept adding up, but I didn't think twice..We went out several times,she was recently need to rush anything.
The following few days she wanted to see me again so we hung out. Here's where I picked up on a big one...She was telling a cute story and all of a sudden she asked "what are you thinking?" I wanted to be honest, so I told her "at that moment I wanted to give you a kiss (not a deep, passionate one, a pop-kiss) She then looked around and said "what! here?" I figured because we were eating at a public place, she didn't want to be embarrassed (public display of affection). Again I should have thought something was up, but nope.
Today I had hit my limit of small-talk and was curious as to what I was seeing/hearing. I told her "recently I saw you using the word "friend" when we talked", and even when you texted a few times, you mentioned "I am glad to have a (friend) like you". So am I a "friend" or something more? She replies "well, you havent hit the friend level just yet, but you're pretty close". WTF? I thought to myself.....she then tells me I usually don't consider someone a "friend" for a while, but you're different". Ok, I'm getting really confused at this point. She then goes on to tell me she is glad we met, and it's tough to find a guy who only wants to "hang out" and not try to get laid. She goes on to say how comfortable I have made her feel to have a guy who only wants to chill, and expects nothing in return. OK AT THIS POINT I WAS LOST!! DID SHE THINK I WAS GAY OR SOMETHING??? nope! She then goes on and asked "why? did you want more?" Hell yea, I want a girlfriend, or at least know I'm working towards that point. She then askes "why would you ever think that?" ahahha!! well..... we did meet on a DATING SITE,not a HANG OUT site. She then responds "didn't you see I only wanted to hang out?" Nope! I never looked, and as things were progressing, I thought it was in natural order for someone who wanted to take things slow. Well......what it comes down to is that I cancelled a few REAL DATES, to meet and HANG OUT with someone who never wanted a relationship to begin with. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAH!!! boy do I feel dumb! I guess when I/some people want something so badly the overlook certain things, but looking back all the signs were there!
The Man

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

The Man Who Cried Love

Having someone say "I love you" is suppose to be a pretty big step in a relationship. But, how do you know it's true love and not just lust masked with firework hopes and dreams?
It seems like so many people feel pressured into the exposing themselves and going out of their comfort zone for a grand ideal that appears closer than it ever really was. A stranger becomes a lover without much thought. The carefree vision of love and happiness keeps you high until one day the hot air balloon comes crashing down to earth.
What was never said is what will remain. Maybe some words are to little, to late, but then if this is true love never existed at all. If you walk away without a fight you never were running towards happiness to begin with.
What were you thinking talking to a stranger? The candy was counterfeit, but it's to late now you eat it all up and your stomach is rumbling in pain.
There was no cake, no card, no flowers just an empty room where love once lived.
Happy belated birthday to me. Dirty 30 here I come.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Finding True Happiness

"Relationships…There are those that open you up to something new & exotic, those that are old & familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, & those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging & significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself." -Carrie Bradshaw

"Our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we have become." ~unknown

Who are you? Did you become whom you always wanted? Are you where you pictured yourself to be? These and many other questions will come up as the years pass, but have you found your purpose? We often look at what society "thinks" are the correct choices, but often this doesn’t reflect who we are. We are all different, make different choices, and lead our lives in different manners until we find our comfort. Some of us will become doctors, others may become lawyers, some will be construction workers, and yet others will work in fast-food industry. Have you ever wondered why some people work at McDonalds in their late 20's or 30's and seem happy? Is it what they always wanted to be? did they lose motivation?, or have they realized that true happiness isn’t the amount of money you make, the car you drive, or all the materialistic bullshit that so many chase and never achieve. You can spend years trying to keep up with the "Jones" and never find happiness. So many in the world today are seeking True Happiness. I at this point in my journey have never heard anyone express a desire to be unhappy. Have you?

True happiness is such a necessary part of living a fulfilled life yet so few can honestly claim to have found it. Why is that? Why and how could it be that something that is so important and desired in the lives of so many seem to be so difficult to attain? How is it possible that so many who have such a strong desire to attain true happiness have such a difficult time attaining it?
If you ask ANY person on any given day what they most desire in their lives, if broken down and analyzed is a desire to be happy. Each and every day I hear statements such as, “If only I could get that certain job, then I’d be truly happy.” Or “If only I could acquire a certain amount of money, that would be all I need to be happy.” Or “If only I could find just the right mate, then life would be truly fulfilling.” And still another, “If only I could attain a certain level of health, then life would be just perfect.” All different statements, but all pointing in the same direction, and desiring the same end result. Finding True Happiness.

So what is it? Where do we find it...? True Happiness lies within you. Yes YOU too! Not in the effects of the external world, but within each and every person that currently exists or has ever existed in this physical form that is referred to as life. Each and every one of us holds all the answers within us. Make the choice to be happy!! I recently did some reading on this and found a few interesting facts.

* Whatever is going on in your mind is what you are attracting.
* Thought = creation. If these thoughts are attached to powerful emotions (good or bad) that speeds the creation.
* Those who speak most of illness have illness; those who speak most of prosperity have it, etc.
* It’s OK that thoughts don’t manifest into reality immediately (if we saw a picture of an elephant and it instantly appeared, that would be too soon).
* Everything in your life you have attracted. Accept that fact; it’s true.
* You get exactly what you are feeling.
* What you think and what you feel and what actually manifests is always a match — no exception.
* You don’t need to know how the universe is going to rearrange itself.
* How long??? No rules on time; the more aligned you are with positive feelings the quicker things happen.
* Size is nothing to the universe (unlimited abundance if that’s what you wish). We make the rules on size and time.
* If you turn it over to the universe, you will be surprised and dazzled by what is delivered. This is where magic and miracles happen.
* The Hows are the domains of the universe. It always knows the quickest, fastest, most harmonious way between you and your dream.
* Our job is not to worry about the “How”. The “How” will show up out of the commitment and belief in the “what”.
* We are mass energy. Everything is energy. Everything.
* An affirmative thought is 100 times more powerful than a negative one.

Realize that true happiness lies within you. Waste no time and effort searching for peace and contentment and joy in the world outside. Remember that there is no happiness in having or in getting, but only in giving. Reach out. Share. Smile. Hug. Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself. Take the time to find what truly makes you happy. A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.

I recently met someone who had everything and lost everything. I asked, "How can you still walk around with a smile"? She replied, "You will never be happier than you expect. To change your happiness, change your expectation. Happiness is not in having or being—it is in the doing."
I was shocked and stunned, but it gave me something to think about. I know this blog is a little different from what I usually write, but thought it may help to look deep inside us. FIND YOU-FIND HAPPINESS
The Man

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Go Fish

There will always be more fish in the sea. More drama and responsibilities put on your already full plate. There will be days when you dread waking up and confronting the day because you know it's not sunny in Philadelphia anymore. But, you continue to push on and go about the motions just let everyone else. You hold out hope that things will change, but as the days turn into weeks and months with little sign of progress the sky starts to look more black than blue.
Good luck in your search for love. What you think you're searching for may not be what you wanted after all. As the years go by your expectations and understanding of the opposite sex will probably change. Eventually you will come to realize that nobody can be molded into the person we wish they would be. Someday will never come.
You can believe in love, but you must also believe that true love and happiness can not be ordered in a magazine or on a computer. There is nothing random about anything we do. There is a reason for everything that ultimately occurs even if you don't know why at that moment in time.
Everyday is filled with the same mystery bag of emotions and issues. We dream of a life free of worries. A life filled only with champagne wishes and caviar dreams. But, Robin Leach isn't coming around anytime soon and the flock of eligible winners is trimming down. It's not so fun after all feeling like the only one left in the game.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Innocent Until Proven Guilty

Over the last few days there has been talks about: if I was "dating material", why I haven’t settled down, and that I'm "just fun". Normally I wouldn't spend the time answering questions from a stranger, but I am sure she's not alone on this. I have talked about "what guys/I want" but I have never really focused on my own issues. I thought I may have, but I am guessing some of you may think, "who is he to talk all that shit about women...if he were so "perfect" wouldn't he be with someone?" and many more questions. Well, here goes my attempt to explain myself a little.

There are many reasons I never got into this.... I have tried to remain somewhat anonymous; therefore some details have been left out. Let me first talk about my past. In my early 20's I was in a committed relationship that went sour after 4 yrs. Did I love her? I sure did! I would have even proposed to her (I did once), but for the wrong reasons (we were in a fight and I didn't want to loose her). She worked on the weekends about 4 hrs, away. I never questioned anything until one Christmas morning. Her Dr. (with whom we bought her breast implants) knocked on my door and asked if he could see her. I then asked "why". He then replied, "I’m here to pick up my girlfriend". I was furious! So that ended that relationship. I later found out while she was "working" she was actually seeing him instead. I should have picked up on the "signs" but my trust was 100 %. After her, I just "dated" for a while. I was not ready to be hurt again. A few years later I met my ex-fiancĂ©e. We were together for a while as well, when I realized we are totally different people. She began drinking every day as I raised her kids. It hit rock bottom for me when her kids asked "is mom drunk again?". I stayed with her for about another 6 months until she found a new place to live. All of this brings me to recently.

You may have judged me from what I have written thinking I am a Man-whore. But what you didn’t realize is the time period of everything I have been writing. Some was in my 20's and some as recent as the days I wrote them. Sure I would think, "this guy is just a fun guy", but let's be honest. How many dates, relationships, one nighters (perhaps) have you had in 10 or more years. Another thing is that you really don’t know my exact age, which if you were doing the math could be anything. Have I questioned myself? Have I often wondered if I should have settled down by now? I sure have! But I have no regrets in the choices I’ve made and actually proud I don't have a divorce and kids yet. Am I often judged for these facts? I sure am! But until you've lived in my shoes you wouldn't know what's behind what you see. Now let me see if I can touch upon the rest of the questions asked, and perhaps the rest you may be wondering.

Where I live it is not uncommon to be thirty-something and unmarried, but for some of you thee is something wrong with me. I have been in committed, long-term relationships. That's not the question...What you are curious about is: am I a player/fun guy? Let me give you some facts and then some explanations. I know exactly what I want out of a partner, I don’t play games, I wont lead you on, and I wont stay with someone because I am scared of being alone. Some of my dates have had children (which I don’t mind) but the Wednesdays and every other weekend makes it tough at the beginning to get to know someone. And that if I am lucky enough to get every other weekend. There are so many dead-beat dads out there, that I rarely even get this. Professional women: job comes first, and constantly busy/canceling plans (again, tough for a relationship). Down to earth/ normal: The two or three I tried dating had drug problems that arose after getting to know them better. I don’t do drugs, and enjoy my sleep. Another wouldn’t let me get a word in edgewise. Its not that everyone is bad, or not relationship material, it's the ones I’ve dated have had big issues. I sometimes write about these, and even have funny stories, but the truth is they were not right for me. We all wish we could meet that perfect someone, but we all have our faults and issues. It just depends what you can brush aside and what you can live with. For me, and I'm sure for you there are things that are just too hard to deal with. Face it, a good number of you were married for years to people like this and it was too much. I was just in the dating period and found all of this out. Did you expect me to stay? Hell, most of you walked away after years with people like this! So am I "dating material"? I must say I am...I even ran a little test yesterday and asked what people thought, and guess what? I AM FUCKING AWESOME, HONEST, TRUSTWORTHY, HUSBAND MATERIAL, QUE RICO, DA BOMB, ASS HOLE, HELL YEA, I'D DO YA, and a few more. So only you can be the judge!
The Man

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

The Love of His Life, Really?!?!

I am really blown away by how many people are reading this now. You guys ROCK!!!!! The Man has his own page now. Clothing line comes out soon. It’s awesome. I know I’m going to spin out if I am walking down the street and see someone wearing a Love Bites shirt. This has been a great experience that I have been allowed to be a part of. I love it…

Recently I found out that JSR has met “The Love of His Life”, according to the shit that he posts on facebook. He even put in a post to her mother that he has always wanted to be their son in law. I then found out that he has tattooed her name on his arm. WTF? What a joke. He really has lost the plot. He hasn’t even been separated long enough to get a divorce and he has a tattoo. Just another thing that this silly man is going to regret in time. Is he trying to compensate for something? Trying to show that even though he walked away from a marriage he can still show that he can commit? Mate… I don’t know if that’s the best way to go about it hey…
So how does it make me feel? For the most part I couldn’t really care. He is not a part of my life anymore. But I will be honest and say that there is this little part of me that thinks he doesn’t have a right to fall in love so quickly. He hurt me, my family, HIS family and our friends with no explanation or apology. I guess I kind of wanted the guy to be single and lonely for long enough for what he has done to sink in and feel the pain and regret. In no way do I want him to come crawling back to me. Hell I don’t ever want to see him again. Maybe this new relationship of his is based on the fact that he doesn’t want to feel that regret. So there is probably little hope for it if its purpose is to keep other feelings from surfacing. Apparently there have already been issues caused by his daughter so I guess it probably is doomed. I wonder how much laser tattoo removal costs??????
Aussie Gal

Monday, March 21, 2011

A Bashing Good Time

Ok resentful reader: I am sorry I am not your "type", and touched on your inner feelings. I am although glad I brought these feelings out of you. It shows that my words have brought up your own insecurities and failed relationship fears. I am just one guy. I do not represent all men. I do, in fact have great knowledge when it comes to certain relationship issues/and/or dating. Knowledge comes from skills acquired through experience or education. I assume you have not read from the beginning or even know if I am writing in past or present tense. I could be happily married, and just asked to write due to my experiences and studies in this field. If you have noticed, I have always called myself "average". I am not perfect in any way what-so-ever, but due to my looks and sense of humor have been blessed with the ability to date/experience things many would never know. If you had this gift, and were happy with your choices in life, wouldn't you also want to do it? For some happiness is married with children, white picket fences, and going out to Denny's for dinner once a month. I have the ability to go wherever I wish, with a beautiful woman, whenever I want. Is that cocky? Not at all. I have worked hard to live this lifestyle, and it creates a jealousy factor with many. Sorry you have not received what you wanted out of life. We all choose the pathways of our lives and my road has been paved with many interesting,funny,sexy,and at times twisted experiences. I would assume you (just my professional guess) you have recently had a failed relationship, you love to read fantasy stories (i.e. Twilight), enjoy some crime/detective movies, love romantic songs, think you'll never find someone whom can be everything you want(all men are evil dicks), and you have a huge interest in being heard. You have a touch of sadness and you feel you are never listened to, so you are somewhat jealous of what happiness many others hold. Some of what you have written has shown me you can not do half the things I have done, it shows your own insecurities and inabilities. This is the carnal part of our humanity that always desires posessions of others. I am not the one whom hurt you. You will, in time, find someone whom will accept you for who you are, but you will need to release the anger inside yourself. I love to see you are able to express those feelings here. It is a big step in your healing process.

One more thing you touched upon was the word "WISDOM".

Wisdom is a deep understanding and realizing of people, things, events or situations, resulting in the ability to choose or act to consistently produce the optimum results with a minimum of time and energy. It is the ability to optimally (effectively and efficiently) apply perceptions and knowledge and so produce the desired results. Wisdom is also the comprehension of what is true or right coupled with optimum judgment as to action. Synonyms include: sagacity, discernment, or insight. Wisdom often requires control of one's emotional reactions (the "passions") so that one's principles, reason and knowledge prevail to determine one's actions. I never stated I "know all", but I do believe I do have some wisdom when it comes to certain issues. (but you can be the judge)

I have read your words over and over (with a slight smile) and I keep going back to "what hurt you"? "What made you speak up"? I honestly don't know, but your words seem a little bitter and I feel sorry, but you also seem a little rejected. Here are a few things I came up with:

Reasons to bash someone:
Mistaken Identity
Existing Rivalry
Mob Mentality
Moral Differences
Religious Differences
Righting a Wrong
Need for Attention
Need for a Boost of Self Confidence
Deflecting Attention/Creating a Diversion
Misguided Enthusiasm
Hurt Feelings
Two Wrongs...
Bad Day
Ease of Doing So Behind These Anonymous Masks
Bad Seafood
Crap & Giggles

None of which are positive feelings. I am glad you have written though. It has given me inspiration to write again. I hope by voicing your opinion it has given you some peace. I would love for you to write up privately and perhaps we could enter your writings into our blog for one time. Or if you need references on a good counselor in your area, I could ask a few colleagues in this field.
After thinking things through, your words also touched upon this:
Jealousy is a secondary emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, particularly in reference to a human connection. Jealousy often consists of a combination of presenting emotions such as anger, sadness, and disgust. It is not to be confused with envy.

I, in no way, want to hurt your feelings, but my way of writing is generally not sugar-coated, and true to the point. I have stated in order for us to move forward, we need to understand each other. We are all in search of what's "perfect" for us, and who wouldn't want help and a little more understanding to find "the one"?
The Man

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Q & A with The Man

Dear reader who posted this question:
"I have been reading and following this for a little while and have a question for The Man. You're here talking about how women are or are not dating material. But the question is; are you, The Man, dating material? I think not since you're already in your mid 30s and still not settled down, from what I've read. It seems like you are a fun guy, willing to try anything and everything, but not a keeper. You're just for fun. But would like your answer."
I must say I actually smiled as soon as I read this and am glad someone had the balls to ask.
Am I/the Man a "keeper"? I would have to say, I couldn’t answer that question. Do I "think" I am...It depends whom you ask. I will say this...I have been on many dates, many long and short-term relationships, and 80% have wanted much more from me. They thought I was a "keeper" and scared me off! Let me give you a few examples. I meet someone; we "click" I am really into her, but within weeks/sometimes days already planning our futures together. Some have asked "how soon would you have a kid with me" or told me they "love" me in no time at all. Most of these women are just so happy to meet someone halfway normal, they are ready to do anything to keep me. Another way to judge if I am a "keeper" would be to ask everyone I’ve dated. I assume if you knew me, you would realize I am a decent guy. The number of ex-girlfriends whom still consider me a friend, and ask my advice at times also reflects this. How many people do you know that have 90% of their ex-girlfriends on their facebook, or remain friends after a break-up? That has to at least say we all split on good terms, right? I’m not a dick, and very honest, but am I a "keeper" depends on your list of requirements. I think we all have someone just perfect for us. It just takes time to realize what you really want out of your partner. You have to realize I write to give "my/the man" point of view. This does not reflect all males, but I would imagine a good percent agree with me. I have not read many men disagreeing with what I’ve written, but I'm sure there are some who think I'm nuts. In life people have different standards, morals, ideas, and so much more... I hope what I write did not upset you, but I must say I only tend to get upset when things are hitting home. Did I touch on something inside of you in one of my blogs? Am I correct in anything I am writing? Who knows! It’s just my point of view. I appreciate asking me, and wish I had more to answer your question. I have to tell you, I only write bits and pieces of my life, but I know I am judged upon that alone. I have entered a blog where I am the only man in a world of bad relationships. I expected some backlash from day one and will take it in stride. I don’t think too many men would be willing to write about their thoughts, feelings, or ideas to over 37,000 people. All I can do is try. I will look into this more and answer any future questions as well. Hope this helps.
The Man

Is Your Man a Keeper?

I saw this tonight and had to re-post it. Are these the signs a man is a "keeper"? If so, you be the judge if I am a "keeper". As I read this I swear I touched on a good amount of these in my blogs, but maybe I didn't. A woman also wrote this, so I would be interested if this is what you are looking for? What do women want? Please feel free to tell me. I love to learn.

In the complicated world of love and relationship how can a woman recognize if her guy is a keeper? You think you have found "the one" but you are not sure. Although there are no hard and fast rules about what makes a Mr. Right, here are 10 widely accepted signs that say your guy may be a keeper.

1. His energy barometer is the same as yours.
The possibility of a long-term relationship exists if you and your guy have the same energy level. If you enjoy being active, going for walks, hiking and the like and he enjoys being on the go, then your relationship is in the long-term zone.

2. Respect
Here are few behaviors that show he respects you

* He accepts that you have a life of your own and does not invade your privacy.
* He's comfortable when you read your text messages in front of him - even if he does not know who sent them.
* He's not jealous when you spend time with your family and friends.
* He does not feel he is entitled to go everywhere with you.
* When he calls and you don't answer the phone - he does not assume you are up to no good.
* He lets you know if he's going to be late.
* If you have children - he does not compete with them for your attention.

3. He's your # 1 Fan
If your guy nurtures your confidence, applauds your accomplishments, and his words and actions give you those "feel good" feelings - yeah, he's a keeper all right.

4. He's all grown up
Your guy is on top of his game. He's not a whiny, blaming others, hating his family and ex girl friends. He knows who is - knows what he wants and taking action to create his dream life. This is a guy you will be having fun with.

5. Inconveniences himself for you
Let's face it, life happens and sometimes the unexpected can wreak havoc with your day. If you need his help and you call him when he's asleep or when he's doing something of importance - he goes into the "I want to help you" mode and his creative mind finds a way to help you.

6. He is kind
Even though he may not have a child or a pet - when he comes in contact with an unhappy child or a sick animal - he shows genuine concern and he shows respect for the elderly.

7. He keeps his word
When I was growing up my mother's mantra "your word is your bond" still echoes in my mind. If your guy makes a concerted effort to keep his word - take him home to meet your family.

8. Spends time with your family and friends
He accepts that your family and friends are an important part of your life - he factors time into his schedule - to occasionally spend time with them.

9. Pays attention to you
It's your mom's birthday and he remembers her favorite restaurant and surprises you both by driving there. The way to a woman's heart is through her mother.

10. Accepts your quirky habits
You like to sleep with your feet outside the blanket. You only eat your salad if it's room temperature. Quirky yes, but your Mr. Right does not care. He accepts you just the way you are.

There are many more signs that could signify that the man in your life is a keeper. I hope these help with your decision. If he's a keeper, celebrate what you have in common and embrace the differences. These differences will make your relationship more vibrant.
The Man

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Guy Code

After writing my last blog, I thought I should add a few things. Below are a few things that explain a few ways to be a "cool girl".

Well, “Cool Girls” understand the facts of life when it comes to how men can be different.
And what’s more… they make these differences work in their favor (and not against them like so many other unfortunate women).
It’s as if they’ve learned this unspoken "guy code" that most other women don’t even know is going on right in front of them.
Im going to try letting you in on some of these codes and guidelines… starting with a few of the big "Don’ts":

"Cool Girl" DON’Ts:

- Cool Girls DON’T exaggerate about what’s going on around them or what a man’s doing, unless they’re doing it as a joke or to make fun of a man in a playful way.

- Cool Girls DON’T say everything that they’re feeling and experiencing. They think before they speak. (Listen up to this one — it’s HUGE.)

- Cool Girls DON’T mention bad situations, issues or problems from the past unless it’s a total must or extremely important and they haven’t been able to talk about it yet. They find the right time for them and their man to talk. Otherwise, Cool Girls live in the present moment.

- Cool Girls DON’T try to FORCE a man to talk about his feelings. They know that it will only backfire and he’ll think she’s being needy and close off.

Now, I know what you’re probably thinking:

"How can they act like that? It sounds like "Cool Girls" are totally fake or devoid of all natural emotion." or what I was told once was a "stepford wife"

"Cool girls" still experience all of the same thoughts and feelings any normal healthy woman has…but, they’ve chosen to adopt a different kind of behavior that will ultimately get them the response that they’re looking for with the man. They acknowledge the irrational ways of men and let that help shape their actions, which results in very powerful, very positive reactions from the men in their lives.
Simply put, they’ve got guys eating out of their hand, even in situations where other women would have caused emotional turmoil and drama. I am sure even after reading this once again, I will still have many more things to add. If you're a guy, what makes a girl stand above the rest , and makes her you're "cool girl"?
The Man

Are You Girlfriend Material?

I have recently had numerous discussions with a few women and they just don't get it. I am hoping this helps you get inside our heads a little more. Did you know that most men decide if a woman is "girlfriend material" within a few seconds of meeting her?

If you don’t know how to create the right first impression with a man, then you just might get thrown into the "just a friend" category before you can even talk to or connect with him. Everything that you do after a man gets that initial impression about you is run through the "she’s just a friend" filter… and this can make being in the "friend zone" almost inescapable. Learn the mistakes lots of women make in first and second impressions that land them in the "friend zone"

WHY A MAN RECOGNIZES ONE WOMAN AS "RELATIONSHIP MATERIAL" AND ANOTHER AS JUST A "FLING". Did you know that men have several specific terms and phrases that they use with each other to think of and describe women?
It’s a sort of "guy code" that men everywhere use with each other and their friends. One of my favorites that I often use is "cool girl". I'm sure most of you guys know exactly what I'm talking about, but let's face it, without me giving some of our secrets, they will never understand.
Here goes: when a man says, "Yea, I met this girl the other night and she was a really "cool girl". As simple as this sounds, the meaning that we use this term is because applies to a set of very specific qualities.Qualities that, although never actually discussed among men, are universally understood. We want the "cool girl," the one who is willing to try whatever, but able to be herself while doing so.

Quick quiz here for you:

1) You’ve got cool fashion sense.
2) Great taste in music.
3) You hang with the hippest friends at the hottest spots.
4) And you’re often the life of the party.

So, that makes you a "Cool Girl", right? Not necessarily.
Well, for starters, MEN DON’T MAKE SENSE. We don't give a crap about half those things. We don't care what you drive, what type of job you have, the fancy clothes, how many places you've been, and so much more that you "think" impresses us. Men, on the other hand, need to have all that materialistic bullshit to land 80% of you. The more you try and use logic and reason to figure us out, the more you’re going to become frustrated and upset.It may seem simple, but men think of women as "cool girls" when they see that a woman understands something that other women can’t even see going on. We see that a cool girl "gets it" on a level that lots of other women don’t. They demonstrate to men certain social and emotional understandings and ways of behaving that resonate deeply, without having to be talked about or explained. To put it another way, "cool girls" exude positive emotional energy that men can relate to. They are naturally the kind of women who every man is inexplicably drawn to, even if they dont look like a supermodel. It's something you either have or not.
Signs of not being a "cool girl":
Has a man ever accused you of being too emotional, moody, spoiled, or worse – maybe some guy actually called you hysterical or needy? or even a "stalker type"? Whatever he called you, it was the start of him closing off or getting irritated with you and things going wrong in the conversation. Some times, its best to just stop there! but some of you push and push til there's no return. In fact, it’s standard behavior for most men to react to a woman with withdrawal or frustration in these kinds of conversations.

Is it the right thing for a man to do? Obviously not, but you might be forgetting that WE DONT MAKE SENSE! I’m not saying that honesty isn’t important or that you’re not entitled to feel how you feel But, in order to make a relationship work, it’s CRITICAL for you to understand that men simply aren’t wired the same way that women are when it comes to connecting on an emotional level. We open up, connect, and become emotionally committed in different ways, and for different reasons than most women do.

Unfortunately, lots of women never really learn what these differences are… so they go about trying to build a connection, attraction, and a lasting relationship with a man by doing what they think works for them.
It’s time to change the ways a man often responds to you with frustration,
instead, learn what will get him to finally and at long last listen, learn, and connect with you on a deeper emotional level. The key is UNDERSTANDING the buttons that will cause most men to stop listening and withdraw and instead learn how to communicate directly and easily with the part of his personality and mind that’s open and receptive to love, affection, and connection with you. Men want love and to connect with a woman more than they like to show…
The Man

Wednesday, March 16, 2011


As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't suppose to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back.
I have entered into the world of online dating with big dreams and an open mind, but with little expectations. Sure it's exciting to open your inbox and discover dozens of messages and winks from strangers, but in this search for the almighty soulmate your heart will probably be crushed and your ego bruised. Brush the silence and "he's not that into you" vibe off and continue marching along the yellow brick road.
If you put your hopes on the top tier you will most likely feel like you got the short end of the stick. So aim high, start a conversation with the gorgeous model who you most likely would never approach in person and see where life takes you. If nothing else there is a funny story to be told.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

When is Enough, Enough?

I haven’t had too much to write about in the recent days but thought I could transfer a situation I am going through into something many of you have once questioned, or perhaps going through.
I recently adopted a new dog. If you've been reading our tales and misfortunes, you would understand what kind of step this was for me. I am an animal lover (cats not so much), and last month a woman was walking down my street with a leash in hand. She asked if I had seen a dog. I told her I've been out here for a while and have seen nothing. As she continued walking, a reddish colored dog comes up to me and sits down at my feet. I knew this must have been the dog she was looking for. She returned about fifteen minutes later and I asked, "Is this the dog you're looking for?" she said, "Yes, it sure is". We then talked about how her son had found the dog out in the Everglades and miles away from civilization. He brought it home in attempts to find it a new home with no avail. She then explained that she was going to drop his off at the humane society the following day. I knew due to the type of dog he was, he would be put down in no time at all. I then did what I "thought" was the right thing to do...I took him in.

I have now had him for over a month, spent over five hundred dollars on vaccinations, registrations, food, toys, a cage, and so much more. This is where I am going to try to translate it into a "relationship situation" for you to relate. There are many signs that indicate when and inevitably why enough is enough. However, many of us often fall victim to the classic case of denial. We allow ourselves to believe that he or she will change or that the situation will blow over eventually. We create continuous excuses that will only create false hope and wishful thinking. It is incredibly hard to just throw in the towel and call it quits, especially after investing so much time and effort into the relationship. This dog has been nothing but problems but due to my heart and how cute he is, I thought he would change. In relationships we think this same thing, or often think they are going through a "phase". Many are so attracted or lonely that we try to overlook these faults, but the reality is we are in denial of the facts.

Every relationship goes through hard times and manages through, making it to the other side with a bit more experience behind them. Not every bump in the road is reason to give the whole relationship up, but there are some things that are plenty of reason to say, "enough is enough" and move on alone. When is enough, enough? That is only for you to answer. Where is your tolerance level? I was raised with old school beliefs and while in a relationship will do everything in my power to make it work, but if I am the only one working to keep it alive, then all my efforts are going nowhere.

“Relationships-of all kinds-are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost.”

After dating someone for a while, you just know. It does not have to be a long time either. There are clues that will put a light on in your head. Don’t waste time waiting for something to happen that never will. On the other hand, if there is a guy/girl that you like but you find you are doing all the attempts to contact, they are not that into you! Relationships and getting to know someone are a two way street. If you're doing all the work, they may have turned off your road a long time ago. Be fair to yourself and don’t allow yourself to be mistreated. Vie said it a million times...IF A GUY REALLY LIKES YOU, HE WILL DO EVERYTHING IN HIS POWER TO BE WITH YOU. Women call me all the time asking for advice. I may not know everything, but I do know when a guy likes you he will show it. Don't search for excuses or believe his. If there is always a reason to not see you, it's as simple as: HE DOESN'T WANT TO.

So now I have had enough, and trying to figure out my options for this dog. I will not allow him to destroy everything I have worked hard for, but I will not let him be put to sleep as well. I have tried everything in my power to make him a happy home, but have received nothing in return except for grief. On a daily basis I am just counting the money he chews up or ruins. I have had many dogs in the past, and know how to train them, but this one has no hope. My frustration levels are high, and heart goes out for him, but something has to give. So when is enough, enough? I've hit my point!
The Man

Friday, March 11, 2011

Bittersweet Sundae

Sometimes the only way to make peace with our past is to be the bigger person and admit to our own faults and accept that a poor choice of words and a thoughtless act can have a profound effect on events to follow.
Some people try very hard to avoid conflict and drama while others seemingly go out of their way to provoke unnecessary fights. Finally after you have pushed away any caring person it finally hits you. It wasn't that you picked the bad apple of the lot it's that you couldn't accept anyone at face value. So you kept pushing and drilling for an answer to a question that had been answered long before the second date. But, it wasn't good enough. Nothing is ever good enough until it's long gone and you realize what you threw away.
So you close yet another chapter with the same sad, confused and frustrated feeling and again you promise yourself that you will not repeat the same offense in the future. You cross your fingers, hit send and walk away bittersweet. Knowing you most likely will never speak again and that the memories you do have will remain in your heart and hopefully be a stepping-stone for those to follow.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Flying Hearts

If you knew the ending to the story would you still pick the same door?
It use to be simple. Boy meets girl, they date, fall in love, get married, have kids, grow old, the end. But, how do you know you've found that needle in a haystack? The one and only person in the entire universe that completely you and many years from now will still adore you. Relationships and the almighty search for the illusive soul mate make the idea of love and all it stands for more like a game of Russian roulette. Unknowingly we sometimes find ourselves playing games with the people we love because we want to be sure their feelings are genuine. Yet in the process we end up pushing them further and further away.
The silence can drive you mad. You replay the events and conversations and wonder where did it go so horribly wrong. If this isn't the first time you were left without an explanation you may begin to question if you are simply picking the bad seeds or perhaps the problem is you and your stubborn personality.
Until you understand what happened along the way to happily ever after you will remain in a circle of bad choices and turbulent relationships.
I do not want to continue having a conversation with myself. Although it seems to be what I do best. It's become all too apparent in recent weeks that things can't continue as they have been. That changes must be made immediately if there is hope for a future.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

The Confusion of Internet Dating

The confusion of Internet dating is killing me, but I think I have figured out a few facts. Most Internet profiles make what you are looking for seem objective (based on data in the profile) when actual connection is made, it becomes extremely subjective. It's this illusion of objectivity that doom us. When online these people are just what we're looking for,and our same interests. The issue is that due to the security and getting to know someone factor, we talk way too much before meeting. For most it's so much prior information that there's little room for discovery. And once you see a flaw in the other person, the fantasy is ruined.So instead of giving the person a chance, you go home and log on to the computer to find someone else who looks good on paper. It's just too easy! go home, click a button, write an email, and it's either a date, or not. It's not just too much information that makes online dating confusing- it's too many choices. As soon as you send an e-mail to a potential mate, the 'mail sent' confirmation screen automatically flashes the message "Take a look at other members with profiles like [the person you just e-mailed]" - then show you several more people who might interest you. Before the first person even receives your e-mail, you're given new choices to consider" . Then there are "The jugglers" (those who were managing 15 or more communications at once) were writing very bad-quality e-mails to each other. If you had to write 20 e-mails, how good could they be?. When these people over-juggle, they don't have the attention to give to the one person who would really work best for them.But because they don't know who that one person is, they keep juggling and end up with nobody.
What ever happened to just getting to know someone? Everything these days has to be the easy way! But lets be honest,with online dating, one isn't contacted or responded to unless the other person looks at your picture and thinks, "Yeah, I'd go there." So, it starts with lust, and if we're lucky, ends in romance. Who are we kidding, we are looking at their best photos, at the best angles, and imagining how they are speaking to us as we read their emails. We have already perceived their body language, their tone, and their expressions. Internet dating is not for the close-minded, everyone has their "types" but can you actually tell if this is your "soul mate" from a few messages and a couple brief phone conversations? Doubtful.... but we sure do get our hopes up.
The Man

Sunday, March 6, 2011

One Way Ticket

After the dust settles everything will be different. You will try and negotiate with yourself the many ways the new situation can work in a happy and healthy manner, but it's impossible. Conversations become fewer as the days go by and the love once so openly felt seems to have never existed at all. The more you contemplate the discussions and the people you surround yourself with you suddenly get the sinking feeling it was all a lie.
Erased from the reality and mocked at for having an opinion not in line with the majority. At the end of this closed gravel road there is a cliff with a drop into what appears to be the Grand Canyon. For a moment or two you seriously consider jumping over to quickly end the pain. There is also a slightly less permanent and painful option. A one way ticket out of the madness. There maybe happiness in the future and there may never be moments of joy again, but if you don't go now you will always be left wondering.
So you start to plot an exit plan. You auction off your once priced possessions. You box up the rest of your life and realize it fits quite comfortably into a storage unit. You walk away crossing your fingers and praying to a God you never believed in before that there will be a reward for all you have sacrificed.
Paradise is an illusion. True paradise can not be found with a plane ticket or a great love. The idea of paradise will keep you alive until the day it no longer exists.

Saturday, March 5, 2011


Few things can make us feel crazier than expecting something from someone who has nothing to give. Few things can frustrate us more than trying to make a person someone he or she isn't. We spend months, or even years negotiating with reality concerning particular people from our past or present. We may have spent time trying to get someone to love us in a certain way, when that person cannot or will not.... So we let go.... that doesn't mean we can't love that person anymore. It means we feel the immense relief that comes when we stop denying reality and begin accepting. We release that person to be who he or she actually is. We deal with our own feelings and need to walk away. We learn to love and care differently in a way that takes reality into account.... We enter into a new relationship on new terms...taking our needs into account.... We stop letting what we are not getting from the other person control us. We then take responsibility for our life. Sometimes we get angry and feel hurt but we land in a place of forgiveness. We set him or her free, and we become set free of bondage...This is the heart of detaching in love....
After our first love, or deep caring relationship, we are transformed into the people we are now. We remember the pain, and at times hold our hearts in guarded boxes. Is this fair? Are they doing the same? One never knows. We again let those walls down and let someone enter ourselves only to be let down again. Why this circle of madness? We all want that feeling of security, the pleasures of someone to love and whom loves us, but why all the games? I wish I could go back to the innocence of "you like me, I like you", lets have fun and if something comes out of it, GREAT! Instead I find myself looking for a future with someone. This has brought me to a place where I feel as if I'm running out of time. Has my hourglass overturned already and my hopes of finding my mate diminished? It seems I go though the qualifications more and more and not willing to just settle with what works. I deserve better, I tell myself, but at times I feel I may just continue this path alone.
The Man

Friday, March 4, 2011

Friends with Bennies

Are relationships worth it? You open up your heart, your feelings, and hopes and dreams for a happily ever after. The truth of the matter is that we have all been hurt before and swore to never feel like that again. What's the harm in going into a non-committed relationship? The most apparent positive point about being "friend with benefits" is the availability of easy sex, without all the pressures and limitations of a relationship. The beauty of this situation is its clarity -- if both sides are honest going into this, then both will know that it's solely about sex. She can never accuse you of using her, or vice-versa, because you've both acknowledged from the start that you're, in fact, using each other. Using each other in a good way, however, because removing all the emotional baggage from sex makes it much simpler and potentially more enjoyable. There are some rules and it's definitely not for everyone, but given the right person, it can be just what you need.
Be clear about what you want. To make your friends with benefits experience a good one, know what you expect from the relationship. Take the time to really think about it. There is no one-size-fits-all formula. Having a basic understanding of your needs and being able to articulate those needs could help you save lot of drama in the end.
Choose your partner wisely. This is by far the trickiest and most important step. Being friends with benefits requires a delicate balance. Your partner should be someone who you enjoy spending time with and someone looking for the same things as you in a friend with benefits relationship. Set the rules. Every friend with benefits relationship needs a clear set of boundaries. Sit down with your partner and decide what those rules will be. And the most important aspect of this type of relationship is Get out before it gets too heavy. Friends with benefits relationships have a short shelf life. They tend to morph into something deeper for one or both partners. If your casual relationship starts to change, end it unless you are happy with the changes, Many women/men think they are strong enough to handle this type of relationship, but the truth of the matter is, not to many can do it without some sort of feelings. Nonetheless, if you want to give this a shot, remember the importance of honesty from the get-go. If one of you is going into this secretly hoping for more, then the problem of dishonesty arises, and that person is probably in for a nasty disappointment when it doesn't play out that way. And trust me, nine times out of 10, it never develops into anything more. It's much more likely that just the opposite will happen. You tend to slowly drift out of each other's lives over time, or if they start seeing someone else seriously.
I can't begin to tell you haw many of these have held me over until I found someone I really wanted to date. All of them knew what they were getting into from the start, but feelings eventually developed and their time was no longer necessary. Some may say I'm a dick, but hey, she knew what it was, and more than willing to do it. It wasn't my fault 90% wanted a form a relationship through it! There is a huge difference between men and women. I’ve said it a million times, but women are more mental thinkers when it comes to sex, men can do the act, and not look back. Look at it this way: 50% will have a one-night stand and never call again. What if that one night stand was so good that you wanted another, and another, without the emotional bullshit that comes with it? In any situation the one who cares less, wins!
The Man

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Finder's Keepers

So is the rule of thumb when talking to men basically that if they don't respond to your emails for at least a week and you know they aren't died or on a remote island and that funny enough they were just online that it's their way of saying "I'm just not that into you anymore"?
Don't you guys realize that silence only makes things worse and that it makes us keep bothering you for an answer? Have the balls to say something, anything.
For the last few nights I have been asking The Man for his words of wisdom on this subject. As I fear I am walking a thin line between being calm and composed and coming off as a raging, desperate nut. Words of wisdom from The Man:
"Some women push and push when all they really need to do is take a step back. I dated many who I told "Give me a few to calm down, I don't want to say something while upset" and what happens??? Push, push and BYE BYE BITCH!! All it would have taken for me was five minutes to calm down, but their personality was the type to never back down. They needed answers and they needed them now. That type of person will go nowhere with me. I am the type to even smile when they yell and that pisses them off even more. I do the silent treatment really well too. Many of us guys know what bothers you the most and when angry will do that. I don't like to be pushed into a corner for any reason, and perhaps that's what he felt. He may have known that you wouldn't have understood and in time it would have been different..IDK? everyone has their own ways of dealing with conflict."

Maybe The Man is right, but I refuse to sit around, eating bonbons waiting for the phone to ring. Having a friendship is fine, but it's not on the top of my priority list. Having a relationship seems more like a joke and urban myth at this point regardless of where in the world people are.