Sunday, May 29, 2011

The Edge of Reason

Learning how to overcome a breakup will help you be happy again and heal from heartache. To move on after breaking up, you need to focus on healing and recovering – not ruminating or obsessing! These ways to heal heartache and move on after a relationship breakup are based on many questions from readers, who often ask about losing someone they love. (This may not work, but what would it hurt to give it a try?)

“Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.” ~ Anonymous

Ending a relationship hurts, even when you know you’re no good together. And just because it hurts to break up, doesn’t mean you’re supposed to stay together! A broken relationship may leave shards of glass behind…and you may need to walk away. Below are a few ways I read online, and make a lot of sense. We have all been here, and getting back on our feet is necessary to have another relationship.
1. Own your actions – you can take control. I know how hard it is, but taking control, finding your inner strength, and not responding when he contacts you or you want to contact him is one of the best ways to overcome a breakup. You need to take ownership over your life.
2. Listen to what he says, but believe what he does..” If your ex-boyfriend says he can’t get back together with you, believe him. He may say he loves you — and he may truly love you — but if he really wanted to be with you, he would be with you. If he says he isn’t in love with you anymore, you need to focus on other – better – parts of your life. You must accept what he says and move on. Yes, I know it’s difficult….but the sooner you can pull yourself together and overcome the breakup, the happier you’ll be.
3. Stop focusing on your problems, and what you can’t do. Maybe you can’t talk to your friends about the breakup, can’t contact a counselor for professional help, and can’t understand why you can’t heal your heartache and move on. Well, what CAN you do? What steps can you take towards your goals in life? Your first step is to figure out what your short and long-term goals are. Where do you want to be in one month, three months, six months, and a year? Write those down. Then, underneath each goal (for instance, “feel happier and more confident about my future”), write three ways to accomplish that goal (eg, “spend time with people who are positive and optimistic”, or “start a volunteer job that makes me feel good about who and where I am”). Stop focusing on the “I can’t” and “I wish” parts of life. Instead, move forward towards the goals you can achieve!
4. Stay connected to who you are – your authentic self. Many people are confused and uncertain about how they should act with their ex – especially if the breakup isn’t final, or the relationship is going through a rocky time. The best way to sidestep this type of anxiety is to stay in touch with your healthiest, happiest, most fulfilled self. To be happy again, you must do what you love to do, connect with friends and family who know you best, and express yourself in writing or other ways.
5. Keep your long-term life goals in mind. Step back from your emotions and feelings and yearnings for a moment. Answer these questions logically and rationally – write your answers in a journal or diary: Is your boyfriend the healthiest choice for you? Are his life goals in line with your long-term life goals? Is he emotionally, physically, and spiritually available to you? Does he want to work on your relationship? Does he bring out the best in you, and make you feel secure, loved, smart, and independent? Think about your relationship with a cool head and calm mind…let yourself feel all those uncontrollable emotions and yearnings, but don’t get swept away in a tidal wave of hopeless love and devotion!
The Man

"Woke up late today and I still feel the sting of the pain
But I brushed my teeth anyway
I got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face
I got a little bit stronger

Riding in the car to work and I'm trying to ignore the hurt
So I turned on the radio, stupid song made me think of you
I listened to it for minute but I changed it
I'm getting a little bit stronger, just a little bit stronger

And I'm done hoping that we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger

Doesn't happen overnight but you turn around
And a month's gone by and you realize you haven't cried
I'm not giving you a hour or a second or another minute longer
I'm busy getting stronger"
-Sara Evans-

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days

When we open ourselves up to the idea of love, the idea of monogamy, the idea that social tells us is the only way to be it's next to impossible to live up to the expectations without giving away a portion of our soul and independence along the way.
We rush into new friendships and relationships with blinders on. We set ourselves up for a painful fall from grace that in some cases causes us to act out of character and lose sight of what is real and what was made up in a children's book or a romantic comedy. The only different is that in the movies we think the woman trying her best not to lose a guy is funny and cute instead of mentally unstable and of course at the end of the night time story they all live happily ever after.
In just a matter of hours or days we think we have found that special someone that completes us. We think the feeling is mutual and we allow our emotions to get the best of us. We become paranoid and jealous when there is nothing to worry about. We start to act more like a stalker than a lover. We pick fights to get attention. Once the calls stop we panic even more. We realize we fucked up big time. Sure it could have been great, it would have been a blast, but in the end our own insecurities and trust issues got the best of us.
Either we can start a war of words much to do about nothing or we can move on to greener pastures. Make peace with the past, especially one we don't believe was ever properly put to bed. Apologize for your errors in judgement, make amends, but also realize that it is very possible the receiver of your words may no longer care to hear anything. You may never understand why things ended as they did, but does it really matter as long as you are happy within.
In time you never know, maybe love will find it's way back into an opened heart.

Tough Love Lessons From The Man

You'll notice that some men and women state "I'm dating a few right now, and they're all wonderful, but there's this ONE that I just can't get... how do I make the one that isn't interested LIKE me?"
This is a curious thing.
We humans always want the approval of the person who doesn't want to give it to us.
Instead of just walking away and saying "your loss", we often chase after them, begging and pleading for their approval... and thinking that we must have done something wrong.
Remember, some people actually ENJOY making other people feel bad. Some men & women actually ENJOY rejecting people. It gives them a feeling of power.
There are some women who will spend all week shopping, two hours putting on their clothing and makeup (and doing their hair), just to go out and get attention from the other sex... so they can reject them, and complain to their friends about what "losers" or "pigs" men are, and how they hate it when men look at them like a "piece of meat". Or on the other hand I've been out with men who think they are "god's gift to women" and do the same.
Let me give you a little "tough love".
Part of growing up, becoming a real man or woman, and getting this area of your life handled is realizing that not everyone is a nice person, and not letting those that aren't nice affect you.
You can reach a point in your life where your attitude become "I do not give anyone permission to take my joy, happiness, and good mood from me".
When you get to this point, then IT DOESN'T MATTER if they don't respond positively to your approach. It doesn't matter if he or she rejects you. It doesn't matter if they don't have a sense of humor. None of this matters when you don't give anyone permission to TAKE YOUR JOY FROM YOU.

My advice: Learn to walk away. Learn to blow it off. Learn how to IMMEDIATELY disconnect and detach from these types of situations, and NOT let them affect you.
The "numbers game" goes both ways. If you start meeting a lot of different people, you will meet quite a few that don't have a sense of humor, aren't friendly, aren't available, etc. You need to learn the skill of keeping your power and joy for yourself, and NEVER giving it to someone you don't even know.
The Man (aka Golden Boy of the moment)

Monday, May 23, 2011

Love Hate Relationship

I sometimes wondered why some relationships and people can go to extremes, but after seeing it firsthand a few times I wanted to do a little research. Love/Hate relationships puzzle most people due to the dynamics that come into play. It is confusing how two strong emotions such as love & hate are involved. How does this happen? And how can such changes take place in less than 24 hours at times? There are so many factors that contribute to these harsh feelings, and below are a few I found online.

To deal with a love hate relationship you first need to realize that there is a problem. Many people involved in a hate love relationship are clueless as to what real love is. This is due, more times than not, to the environment they were raised, which was dysfunctional.

Dysfunctional families lack understanding of right and wrong when it comes to relationships. There is too much drama, chaos and confusion on a daily basis to experience anything that resembles stability. It is learned at an early age to manipulate with emotions such as crying and anger.

Understand that the hate you feel is not hate for the person, but hate at what they do or did. This is how a man ends up killing his wife of 20 years; he loves her, but is angry at something she did such as cheating or divorce. An example of the love hate relationship in the extreme.

The issue is what to do when a love hate relationship is extreme and almost out of control. To fix this both parties must be willing to get help. One person seeking help won't get it. Counseling is a must, whether it's a pastor or psychologist. Baggage from the past must be dealt with and resolved for a healthy relationship to be possible.

I have noticed a distinct difference in guys and girls. Most guys generally don't have particularly strong feelings of love or hatred towards other people. They generally get along with other people fairly easily, as long as no one is about to 'strangle them'. It is just that I notice some people go to the extremes rather than brushing it off. Is it how we are hardwired as men in comparison to women? Who knows! don't get me wrong, we do feel these emotions, but generally don't share them with the world. I think the most important factor is that we are not mad at that person, we are mad at what they did, which arises these inner feelings of hatred.

Some people have either very strong feelings of love-affection for someone, or extreme hatred. Is my analysis right? Why do some people have extremes in their personalities (extreme love or hatred)? Why do they feel they have to ruin someone's life if they dislike them/hate them? I asked a woman to help me out with this:

As for women that do this, I try to achieve harmony in my life so I don't have a love-hate relationship with anyone or anything, including myself. I have a love-love relationship with these things. I can't like it all the time, but that doesn't mean I should hold a grudge. However, I think that women are more prone to this for two reasons:

1. They are free to show their emotions. If men were free to show their emotions, you'd notice more emotional men.

2. It's socially acceptable and found in various media. Movies like Mean Girls and accompanying books influence young girls by making them think that's acceptable behavior, the same way movies that show boys acting tough influences them to think that they're supposed to be hardasses.

I agree with you, some people seem to take everything personally, so they're easily offended. Men tend to just let things roll off their backs. That's why I have exactly 2 female friends.

So with that said, burning bridges and saying hurtful things is not going to make things "better", but it may somehow fill the void of missing that someone you once cared for. I personally have been hurt in the past too, but some things are better left alone.
The Man

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Sexy Time

For a long time now women have wondered why some guys have sex with them and not talk to them again..While others have one night stands all the time and see nothing wrong with it. Some women want to "wait" for the right time but let me say this...Guys will say/do just about anything to get laid. We all want a committed long-term relationship and have tried all different methods to achieve it. We have tried new and even old techniques and for some of us, nothing has worked. I,myself have even said "if I really like them, I will wait for sex", but here lies a problem. We both wait for whenever we feel the time is right for us, but what if after we wait, it's not what we like? or what if they don't enjoy the same as us?, or if it just dosn't feel right? or if they are not willing to do the things we like and do? We are taught that it's not proper to talk about such issues, but honestly....If we knew this, it may not just be a one time thing.
Women always say guys are just looking to get laid, but what if we want a relationship, but you don't enjoy sex? How about this...We like you, spend whatever time it takes before making a move on you, you/we begin to develop deep feelings for eachother and after we finally have sexual relations it's not what you/I expected? Sure some can learn, but what if it's something that just can't be taught? What if it's a physical thing? Let's say like the guy, you wait and wait til it's "special" and once you finally do it, he has the smallest pecker you've ever seen and it's impossible to achieve satisfaction? Do you continue the relationship? hmmm...doubt it! but some might. (hope you have plenty of toys and that he fills those other voids for you). Have you ever been mad that you gave it up, and he never called you again? Well, sure some guys just want to get laid, but yet others have likes/dislikes they choose not to settle without. Turn the tables, guys need/ want to find the same things you do (for the most part) but the physical level is very important to us. Most women connect on an emotional level before physically. Where as men tend to do the opposite. We know this and do what it takes to build this connection with you.
So where do we go from here? Should we ask a little about the sexuality of someone before the act? I honestly don't know, but sometimes it would clear things up beforehand.I have dated numerous types of women and if you think all are the same, you're dead wrong! Here's a few examples (18 or younger skip this section): some women have a bush from the 70's and refuse to trim Ewww!!, some women have an odor that can't be removed in a pool of bleach or perfume, I'm not a huge guy, but some have a @#$%#$5 that seems to have had a grenade explode inside, while others can't produce lube. And yet others can't achieve an orgasm from sex.(sounds weird, but I've seen this a few times) and there are just some who don't enjoy the act itself. So you wonder why guys "change" sometimes? There are various reasons, but I figured I would try to touch on this today.
Where do we start? When is the right time for these types of questions? Is there ever a "right" time for sex? I think these are only questions we can answer ourselves. We are all different when it comes to this subject, and all have different beliefs, but hopefully we all find someone who fit's exactly what we desire. I know we all build expectations, hopes, and dreams, but what we should do is try to take things for what they are until the time is right.
The Man

Thursday, May 19, 2011


"I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken,and I'd rather remember it at it's best than mend it and see the broken pieces as long as I lived." - Margaret Mitchell

The surroundings have not changed. Who was I kidding thinking I could walk away and start over so easily? The walls are no longer protection from the elements. Instead we have been isolated from the real world. Ignorant and innocent to what is fantasy and what is reality. The dreams of what could have, should have and may one day be, quickly consume the waking hours. Well aware that the bubble world of the elite is a Cinderella hoax, yet carelessly disregarding the obvious.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Mad World

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
And their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
'Cos I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad World

Saturday, May 14, 2011


I laughed for a moment. Almost thankful that finally he got it. That this was not a healthy existence, but when I replayed his words he hadn't been listening to me at all. Instead we were right back in the verbally abusive circle. "I don't want to be apart of your miserable life. Keep your unhappiness to yourself. No one cares."
He continued to scream at me, but I no longer was listening. I was emotionless and dead inside. At that moment what little hope I had left to cling onto had disappeared. Who was playing who now?
Subconsciously I knew this was how it would end. But, even when it seemed like the writing was on the wall I still wanted to believe everything would turn out okay.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Lost Space

There are so many differences between the thoughts of a man and woman, but I still believe one thing that works for both of us.All relationships go through tests and only the strong survive when pushed to their limits. I usually talk about what dosn't work, but today I want to share something I have know is necessary.
It is worth spending quality time with your loved ones, but, compelling them to stick to you 24 hours is no way to stay in a relationship. Holding on to your relationship selfishly and not letting your spouse be independent could let your relationship turn sour. Many people fail to realize that individuals differ in their approach to life. We should learn to accept each other's differences and give our partners their desired space in the relationship. Giving space is important to maintain a healthy relationship.
Relationships can be compared to sand, since the moment you hold it tightly in your palm, it starts slipping off, and if you hold it loosely, it remains. In a relationship too, you need to learn to hold it loosely and not impose things on your better half. In fact, giving each other enough space is the key for a successful relationship. If you take a look at lasting and successful relationships, you would realize that these couple don't always spend time sticking to each other. They do spend quality time together, but at same time know how important it is to let each other do things the way they like.
Always sticking to each other can really make the relationship boring. Your spouse or partner should be able to miss you. Remember the old saying, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder". Missing each other makes you want each other more and love remains forever.
When you eat too much of sweet stuff, you tend to get sick of it at least for a while. However, if you keep a balance between spicy and sweet, you would enjoy it more. Too much of sweetness or togetherness can also be harmful in a relationship. Thus, it is best to give each other some space to adjust. When your husband is going out fishing with the boys, or having a few beers, you can go shopping or catch up with your friends too. Let this time work for the both of you.
To maintain a good relationship, you can divide your time doing things with your partner and things that you want to do alone or with your friends. You can always plan to spend one day of the week with your friends and the other with your spouse. This way you won't have too much or too less of each other. However, this is again not possible without trusting your partner. Trust forms the basis of every relationship and you need to learn to believe in your partner. Most couples do not give each other space because there is a lack of trust in their relationship. This can only give rise to unwanted quarrels, taking away the charm of your love life.
Space in a relationship is highly recommended to make it last forever. There has to be space for openness that can allow your partner to his or her own stuff without feeling any guilt. Other than loving your spouse, you also need to love yourself and thus you need to take off time to pamper yourself. It is good to maintain your identity and be the person you have always been. This way there is no frustration in the relationship and it works smoothly without hurting anyone's emotions, as the needs of both the partners are taken care of.
If you have experienced any trouble in your relationship, try giving each other some space. Give yourself a chance to miss your spouse. It is important for your better half to miss you and realize the depth of your love. No relationship can work better without giving it the required space. It is the biggest secret of every healthy relationship."no flower can grow in the shade" So try not to smother them, and all greatness will blossom.
The Man

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Love and Marriage

"A love you have to chase and chase isn't love. It is poison. Let it go and love yourself."

In my most recent hunt for the perfect mate I have expanded my focus and allowed once potential outcasts to be possible new crushes. I've got very little fate in a higher power matchmaker, but I've learned to go into all conversations with new people with an open mind. But, my pessimist outlook on life leaves the glass half empty.
Some of us are born with the idea that happiness can be found in the classifieds. That marriage is followed by children and a new house. While others believe that love and marriage are dead. Trust is for those who believe in ghost adventures. I do not.
I think we all wear our hearts and open ourselves up to environments and people we once said we would never like. No matter how many times we say we will never make the same mistakes again, at some time or another we always seem to go in a circle. Eventually we either fall off the hamster wheel and break our neck or we fly like a bird.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Gossip Girl

The Man's post yesterday got me thinking about impulsive and poor decisions made in the heat of the moment. In wasn't all to long ago that I set myself up for complete and utter failure on so many levels when I put myself and my thoughts about personal acquaintances on the world wide web for all to read and gossip about. Naively unaware that my words and actions would have a long lasting effect on my so called friends and strangers alike. I stepped very far out of my comfort zone last summer when I allowed myself to become emotional involved with someone I barely knew.
McDreamy and I lost touch some time ago. I do not regret allowing him to write on this blog in what would appear to be very intimate details at times. It is all part of the permanent reminder of a life once lived and I feel fortunate enough to have walked away a stronger and wiser person.
We all make choices at times that are outside of our comfort zone, not always thinking about the future and possible consequences of those seemingly innocent decisions. Since the breakup with McDreamy I have kept a low profile offline as well as online. But, the main reason my entries on here have basically stopped all together is because I don't want to be the star of gossip girl anymore. I will never allow myself to be so vulnerable ever again and I will never trust anyone but my very inner circle with my most intimate thoughts of the day. This I have learned the hard way never ends well. What you say or do in the heat of the moment can never be erased from memory and to move forward in some cases means walking away from someone who once was the essence of your world.
I must admit I was a bit surprised to hear through the grapevine about the recent love connection via our blog fan page. I was delighted and at times amused by the online public displays of affection and I wish you both the best. Good luck in your long distance love affair.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Breaking Bad

I knew once this happened for me so much would change...At the beginning I wrote whatever was on my mind without a care in the world. There were things I said that may have hurt some, made others evaluate themselves, and made others mad, but I spoke my mind freely. I once picked on "McDreamy" for opening up on here about his new found relationship. I told him now that he's in a relationship, he would hold back from his feelings and be more sensitive about what he writes. I knew this were all so true and he entered a whole new thing when he pronounced his feelings to thousands on this blog. Relationships are hard enough between two people, but yet now my thoughts/writings need to be sensitive to not hurt her as well. It was tough enough that she was able to read my past, now she can see into my present thoughts as well. As many of you read I recently met someone special. I am usually a very private person (off the blog) but I stepped out of my comfort level. I did things that broke my "rules" (friends on Facebook, relationship changes, posted songs,and pronounced my feelings to hundreds) and although I knew it was wrong, I did all of this without thinking twice. Many of my friends were shocked, to say the least!, but I did it and was happy about it. I now feel the distance between us has her a bit worried.
"Distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough"
I once wrote about long-distance relationships, and what I thought would make them work. They are tough! and require much more work than the ones close, but given the right circumstances, they can become reality. Nothing is easy... I will not be writing about "us", but now I think that some of what I write may be taken out of context. All I will say is I always thought that there was this one perfect person for everybody in the world, you know, and when you found that person the rest of the world kind of magically faded away, and, you know, the two of you would just be inside this kind of protective bubble, but there is no bubble, I mean if there is you have to make it, I just think life is more than a series of moments, you know, we can make choices, and we can choose to protect the people we love, and that's what makes us who we are and those are the real memories. The fact of the matter is that I write on a blog with close to 50,000 can read about my past relationships, the women I thought were "the one," my screwed up thoughts about relationships, and the words/feeling I used to describe how I felt in the past. A very select number of readers know exactly who I am, and even those very few don't know everything. I refuse to write about my thoughts/feelings about my current relationship. I am already judged upon my past and that hasn't worked in my favor. Like I said, I broke many rules, and not that I have "changed" for someone, but I don't want my writings taken out of context. I will forever have words on a blog that can never be erased. In all honesty, a woman loves to see a man profess his love to thousands, but I only need to make you happy, not all the readers, and Facebookers. When a couple, whether it's a dating relationship or marriage, decides to go through a long distance relationship, things can get a bit tough. Constant worries and frustrations about being apart from your loved one can change relationships. But for real couples in committed long distance relationships,circumstances can be changed by trust, honesty, and sacrifice.
I have so much to write about, and I will continue to try my best to give my point of view. I am glad so many are happy to see there is hope out there for us. We both know so little about the thoughts of a man or woman, but with time, will slowly begin to understand and eventually love the differences.
The Man