Saturday, July 31, 2010

Love Actually

So we aren't suppose to repeat even though most days are a repetition of the last. We've been told that we must expose more; tell the dirty little secrets of our past. Speak freely, tell the back-story, and reveal more juicy details about the sewer rats, about our personal lives because maybe then our stories will be more compelling and brutally honest.
Scandals and sex sell, drama is always more interesting than the norm. Just look at the magazine covers in the supermarket. Affairs, murder, overweight celebrity, sudden death, plastic surgery nightmares. You never see a headline like, "Bob went to the store and picked a gallon of milk." (Maybe on Bob's status update, but even then it's pulling at nothing for something). If Bob wants to create a story he should do a Hugh Grant and go down to pro row, pick him up a drag queen and get arrested. Now that would be a noteworthy comment, but Bob is a average Joe working for the man, driving his mini van around town, going to Target and Applebee's on the weekend. He is reliable and an important member of the community well so was Scott Peterson. (Not related by the way)
So here it goes, the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Up until now I've sugar coated parts of my past and hidden others because even though the reality is a page turner in the end the truth hurts and in some cases is to painful to believe or relive.
I took the last few days off from writing not only because I was at a loss of words, but also because I knew that in order to move forward I would have to go back and finally make peace with my past.
McDreamy has shown me that it is possible to love again. At the same time, I am more reserved with my feelings and probably will forever guard my heart after the pain Andy caused me. But, I have begun to finally realize that Andy and I never were right for one another. I know this now, because what I feel when I am with McDreamy is far more real than I ever felt in all the years I was with Andy.

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