Thursday, September 30, 2010

Hope You're Well Six Feet Under

Death washes the slate clean and those left behind flourish in the wake of pain. Words have the power to make us happy and painfully sad. Words can cause the best of friends to become the worst of enemies. There are people we can't live without, but have to let go. Actions without thought can be equally damaging. Strangers judging who you are just from the words you write or your race and sexual preference.
Hiding behind their anonymous screen name or in the comfort of their home thousands of miles away. If only these cowardly lions had the guts to face their fears and accept fault in the aftermath of their words.
Instead they cross their fingers and hope that the rant and public bashing will inflict pain. The truth is it just throws more fuel into the fire. Maybe they have forgotten my name and lost interest in this blog. Looking back now I'm just as confused as I was one year ago. More so now given the bizarre backlash and unproductive shit storm of words thrown my way back in June. If it was so innocent a mistake why be so defensive? Why not simply answer the one and only question on day one? Why let a friendship so down in flames without even knowing why it was lit on fire to begin with? These are basic questions. I could go on all day about the mystery that continues to surround the death of M.
Turns out men are no different than women. They just have a better poker face and a bigger ego. Most men however are emotionless and insecure. The heart of a man can be felt with the click of a button. Whether it be kind words or the most cowardly and cold douche bag ones. I've learned a lot about myself this past year and how I'm a lot stronger then I ever thought. M and company might be playing house, never thinking they ever did anything wrong. That they are the innocent party in my public bashing. Just as my feelings were never considered when I was deleted without a thought or care or answer, M and company's feelings will ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY never be in my thoughts. Karma is a bitch. Now remember kids do onto others as you would like to treated. If you leave a question unanswered it doesn't always disappear. Sometimes the ultimate techno party lives on in an international viral world and what was once a private conversation between a trio will forever be available for the world to read and discuss.
Hope you're well M. Hangman game #2 (Let's spell M's name. I've taken the liberty of filling in the first letter.) M ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___.
14,000 Love Bites groupies and counting. Hells yea!! Have a fabulous day y'all and remember don't talk to strangers.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010


"Absence diminishes little passions and increases great ones, as wind extinguishes candles and fans a fire."- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

It's been awhile seen we last met, but we have found a way to make our attractive and interest in one another grow. Thou short at times our conversations are constantly on going. Emotions are heighten with each key stroke and subject matter that in a typical relationship most likely wouldn't be discussed until further down the line has been both casually and at times seriously spoken about.
Our goals in life and beliefs are equal and in a short period I have come to rely on him for support and comfort. He accepts me for whom I am and doesn't pass judgment on me for past mistakes or carelessly dismiss my alternative view on love and marriage.
At first glance he is a soft spoken, highly motivated and intelligent man, but once he lets his guard down he is the sweetest, most affectionate, romantic, which most women only dream about finding. Is this my reward for years of dealing with bullshit from a man who turned out to be a JSR? Whom I was lucky enough to get a birthday card from and that even took a reminder.
Since having my heart not only stomped on but also shattered into a million little pieces I will never and can never again completely expose my feelings. I will never be a happy go lucky romantic. Romance is dead. In the end everyone will get their heart broken, some more than once. The dark knight won't gallop in on a horse or rescue you from an unhappy life. But, if you find yourself one of a few good men it's hard not to crack the nut.
I feel fortunate these days to be the current desire of McDreamy's affection. I can only hope that time makes the heart grow fonder. It's going to a long winter with no palm trees in sight.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Musical Chairs

I fell out of love quickly and I questioned if I ever really had been and if I would stumble upon it again. Was it to late? Had my heart been stolen by another and lost forever? I had been the one begging him to stay, but he left anyways and told me to move on, to find someone new and so I did, but what he never told me was one day he would be back begging me for another chance.
I feared I wouldn't be able to move on without him but just a few weeks later I couldn't remember what life had been like before. I was happy again and relaxed. I had taken my pain and transformed everything within the four walls into a new beginning filled with endless possibilities. When he returned I saw the fear in his eyes. He didn't think I had it in me to take a leap without him and embrace change. Maybe he too knew then that we didn't have a fighting chance for a rematch.
It took me eight months to let go of someone who betrayed my trust and threw me out with the trash and only two days to let go of someone who had been by my side for the better part of a decade and was the sweetest and most humble man. He said it would change; that he would try harder, that he accepted blame for the fallout and would be a better man and lover, but within hours I realized it could never be as great as it once had been.
There is always a winner and a loser. In the fight for the exclusive rights of my undivided attention the new crush was winning. There will always be a place in my heart for John, but now I know without a doubt that what I want isn't possible tied down to a losing gamble.
I may have moved on from the pain his words caused and apologized for my errors in judgement, but I can never forget how angry and frustrated I was then and still am defending what I believe in and what I love. At the core of love there must be respect and understanding. When the music stops who will be left standing?

JSR Chapter 3 - The Bashing Party Continues

This one is just fueled by the fact that the nice guy hasn't called so I wanted to kinda bash someone.

OK. So I'm in a bit of a dirty head space at the moment. It's been a week and I have not had a phone call or text or anything. So lets do some bashing…

He was a charmer. He was funny and easy to talk to. A drummer who took every opportunity to say something into the mic at every gig to make me blush. He treated me like a Queen. All of my friends and family loved him as soon as they met him. How could someone like that change so quickly? Or was it an act the whole time and he has shown his true colors? One day he sits down with me to tell me that it's over. That marriage just isn’t for him. And get this… I have a week to pack my bags before he changes the locks. I managed to stay for two horrible weeks while I was trying to decide what I was doing and where I would go. He refused any kind of counseling or effort to work things out. For the two weeks he ignored me. We did not talk. He would not even sit in the same room as me. Just before I left he brought home his little black book/list of females he has slept with. I believe I was about 180 on the list. He had previously told me the he had destroyed said list so that I couldn’t see who was on it. Then he started seeking these females out on facebook and adding them as friends. By this stage I was out of the house, staying at my parents. He was never concerned with where I was or whether I was OK. Nor did he care when I sent him a message to forward my mail to another state. He blocked me on facebook and detagged himself out of any pictures on there. Then there are the things the he “likes” on facebook. “Is that my ex. No it’s the biggest mistake of my life!”, “Do you ever look at your ex and think was I drunk our whole relationship” etc. Then I hear that he is planning a trip to Thailand. Now we all know why guys go there. As I have admitted, before I left I did go through his phone on a number of occasions and checked his emails. He was already talking about getting up to the 200 mark with his list. Even named someone. He emailed people calling me a boring killjoy of a wife. Now please. If there is fun and adrenalin involved I am willing to give it a go. How can someone who claimed that they loved you so much to marry you then treat you that way. Treat you like you never existed. Wipe you out of their life so quickly and easily. And bad mouth and disrespect you. He told my parents straight away before I could and yet hasn’t even told his parents three months on. What kind of person does that? A selfish, disrespectful, spineless asshole that’s who.
My little sister gave me a high five when I told her my parting line when I was leaving the house. “You will realize what a mistake you’ve made. Look at yourself. Your 42. Bald. Got some girth about you. You are never gonna get this again.” Ha.
Sorry I needed to vent. Why would a guy who you spent quite a few hours with, who seemed genuine and really really nice, ask for your number and then not use it????
Aussie Gal

Friday, September 24, 2010

I Think I'm In Love

Had a bit of a writer's block of late and was going to cheat and repost an entry from back in the heyday of the bashing of JSR (aka MF - the cowardly, douche bag lion) but after rereading the first couple blogs from the beginning of June I once again was pissed off.
For those of you who just stumbled upon our blog, welcome and for the loyal followers who have been with us from the start thanks again for the love. We hope we haven't confused you too much with the numerous name changes and at times cryptic language. I highly recommend reading thru the Love Bites archives in order to get our full back-story and understand where we were emotionally back in the spring and just how far we have come.
April and May were definitely the darkest months of writing; June and July were more lighthearted and sarcastic. Before we removed the comment feature we had a lovely conversation with JSR and Mrs. JSR, which is available to read in the June blogs. Some of my favorites from June are The Day After Tomorrow, Lion's Den, The Great Debate and Fun Girl Tell All. Of course all the entries are brilliant and thought provoking.
As a refresher course for our new groupies here's the deal. There are at time five people writing on Love Bites. Three fabulous ladies; Kate (formerly MV), Summer aka SP and the newest Aussie Gal. The men are McDreamy aka Mark and Devils Advocate, he is Summer's boyfriend and The Man, a thirty something bachelor with a brutally honest and wicked funny take on life and love. From time to time we reference the names JSR (Jackass Sewer Rat) and M or MF (the mascot for all JSRs and Kate's one time friend and fun guy). Andy is Summer's ex; John is Kate's ex.
We removed the comment feature awhile back but we would still love to hear from you. Please note thou that we reserve the right to publicly bash you if your words are out of line. We are still in disbelief over how many Love Bites fans we have now and how many more continue to find us.
Thanks again for the love and support.

Summer Is Forever

It was by chance that we met. Maybe we were two lonely hearts reaching out for some comfort. Whatever is was, it has grown. Summer is always on my mind. Though I admit that we don't get to speak enough, my memories of the times we shared, keeps her close to me. Summer is a talker, very opinionated and many times even dark. We laugh about it all the time, how sometimes dark her views are, where mine are the opposite. Have we then created a seemingly perfect equilibrium, maybe it's too early to tell? It feels like I just met her yesterday, the carts colliding, the numerous apologies, the exchanges of nervous smiles, and finally the number exchange. I can still remember staring into her gorgeous eyes mesmerized. The memories are fresh, her gentle touch, her reassuring smile, and her intoxicating laugh. Were the odds stacked against us from the start? Maybe, but we've done well so far.
Summer is the perfect catch. Successful, focused, intellectual, articulate and mesmerizingly gorgeous. Discussions with her are always intriguing, she will never let you win an argument, but she will give that sinister smile to let you know that she will agree to disagree. But it was her stark beauty that first caught my attention. Flawless skin, striking facial bone structure, tender pink lips and those inviting eyes.
But nothing can discount how much we have shared in such a short time. Traveling back and forth just to spend a few precious moments with each other was time well spent. It seemed like we never slept when we were together, time was precious. We still have a fighting chance, distance has grown less significant. We communicate more daily that most married couples. Both our days are filled with good and bad, but we share them all. My affection for Summer grows exponentially with each word shared, we have reached the cross roads and our journey continues. Autumn is upon us, but for me Summer is where I will forever be.
Devils Advocate (aka McDreamy)

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Sweet Lullaby

"He that is jealous is not in love.” - St. Augustine

Romance isn't died it's just been overlooked. Without it relationships fall apart and new sparks burn bright. The art of seduction, of smooth and flattering remarks makes its nearly impossible not to want to fall in love again. To gush about the great catch and beyond sweet words he speaks to me. At times I don't know what to say, I'm taken aback by his declaration of affection and the affects of his presence and words. Even still I must pinch myself and find a flaw in him, in us because it is seemingly too perfect. Well there is the matter of distance and time, yet I don't worry so much about these minor obstacles for it just feels right.
My heart is conflicted and unsure of the next move. Friends tell me to follow my heart, but look how well that worked out in the past. It's because of this fear that as soon as I let down my guard and believe I have found happiness again that I withdraw and make myself think that McDreamy and I don't have a chance. But, it's not true I want to believe we could last, but I also don't want to look like a pathetic fool gushing about someone who broke my heart.
Isn't that how this blog originally start. Gushing/bashing same thing right? And with that a trip down memory lane and into the Love Bites archives. Think we could all use a good laugh and it's been far too long since we dedicated a blog to the bashing of M, the mascot of all Jackass Sewer Rats.
Night all and welcome to the official start of fall.

Rulebook for Love

I know there is no rulebook for love gone wrong, but I could really use one right now. Talking with my flat mate last night I mentioned that I kinda don’t feel like I was ever married. It just seems like it was a distant dream. But I feel like that is wrong of me. That it should all still be fresh in my mind. That I should still be upset that it is over. It was only three months ago that he pulled the rug out from under me. Shouldn’t the wounds still be open and painful?
On most days I feel awesome. I am happy. I have a new life to create. Is that why I don’t feel the way I think I should? And to confuse me more I met a guy on Saturday night. We had a great time together until he dropped me home Sunday lunchtime (and no I was not the fun girl…). I have not heard from him but that is beside the point. He has got me gushing just at the way he treated me. Complimenting, affectionate etc. It’s been quite some time since I have been treated that way. Even while I was married. It made me feel really good about myself. Like I could be wanted again. That I might have been thrown away by one man but another could treasure me. OK. Going a bit overboard. But am I ready to get back out there again? Surely it’s too soon? Should I just stop questioning it and see what comes naturally? But what seems to be coming naturally is what I’m questioning.
Damn I need a rulebook…

Aussie Gal

Monday, September 20, 2010


"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident." -St. Augustine

The passing of time doesn't change what was said or done, but the eternity of open roads makes moving on without seem both probable and impossible. The lines have blurred and the images fade, but the last words spoken in a fit of angry stay with me and act as an invisible fence around my heart. I sense this is a major moment in my life, one that I will not only remember forever but also look back on many years from now with either regret or sublime happiness.
I find myself questioning everything I think I know. Redesigning what is within reach and procrastinating answering the tough questions. Visions and rules alter as the discussion continues. Parting ways was painful but necessary, my heart no longer can be broken and I fear that I can no longer love again.
It is far easier to return to what you know than gamble on a long shot. It is inevitable that during the course of one's life temptation and fantasy will seduce the daydreamer. What once was nothing more than a wild imagination is conceivable. Work may never end the curse, but fear of what could be or should be will put more doubt than hope in the success.
I suppose I should take his words at face value, but given the past I can't forget the broken record of promises never fulfilled. It would be easier if I knew the ending. Instead I follow my heart, which currently is torn. The hourglass is running out and I have been presented with two different opportunities each with its pros and cons. A life of exotic trips, cheesy romance, passion, lust and endless adventures or a simpler quiet existence with home cooked dinners, spooning, old fashioned loving and an eternity of sweet and humbling grand gestures. I ponder what the future might look like in both and also knowing that it's very possible neither will last forever.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Controlled Chaos

"In life we all have an unspeakable secret,an irreversible regret, an unreachable dream and an unforgettable love." - Diego March

Some find peace in the silence while others lose control without the chaos. Decisions made in impaired moments very well maybe what ends the dream. One day soon I will call and no one will answer. My surroundings have matured and with each passing day I feel myself losing control of a life I never could master. Yes the chase is fun, but the escape isn't permanent or maybe it can be. Nothing is guaranteed in life; in order for a relationship to work there must be compromise from both parties.
I worry that I've made the wrong decision, that I'm holding onto someone who doesn't deserve me or appreciate what I'm doing. But, maybe I would be able to overlook his mistakes if I knew this time was the real thing that we would be in it forever. But, I can't predict the future and I won't know until I gamble it all.
It didn't have to get to this point, but I am far from innocent in the fallout. Life goes on, but does it really get easier with time? The superficial wounds may heal, but the scars will be a constant reminder of a life once lived.
Most people in my position would have walked out the door and never looked back, but I won't give up yet. It maybe to late to fix the damage from years of neglect, but I'm willing to give it one more try.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Guts & Glory

"When it comes down to it, I let them think what they want. If they care enough to bother with what I do, then I'm already better than them." — Marilyn Monroe

It would be easier to walk away and not confront the problems, but I've never been one to throw in the towel without a fight. Depending on whom you speak to the story will be worlds apart. One of a free spirited happy soul and the other of the wicked witch.
Last year on October 3 life as I knew it came to an end. It wasn't the cowardly email from M (aka JSR) that caused the depression, but his note and more importantly his silence and the fact that he never had the guts to attempt to explain his words or actions that caused me to rethink everything I thought I knew about everyone around me.
If someone I had considered a good friend for nearly a decade could effortlessly remove me from their life in such a brutally cold manner than I never was a friend to them in their eyes. Which means that all those years I stayed up talking into the early morning hours and all the kind words he spoke to me about the success of my business were lies. M is a heartless bastard with no guts or balls. A big fucking pussy with no game, talking shit to boost his ego. When the truth is he isn't noteworthy or Executive material. He is a permanent Executive in training (six years and no promotion. I know the business, I married into it and the behind the scenes unspoken truth is YOU SUCK and your father turns out he was fired from the fs.)
If it weren't for the Internet we never would have met. Maybe one day you would have done the tasting for my wedding or our children will attend the same private school, but the truth is we aren't alike at all. You talk the dream and I live the dream. I have guts, I have balls, I don't run away from the tough questions. One year later I have accomplished so much more and you and your by the books wife and kids are still going thru the motions doing the same thing you were one year ago today, working the same job.
I faded out and lost interest in life after the email from M last fall and didn't wake up again until the spring. I can't get back the months I lost or repair the damage that was done, but I've learned from my mistakes and forgiven those that burned me. Karma will come back around one day and I hope to have a front row seat for the show.
LOL now MF and CF. Doubt your washed up, pencil pushing friends will dare touch me now or ever again. 12,310 Love Bites groupies and counting. Thanks again for the hatred it's the greatest form of love.

Where Do We Go From Here?

Yes the fun is in the chase, it is a bit of a game. Like the game of hide-and-seek you played as a kid, you find your playmate, you guys giggle and laugh, and then its her turn to seek you. As we transition into Autumn and gather our nuts for Winter, I truly wonder if this game of hide-and-seek will soon get old? What will be the next game, will there even be another game? Will we frolic in the foliage of Fall, hibernate for the Winter and be revitalized in the Spring in anticipation of Summer? Or should we retire to somewhere, maybe in paradise where there is always Summer. That junction in the road is fast approaching, I can see the stop sign in the distance. Soon it will be time to make that decision, we've come this far, where will we go from here?

Devils Advocate (Sorry ladies I just can't do the McDreamy name)

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Missing Person

‎"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." — Marilyn Monroe

Thanks you so much for putting my story out there and giving an opinion. It was quite liberating. My sister saw it and contacted me this morning to tell me how proud she is of the way I have dealt with the last few months.
Yesterday after I read The Man’s response my mood completely changed. I was meant to be going shopping with the girls but all of a sudden I felt a bit like a Pandora’s Box had been opened. I then started to analyse my marriage. What was it that was missing?
I have found The Man's way of looking at things interesting and on a number of occasions quite humorous (you have no idea how much we laughed to read his suggestion about my ghost being secretly gay… )
There is that saying - People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Over the last few months I seem to have found those that are in it for the long haul with me. I have said goodbye to those who were with me last season and am looking forward to what next season has to offer. I’m leaving some doors open just to see what happens.
Aussie Gal

Monday, September 13, 2010


It seems in life we can never get away from tests. We are tested to see if we are fit to be in the "cool" group, for some of us our faith is tested when love ones get sick, and of course we are tested to see if we are worthy to be date the opposite sex. Do these tests in love really work? What are we testing for? Is it to see if the other person has the balls to put up with our madness? Are we really testing to see if that person is the perfect companion? And what is the perfect person? Do we really want the perfect companion, and what really is the perfect person for us? These tests are really to prove that person is perfect for us. But do I really want the perfect person.
The perfect girl: You meet her in a bar, she's cute (especially after a few pints). At the bar you have the most engaging conversation, you have nothing to lose, maybe you will get lucky maybe you won't. You have a few more drinks, you go to her room, bang the crap out of each other, you leave, and both of you can barely remember the night before. Perfect! Neither of you have seen each other's vulnerabilities, imperfections, nothing. There is no "you keep leaving the toilet seat up" or, "it's your turn to take the dog for a walk", nothing!
Why do we insist on going through these battery of tests. Why do we find it necessary to write a handbook of "Hoops you must jump through before I will consider you"? Before committing to dating someone, they must obviously meet our requirements, but they should not have to get their PhD in perfection, because it just doesn't exist. The greatest thing in love is the person's imperfections, these are the things that create the memories and the good times. These are the things that make you smile for no reason, these are the things that make you miss her on a business trip. Love really is about compromise and tolerance, we can't always have things our way, we have to give a little.

“We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly”
- Sam Keen


Sunday, September 12, 2010

Cheesy Romance & Grand Gestures

"We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person." - W. Somerset Maugham

I push away anyone who expresses interest in me for fear that they will break my heart or I will let them down. I put every man thru a relationship boot camp pre exclusively dating label. Figuring if they are still standing at the finish line then they must be a winner. But even after all the obstacles and moments of laughter I still can't understand why they want me so badly. The things I think are imperfections in myself apparently are the cherry on top of a vanilla sundae.
Some women have a checklist of characteristics that their picture perfect Ken doll must have in order to make it to the next round in pursuing their undivided attention and love. In my quest to find "the one" I had the fortune of bumping into a man who at face value was the polar opposite of my typical type, but after further research I happily discovered that he turned out to have all the characteristics I have been looking for. Which I never ever thought was possible and because he seems too perfect to be true I interrogate him even more.
Yet day after day he continues to call me and reaffirm his desire for me. If I believed in "the one" and opened myself up again to the idea of love and all its cheesy romantic gestures I believe I might be happily surprised.The hiatus is over folks slowly but surely the Love Bites gang is coming back. It's a bit embarrassing to admit that I am still at times a basket case. After Andy showed up at my doorstep unexpectedly back in July the barely healed wounds started bleeding again. I hate that I still love him even after everything he did to me. As predicted, less than a year after the divorce he came back to me begging and pleading that I forgive him for his mistakes and that I was the one and only love of his life. Or rather his new wife (the secretary he was cheating on me with) got bored of good old Andy and found herself a new sugar daddy. I briefly entertained the idea of getting back together with Andy and excepting the duty of stepmother to his new child, but then I smacked myself with the frying pan and realized just how insane that thought was. (Thanks to Aussie gal for being brave enough to share her personal story of heartbreak and life after betrayal and for reminding me why I had started writing in the first place) I was so happy with McDreamy up until that day and with Andy I was so miserable. Why would I even stop and consider the idea of getting back with Andy? Had I not learned a thing during the past year? I suppose I found comfort in Andy and the memories we shared and just like going to a chain restaurant I know what to expect. It might now always be spontaneous but the routine we once had was enjoyable at times. With McDreamy I don't know what to expect. I don't know his quirks or what makes him tick and most importantly I don't know if we have the potential for a serious future together. It is to soon to tell and in a way that is why I haven't completely ruled out the offer Andy put on the table because I don't know.

You Are Not The Boss Of Me!!!

I've chosen not to write for the last few weeks not because I don't have stories to tell, but rather because I have witnessed first hand the domino effect that words taken out of context can cause. I do not fear the haters, but I am more mindful of what I disclose about my feelings. I do not want to get involved in a soap opera, but I also will not allow the ghosts of relationships past to control how I live my life today.
What are the guarantees in life?....I'll give you a minute...There is only one, you will die!... Whatever you do in between is up to you. I do sincerely believe that our happiness is for the most part under our control, we cannot rely on others for that. Interdependence is necessary for our survival, but we cannot walk blindly. In relationships, there are bonds formed from trust and interdependence, when those bonds weaken so does our relationships. It is always hard and sometimes it seems impossible to pick yourself up after a relationship ends, doesn't matter who's to blame.
As I read the contributions of the other writers on this blog, I admit that it is hard for me to completely relate to the pain they have experienced. And please don't take that in the wrong context. My most traumatic life event was watching my mother die. After that, I wouldn't say I became cold, but rather it gave me a new lease on life. The way she lived her life, the manner in which she treated others, her strong belief in karma.
The JSRs will get their turn to experience the heartaches, we need to be mindful of how we treat others. When we are innocent bystanders, we have no choice but to pick up the pieces and rebuild our lives. But as innocent bystanders we need to be very careful that we do not become like those that have wronged us. The biggest "fuck you" to the JSRs of the world, is to rebuild our lives and show them how insignificant they have become. Remember hate begets hates.

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."
Martin Luther King, Jr.

"I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear."
Martin Luther King, Jr.

"Have we not come to such an impasse in the modern world that we must love our enemies - or else? The chain reaction of evil - hate begetting hate, wars producing more wars - must be broken, or else we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation."
Martin Luther King, Jr.

"Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence but also internal violence of spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a man, but you refuse to hate him."
Martin Luther King, Jr.

"We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies."
Martin Luther King, Jr.

"Life is one big road with lots of signs. So when you riding through the ruts, don't complicate your mind. Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy. Don't bury your thoughts, put your vision to reality. Wake Up and Live!"
Bob Marley

Devils Advocate (aka McDreamy and Mark)

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Dr. Phil

Continuing with last nights story from one of our readers aka Aussie gal who had asked The Man for his opinion on her short-lived marriage and cowardly jackass soon to be ex-husband. Here is an excerpt from their conversation.

The Man:
I have a crazy theory. To end things so rapidly with that type of anger shows pain on his side. Example: Ever heard of a murder being shot once or twice? That's to get the job done but little contact and not so personal. How about stabbing someone twenty five times? Or smashing with a hammer, that’s personal. To be that spiteful to want to change locks and kick someone out is nuts. But I need to know if he wanted more kids? And if so did you too?

Aussie Gal:
To give The Man a bit more info. I am thirty-two he is forty-two. He actually has two daughters to different mothers. One lives out West and I have a pretty good relationship with her, although it is via text, email or facebook. She is about to turn eighteen and has asked me to come out for her graduation and 18th birthday at the end of the year. The other daughter lived in the same town and is fourteen. She would stay with us at least one night a week and we would take her and a friend for weekends away. Unfortunately she receives no discipline from either parent and has a nasty reputation in the area. I have found this out since I left. I don't have any children of my own. He has had the snip and didn't want any more children. I made the sacrifice to never have children to be with him. I accepted pretty much everything about him and his life. Might I also add that he is self employed (never worked for someone else) and has been drumming in bands for about the last twenty-five years.

The Man:
That is weird, after the other information, it seems he had what most men want at that age. (Younger woman, playing in a band, and a new start on life). But somehow something is missing. Somewhere along the lines he wasn't happy, but the sudden change is weird. There had to be something that just turned him off. Example: when you are young you get into relationships not caring what jobs, finances, or lifestyles someone has. But as we age we take all that into perspective. We know if they haven't bettered themselves by now, they probably won't. It may have been the lust factor of the younger woman at first, but realized not too much in common after that wears off. But somehow I think he was jealous/hurt about something to be that spiteful. It just seems to me that something had to happen to trigger this reaction... or better yet not happen. Could there be someone else? Maybe but ending a relationship so shortly tells me differently. I think it would not have gotten to the point of acting so angry wanting to change the locks and so on. I think if he were cheating with such a short marriage time, he would just cheat and hope to not get caught not end something so quickly like he did.
Men want the best of both worlds.... why not have two until you get caught? Hell, if he wanted to end it with you anyways.... so I don’t think he was cheating. Unless (now this is my twisted head) he was secretly gay and has been hiding it forever. It just seems there was something that triggered his crazy, angry reaction. I understand if he wanted to end things...but why do it the way he did? Anger, hurt and resentment are those reasons. And maybe something he was hiding forever. I wish I could be of more help but it seems something is missing.

Have a story of heartbreak, life after betrayal or blossoming love that you want to share with us or get our opinion on? Email and you too might have your story published on the Love Bites blog.

With Love,
The Love Bites gang

Friday, September 10, 2010

I Know Everyone Has A Story...Here Is Mine

One of our super fabulous Love Bites groupies sent us an email this morning with her personal story of love gone badly and the serendipitous new life path that occurred as a result. Just when you thought you had heard all the stories about the JSRs (Jackass Sewer Rat) of the world another winner gets added to the Love Bites wall of shame. Hopefully this will inspire The Man and McDreamy to start writing again. Since we are once again bashing their sex.

So here goes…

I have no doubt you have received a million emails similar to this but I just felt I had to write this.I accidently stumbled across your blog about a week ago and when I read the first entry I had to continue. Yes like so many others out there I identified with your stories.
On June 20th my “ghost” turned to me and told me our marriage was over. That marriage is just not for him and that I had a week to move out before he changed the locks. We had only been married for eight months. He had cried saying the wedding vows. Every guest said it was the best wedding they will ever attend and have been absolutely floored to here we are separated.
Like you I was blindsided. He refused counseling. Refused to sit down, go through the issues and come up with solutions. The thing is that he didn’t even tell me what the issues were. I got half assed comments like the time I woke up grumpy three years ago or used his daughter as an excuse. Yes we did have a blow up regarding her but nothing to end a marriage over. Nothing that he threw at me made sense. He ignored me from that moment on. Began burning photos and disrespecting me via text, email and facebook (yes I did look at his emails and texts. I was looking for an explanation, but didn’t find it) He didn’t tell his brother (I had to do that when I received a phone call from him) and I believe his parents still do not know.
So I left my job of nine and a half years. Packed what little I could from the house and moved to the Gold Coast (Oh. I'm in Australia by the way).I moved in with one of my best friends and her brother, which was probably the best place I could have gone. The laughter is non stop in their house. It stopped me from curling up in a ball in the corner.
The initial period I was miserable. The brother made the comment last week that he was glad when I stopped crying every other night. It wasn’t all too long ago but I feel happy these days. The man that I married doesn’t exist anymore. In his place is a childish, vindictive, disrespectful bitch. He is ten years older than me so a number of people have concluded that he is having a mid life crisis. So I’m sure there will be a time in the future when he looks back and regrets what he has done.
But for me, I have left the country towns behind and moved to the city. I have stepped up into the type of job I always wanted. Supervising Accountant with ocean views from my desk. :) Even though I found happiness again before I started reading your blog I feel reading it is an affirmation that I am doing great and with my positive attitude it will only get better.
Last weekend my Dad asked me about how I was. My answer was that I was great. I am over him. I am over it. I have a new life now. The only shitty thing is that I don’t have an explanation and probably never will get one. So in a way that is his game. To never give me closer. But that won’t stop me from living my life. Oh no… Try and stop me… ha ha
Now let me focus on you guys. I think it is brave what you have created here. You got burned and have found a way to deal with it and it seems to work for you. You are putting your thoughts, feelings, well yourselves out there in the public arena. And yes, you are being judged for it. See even me. I have judged you as being brave. But as you have stated before. It is your blog. If people don’t like what you are writing don’t read it. Simple.
Now that I have read through the backlog of posts I look forward to seeing the new updates. Sometimes dark. Sometimes amusing. And I definitely like the views and contributions from The Man and McDreamy (sorry I’m with the girls. McDreamy stays)

Pens down.
Cheers & Beers,
Aussie Gal

Every Rose Has It's Thorn

I continue to keep myself preoccupied fearing if I stop to think the thorns will prick me. I worry I am being to liberal and dependent on people who will leave me high and dry if the mood suits. I'll be the first to admit that I don't know what I'm doing and I'm sure those around me can see thru the stone exterior.
It's not the same anymore and I certainly don't want to return to a life of tension and questions. I use to think I was confined to these four walls, which at times is still true, but now it is also a happy retreat from the real world. There are times after everyone has gone home that my mind drifts off and daydreams about the blissful years. A part of me wants to mend the crazy heart and give it one more try, but I realize by doing this I will forever be letting go of the person I am and the person I want to be. I will forever love him and perhaps that is why I continue to keep the porch light on. Artifacts of his existence stay untouched while large pieces of history are broken down and recycled.
I hate myself for causing him pain, for breaking his heart, but there were actions of his part that also weren't right. I continue to listen to the broken record and the negative remarks, which do not attract me, back. If only he took ownership for his mistakes in the relationship and character faults then maybe I could seriously consider the offer.
If I had the answers to all the puzzling questions I probably wouldn't be writing. It's unfortunate that the blog has become too personal for some and as a result has caused the rest of the crew to self-edit their words until there was nothing left.
As I've discovered since starting Love Bites the people who don't understand you and choose not to change with you are the ones who carelessly throw their three cents into a storyline that no one knows the ending to.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Sweet Bitter Love

Love is the sweetest and bitterest lie invented. For the majority of my adult years I have always had someone by my side. At one point I was lucky enough to have a bounty of suitors on speed dial. Knowing I was loved was all the warm fuzzes I needed and even if I went to bed alone I didn't feel alone in the world. The days of multiples are over, the options are slimmer and the solitary alternative while deafening at times seems more appealing as the days go by.
Adjusting to the new norm was terrifying at first and at times still is. The pressure is heightening, as the decision is a life changing one. I worry that I will make the wrong choice and forever wonder what if?
I still expect him to walk thru the door, to be upstairs making dinner or blasting heavy metal as he lifts weights. Time passes slower now, the writing has subsided and the reality is creeping in. There are pros to being on your own again and I relish in the personal time, quiet nights and freedom to come and go as I please without the riot act. I bounced back quicker than I expected, but I'm not fully recovered and may never be. He wants to get back together now, but I worry that the past mistakes and communication problems will return and I can't bare to watch him leave again, but by not even trying I worry that I am giving up on us without a fight. On the other hand it's not fair to either party to hold out false hope. Time and space maybe the wisest decision for now.
There are quirks about each that I admire and love. The thing is while I have always wanted a sensible, responsible and well-rounded partner I have found that months later what I initially thought was an ideal catch would later bother and bore me. On the other hand the daredevil men who constantly entertain me with their jokes and off the wall perspective on life will never be suitable to raise a family with.
Even in the midst of the shit storm he comforted and left me with lasting words of wisdom, "I would get up tomorrow morning and hit the ground running. Put your head down and bust your ass. Use what you already have to keep growing. If you withdraw everything we have been working for all these years will vanish." I had needed the motivation to get out of my funk and once he was physically gone I threw myself back into the business. The calls are fewer as the days pass and I know that it is only a matter of time before he is gone forever. Life will go on and even if we never meet again I will forever love him.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

The Perfect Storm

From coast to coast my name is being spoken. For some this blog is the only connection to my life and for those who personally know me it has become a religious pilgrimage.
A few days later I gradually became accustomed to the new sounds and questions. I had seen the perfect storm brewing for months, but until the day it finally hit I wasn't completely aware of what would happen in the cleanup.
I stupidly figured everything would magically work out without tears or yelling. One door had closed and another was left wide open. Suddenly nothing had a simple answer and the person I had come to respect and admire wasn't nearly as strong as I once thought. A verbal boxing match had been started and I was the prize, but in the end neither party would walk away happy.
Drama follows me and for some the soap opera life is too much to handle. Sensitive subjects and unprovoked words created a new vehicle for change. Feelings long forgotten where at the front line and as the referee I was defending both parties in some fashion. Time may heal a broken heart, but words spit across the Atlantic will never change life. It is what it is after all. Live and learn.
As the days went by I gradually let go. It wasn't fair to either of us to continue an affair that never had a future off line. Even now I'm not sure what will happen. There is a large part of me that still cares very deeply and always will. I may never get over him and I'm not sure I ever want to. It's always easier to talk about the dream fantasy until the bittersweet reality hits you. In the interim we continue to talk and he continues to be my cheerleader.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Rock Bottom

"The way to realize how much that you love anything is to realize that it might be lost."
Gilbert Keith Chesterton

I cried uncontrollably for two days, didn't eat or drink for three, slept for eighteen hours straight and when I finally woke nothing had changed and yet everything was out of place.
The chorus from the Beyonce song, Put a Ring On It played on repeat, "Like a ghost I'll be gone." Moving on means letting go of the past, but how could I when everywhere I looked was a permanent reminder of a love story? What if he hadn't walked would our relationship have started over again and eventually been repaired or would the ending have been the same? Was this a Notebook love to tell my future children about?
The routine that I once thought was boring and mundane when stripped away left me off balance. It was the little things that I took for granted that suddenly were prominently absent. What I thought I so desperately wanted wasn't nearly as rewarding after I made a deal with the devil. The daily grind slowly returned to normal, but in its wake life will never be the same. Freedom in the end is meaningless when there is no one to share it with. Yet without it I felt I was chained in a prison cell, but the truth was I had always been free.
At the end of the day now I am alone in a big empty house. My cats keep me company but the silence is painful at times. Winter will be here before I know it and I must be strong there are others depending on me.

Friday, September 3, 2010

P.S. I Love You

Going to try something new this month as SP and McD are on the outs and The Man isn't dating. So until further notice I will be the primary writer. I'm sure from time to time the rest of the Love Bites crew will return, but for now it's a one woman show.
Looking back over the last couple months I can see how SP and myself have strikingly similar thoughts. Life these days is a parallel of one another in so many ways and yet completely different in others.
The truth doesn't always set you free. I should have known what was going to happen down the line, but instead I continued to verbally and emotionally punch the one person who unconditionally loved me because I thought there was a better opportunity within reach. I was a fool and now I'm alone. I got my cheap rush and in return lost everything we had built together. In less than forty-eight hours he was gone. But, the ghost and my actions would haunt me forever.
I might never see him again, but I still hold out hope that one day he will return. I know now that he will be coaching me on for as long as I need him to. But, I don't want to move on without him, I want it to be like the old days when I was happy to just be.
"You must be strong. You can do this. I will be here every step of the way. You are the love of my life. I will love you forever. Bye Beautiful." He was gone before I returned. I never appreciated what I had sitting right next to me until all that remained was a ring and a note.
It would take months to adjust to the new reality and familiar surroundings. What had I done? What if we never saw each other again? What if this was it?

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Black & White

Grand gestures either seal the deal or cover up the lies. Body language expresses more than words, avoiding contact and spending what precise time you do have together texting someone else speaks volumes. There is no excuse and if your feelings changed have the guts to say it. I would like to think I’m wrong, but I just don’t see how I can be.
I can’t hold out hope that it might work out. I must follow my heart and take care of myself; otherwise I will wake up one day and realize I made a huge mistake. Perhaps I shouldn’t be so forward, shouldn’t be jumping to matter of fact conclusions based completely on the past, but you can’t honestly tell me you didn’t notice a change.
Was it lust or passion? You tell me. There were moments when it was really great, but could it last? What’s the next move? Do we continue with the abnormal or except that maybe it was just worth a curiosity?
There are two sides to every story, my life is complicated, but you knew this from the start. You must be patient and you also must understand that I need a grander confirmation that we want the same thing and are heading in the right direction.

Like A Ghost I'll Be Gone

Security controls the future. Maybe it wasn’t smart, maybe I should have sat him down and been up front as soon as my thoughts and feelings changed. I was chicken shit, still am, I never wanted to hurt anyone, but that is exactly what I did.
It wasn’t right and even though I was fully aware of this I continued creating a larger divide between the parties. I thought I knew what I wanted and as the days went by my heart kept pulling in my one direction, yet I couldn’t let go of what I would ultimately have to.
Life isn’t a script or revealed with the shake of a magic eight ball. When you get to the fork in the road, which trail do you take? There are no guarantees, there will never be one particular moment that stands out and makes me believe. I could be peer pressured and regret my choice in the future or I could wake up in six months or ten years and be so happy that I took a chance.
It would be foolish for me to think all will be well, that there will never be problems but if the daily existence is enjoyable than I can handle a few bumps in the road. It doesn’t matter how much I want this or that, where my life goes now is no longer in my control. I continue to tip toe around the central question and laugh it off when I don’t get the answer I want to hear or any response.
It was not as spontaneous or playful as it had been. I hadn’t given up yet, but it certainly wasn’t the same. Had the candle melted already or were we exposing a deeper side?
I wished it would work out in the end, but was it possible? I desperately wanted to know how he felt, what he wanted, if we were on the same page still. Had he given up on me? Spun my words as others have into a tale that was far from kind. It didn’t matter what I said or did to show him my feelings hadn’t changed and if anything had grown stronger. Had I been fooling myself naively hoping that it could work?