Wednesday, June 29, 2011

I'm Far From Heartless, Just Using My Heart Less

‎"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."- Marilyn Monroe

There was a point where we could have turned back and our lives would have ended differently. But, what fun would that have been? When you chase a dream or in this case a fantasy failure is not an option that is until one day you wake up minus one. But, for a moment life was perfect and even though the little voice in you was trying to warn you that no one is perfect you brushed off the notion that all might end far from happily ever after.
Fast forward a few months and everything you once believed in and everyone you once trusted with your heart has either disappointed you or left you behind to pursue a happier life. A life that you were suppose to be leading, but instead you feel more like an abandoned child than Cinderella.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Outward Bound

This isn't about connection for you. This isn't even about sex for you. This is about finding an outward relief for the pain of being you....And that's fine with me, see, because all I want is the exact same thing..

It seems the days/weeks are passing faster and faster these days without relief in sight. After speaking with numerous friends, no one is at a point in their lives in which they were years past. Many are struggling with either money issues, or the loneliness in which they are not accustomed to. We often think we are alone, but as soon as we discuss where we are, you will realize you're not. Depression is on a rise, as well as the divorce rate and unhappy relationships. They say "money cant buy love or happiness" but it sure can help with the issues affecting most these days. Some of us turn to others in hopes of feeling better ourselves, but the reality is, we need to be happy before we can make others happy. The light of this tunnel is very dim these days, without a flashlight in hand.

I find myself dating people who have been struggling for some time, or often looking for an outlet or something totally different from their norm. I am not something to get over the pain of being yourself ! I too am at a point of new experiences, but it seems somewhat unfair to play with my emotions. Why lie about your happiness and use me for a temporary pawn for your happiness? You may wonder why I have dated so many and never found what I'm looking for, but through experience comes wisdom and knowledge. I will not just be with someone due to the fact I'm lonely! My recent months have been a struggle to find someone with true common interests and not just dating until something better comes along. I invest 100% when I'm truly attracted, and just looking for the same in return. Is this too much to ask?

I have taken a different approach to dating than most. I have been trying my luck online and it seems not to be working so far. Do I meet many people? I sure do..But 98% of the people I meet are just what I call "meet & greets". (in other words, we meet and the "connection" factor is not there on one side or another so we most likely never speak again). But every once and a while, I meet someone whom I am attracted to, and it seems they are as well. The "connection" seems to be there so I turn up my charm (but not to look desperate). It's a tough task at times!! You want to do and say so much, but you then think "whoa!! that might scare them away", so you hold off...This constant mind battle of "should I or shouldn't I" plays hell on the thought process. I always act myself, but may be a little more reserved until I know the feelings are mutual. The frustration factors are high at times...I just want to know "do you like me? Do you want more? " It seems to be a timed process in which is a give and take situation on both parties, but I often wonder why do people continue to talk, text, and want to go out if they only see you as a friend. Is it the free drinks, dinners, and the excitement I bring to the table? Or do they really like me? Well, I guess only time will tell, but the thoughts of alone forever fill my mind daily.
The Man

Monday, June 27, 2011

Single Ladies

If you're single I'm sure you've asked yourself "Where have all the good one's gone?" I know I sure have a million times. So what do we do? I really have no idea but it seems like if you're single these days, it's so difficult to find a quality match. We all need to figure out exactly what it is that means the most to us. We all have something that is required to want to start a relationship. What is it that you want? or need? "For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it." I do know a few things that are true, (but most women wont want to hear it) ,but here goes: Some women are interested solely on superficial things (money, status, job, securities, clothing, vehicles and so on) that they tend to overlook good guys. Most men who have these things, know this, and will use you until something better comes along..their message is....”If you want me on my terms...great. Then I do not have to feel guilty when I leave you later. If you wanted more, you should not have started with him and he knows this. If you cry foul later, there is no one to blame but yourself.
But yet there are others who truly don't care what you have, or willing to give them. It sucks, but most guys are more interested in looks than all the other qualities. Guys don't care what you drive, what job you have, and all the other superficial crap that (some) women are attracted to. I know I am guilty for starting relationships based upon looks, then seeing what's inside afterwards.
Then you find women/men who are smart, confident, and genuine, but outside they are not as appealing, and do not take care of their bodies. So they stay confused as to why men/women are not attracted to them. Deep down, most men want a sexually attractive woman and will overlook most other things to find this.
When it comes to choosing a mate (with the intention of entering into a successful relationship) you cannot base your criteria on looks alone. True, you may have gotten extremely lucky in the past and dated one of these super models, but the truth of the matter is that your chances of finding the perfect guy or girl are slim to none.

“The things that are important for making a long-term relationship successful are not the things that attract you to someone in the first place”

Think about it. After the initial excitement of a relationship dies down, what is left? Are your partners good looks (which initially attracted you to him or her in the first place) all that they have going for them? What exactly do you two have in common that would enable you to stay together as a couple for 20-40 years?

My advice to the self proclaimed “picky” men and women out there is as follows:

Lower your standards a bit if your intentions are to enter into a serious successful relationship. This doesn’t necessarily mean you have to date someone that is 100lbs overweight who sweats bacon grease. There are plenty of “normal” men and women out there who have minor imperfections when it comes to looks. By actively avoiding getting to know these people, you are effectively cutting your chances (by a very large margin) of meeting “the one”.

Make a list of “must haves” when it comes to looks for your next boyfriend or girlfriend. These are physical features that your partner has that you cannot live without. Then take each physical feature and rate it on a scale of 1-10. Let’s say for example you absolutely have to have a guy who has a completely flat stomach (but not necessarily a 6 pack). Rate that a “7″ on a scale of 1-10 (with “10″ being a 6 pack and “1″ being a beer keg for a belly). Then take that “7″ and lower it down 2 points to a “5″. This will include guys who might have a bit of a belly, but nothing obvious or protruding.
Besides, you must look pretty damn hot if you only date people based upon what they look like? So let's get started expanding our minds, and get closer to finding the "one" for us.
The Man

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Blue Crush

‎As difficult as it seems, you can be sure of this: At the core of the heart, you have the power to move beyond the old issues that are still hindering your freedom. The hardest things—the ones that push you up against your limits—are the very things you need to address to make a quantum leap into a fresh inner and outer life.
By the time he responded the storm had passed. I was no longer bitter or upset, but instead happy and thankful. I expect this is how one might feel after a loved one dies. I knew it was over, but the sliver of hope in the unknown kept me alive in the known. One more in a sea of millions had been crossed off the potential list of greatest loves so at least I was getting closer or so I hope.
People come and go from our lives, the ones that stick around are the real deal, the rest are ghosts. Some will leave a haunting and lasting impression on the footsteps of our future, others will be left to rest in peace. Question is who will you be?

Thursday, June 16, 2011


Where did time go? It seems like yesterday when I was in what I thought was a happy relationship. It's going on almost 3 years since my split from my fiancee. I was the happiest man alive the day she finally moved out. All the things I "thought" I could have, or was missing out on could now take place. We were together for about 5 yrs, but the last year was more on & off filled with many arguments. I didn't want to be alone, but I knew I didn't want to be with her. So much had changed in the dating world. I thought to myself "shit, I'm just gonna have fun, and play the field for a while"...I didn't want anything serious for a while after going though that. I figured when I wanted to, I could settle down like I've always done. I don't have a hard time meeting and starting relationships and I am super easy-going. What I didn't realize was how much things have changed!!
I dated here and there but never really committed to anyone. I knew what I wasn't going to put up with anymore, and for some reason, it seem to be all I attracted. I didn't mind at first, but just having "fun" got old quickly. I went on hundreds of dates, met a ton of new people, but it always seems something bothered me. Or was it that, it was just so damn easy for me to meet the next one? Either way, I went on living a dream that one day (when I wasn't looking, she would come along) That's the biggest line of bullshit ever!!! I work my ass off, going on dates, being myself, not being myself, agreeing to things I really could care less about, eating foods I'd rather not, and doing just about anything ive never tried before. I didn't want to limit myself to a "type" or someone I may have looked over in the past. I got to know everyone on different levels without making judgments. As I look back, I may have lost some really great women, who had everything I ever wanted (and more) but my past relationships always brought me to check for "red flags". Who had I become? I asked myself many times. I always told myself "everyone has their own flaws" and I have more than most, but for some reason I focused on these troublesome things, and eventually terminated the relationship. On the other hand, there were a few that I had minor issues (or sometimes major) but it didn't matter to me. I liked them enough to let it pass. I now realize that sometimes it's the flaws that I miss the most. Some of the silliest things would piss me off back then, but now I smile as I think that's who made them who they are.
Not too long ago I was dating someone and as I thought things were going fine. She was one who I overlooked these so called flaws without a problem. We clicked from the first date. We met at a unfamiliar area to me, and recommended I parked at a parking lot she knew. As I tried using the machine to pay, I felt like a fool because I had no idea what to do. There was an older gentleman behind me who claimed to know how to use it, so I let him at it. I called her and told her "I must be dumb or something, because I have no idea how to add more time".Just that very moment she comes walking up (we had never met in person) I started staring at this woman on the phone, as we both suddenly broke out laughing. We were about 20 feet from each other the whole time. She was waiting as well to pay for parking. She approached and we introduced each other. She then said "what's wrong with you??? the lady in front of us can do it fine" (well the "lady" was the older man I spoke about before) he turned around and we both started laughing!!! Things were off to a great start. We ended up staying out til about 5 am that night. She then asked (or stated) "you can't drive home now, stay with me"...."as long as you don't try any funny stuff".. I agreed and we went to her place. I was a total gentleman, and was rewarded with compliments the next morning. I ended up staying there the whole weekend. In the following weeks, my weekends were somewhat planned. We did everything together, and I met the family a few times. But here lies an issue we talked about a few times : We NEVER had sex. We slept together, kissed, and other things, but she always told me how glad she was that I never tried that..... So I never did. The weekend plans shortened, and it seemed she was often more busy than before. Had I done something wrong? (I could tell something was weird) It went from weekends, to one day, to maybe next weekend. Right there I knew it was time to move on. I recently asked "something changed, are you ok" she replied "I should have told you sooner, you're an amazing guy, but the connection just wasn't there" Whoa!! I somewhat knew it was coming, but guess I wasn't prepared to hear the cold, hard truth. It sucks to invest so much into things, but without doing so, I would have never gotten to that point perhaps. Were the other reasons? I will never know. Do I really want to know what I did to change her mind? Sure! but in all honesty, what would it matter??? She moved on, and so should I.
I say all this, to say this: Sometimes it's necessary to go a long distance out of the way in order to come back a short distance correctly. I have been through so much since the break up almost 3 yrs ago. It has all brought me to a point of wondering what's next in store. Will I remain single? Will I meet the future Mrs. "Man" (that sounds kinda F'd up) but it arose many questions recently that I don't have the answers to. For those who are in relationships, and think that you can easily replace what you have, or that having "fun" is what you need, rethink your choices. It's not always greener on the other side (and I know a ton about grass) LOL
The Man

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Same Mistake

Saw the world turning in my sheets and once again I cannot sleep.
Walk out the door and up the street; look at the stars beneath my feet.
Remember rights that I did wrong, so here I go.
Hello, hello. There is no place I cannot go.
My mind is muddy but my heart is heavy. Does it show?
I lose the track that loses me, so here I go.
And so I sent some men to fight, and one came back at dead of night.
Said he'd seen my enemy. Said he looked just like me,
So I set out to cut myself and here I go.
I'm not calling for a second chance,
I'm screaming at the top of my voice.
Give me reason but don't give me choice.
'Cause I'll just make the same mistake again.
And maybe someday we will meet, and maybe talk and not just speak.
Don't buy the promises 'cause, there are no promises I keep.
And my reflection troubles me, so here I go.
I'm not calling for a second chance,
I'm screaming at the top of my voice.
Give me reason but don't give me choice.
'Cause I'll just make the same mistake,
I'm not calling for a second chance,
I'm screaming at the top of my voice.
Give me reason but don't give me choice.
'Cause I'll just make the same mistake again.
Saw the world turning in my sheets and once again I cannot sleep.
Walk out the door and up the street; look at the stars.
Look at the stars fall down.
And wonder where did I go wrong.
- James Blunt

A Tale of Two Cities

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way - in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only." - Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities

No matter how hard you try, some relationships will just never work out. You may wonder what once attracted you and how it all went so wrong. Here's the thing when someone cries love, just like when the little boy cried wolf eventually you stop believing them.
Looking back now I was a fool to believe his words. If you walk away and never look back, there never was trust or love. Yes, there are times when it seems like everything is working against you, but if you give up were you ever really fighting for anything? If all the words of encouragement were simply errors in judgement later corrected with the bitter truth. If you cared about someone you would think before you spoke or wrote. You would remember the good times before creating really bad times. You would embrace the challenges and not walk away without a care in the world. You wouldn't damage someone who you knew from the start was already damaged goods.
Guess I wasn't prom queen material after all, but then again who said you were the king of anything?

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

These days I don't have too much to write about, so I figured why not touch upon a few things I'm sure we have all experienced a time or two (or perhaps even now). Ever met that guy or girl you just can't get enough of, but it seems you are the only one feeling this? But yet you still hang out, do things together and enjoy their company? What do they have that we want so badly to be accepted, or to have them for our mate? Is it the fact that they lead us on to a point of confusion? or the fact that we really don't want to know the answer to whether they "really" like us more than that. Or sometimes it is too soon to ask these types of questions without being called "crazy" or sounding kinda stalker-like.

Let's face it, we have all liked someone more than they liked us at one point or another. What we do about it is up to us. There becomes a point in which we need answers to these questions in our heads. First let's evaluate a little about ourselves...

If you have felt that any of these situations apply to your own relationship review this quick checklist to see some of the most typical points of view from those who observe this kind of behavior:

1.I always or often speak only about the things my partner is interested in.
2.I always or often only talk about my partner.
3.All or most of the things I do for fun I do with my partner.
4.All or most of things I do for fun are because of my partner.
5.If I look around my home I see little or no sign of my own taste.
6.When spending money on frivolous items they are usually for my partner.
7.My partner does most of the talking when we are together.
8.I do not often tell my partner how I feel.
9.My partner does not usually notice when something is bothering me.
10.My partner never or does not often compliment me.
11.I never feel happy/I only feel happy when my partner is giving me attention.
12.I have little or no interests outside of my relationship.
13.My partner does not often or never gives me gifts that are only for me.
14.My friends and/or family think that I have changed a lot since entering my relationship for the worse.
15.My other relationships have weakened since entering the one with my partner.
16.When asked what I want I usually look at my partner.
17.I no longer resemble who I was when I met my partner.
18.I tend to think of my partner before I ever think of myself.
19.I dress in the way my partner prefers even if I do not.
20.I no longer know what makes me, me.

If you find that any of these statements are true it might be a sign that either you need change your relationship, or you need to break it off. Enduring this kind of life is not healthy nor does it have much of a chance of making you happy. It is possible that your partner did not mean to become the dominant presence in your relationship and if brought to their attention they might be eager to help you become a stronger person. There are many different ways in which a person who finds themselves in this situation can change things, try to figure out what works best for you and take the necessary steps to make your life better.

Trust those who know you best: Outside of your relationship it is good to have at least one person with whom you can be honest and trust completely. Asking this person how they view your relationship and the changes that have occurred during the time you've been in it can be an excellent way to gain the insight required for change.Without taking steps to reconstruct yourself in happier, healthier way you may never be able to enjoy life in or out of your relationship. Though it can be difficult to muster the courage to change your life, the knowledge that a happier you could exist might give you the strength need to take action. Good luck and much strength to all of you who are brave enough to take on the challenge.

We as human beings are constantly searching for acceptance from others while neglecting to find it within ourselves. I happen to think that one is truly never happy, until he/she finds peace within themselves. Love life, shed light, & the rest will follow. Our minds are so incredibly powerful & we utilize so little of it. At the core, our hearts are pure yet many times we are afraid to feel it!
The Man

Pop Rocks

If you live through defeat, you are not defeated. If you are beaten but acquire wisdom, you have won. Lose yourself to improve yourself. Only when we shed all self-definition do we find who we really are.

There will come a time when life comes full circle. You start to see the world with a windex view. Priorities and obsessions change and the core is shredded down to an almost non existence. This is the moment you patiently slaved for and dreamed of, but what if you wake up one day and the bubble pops?
No matter how much you organize and prep, you will never be prepared for the obstacle course. Eventually you get the hang of the game and learn how to cheat the system, but the previous errors in judgements will never go away. Over time they will become your trademark. You get it now and although you tell yourself not to repeat the mistakes without thinking you are right back in the same situation a hop, skip and jump later.

"For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right

For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful"
- Celine Dion

Monday, June 6, 2011

We're Off To See The Wizard

Life is just one continuous moment; past & future are only concepts of our mind. The question then is, when it’s all said & done, was the majority of your life spent alive in the moment? OR where you already dead in the past and future?

A part of me feels like we've failed. Each month we write less and our focus has spiraled in many odd directions these days. Some might say this is a great thing, because it means we are enjoying our lives now and not obsessing over events that happened in the past. For the most part this observation is accurate. Life goes on and circumstances change. But, to paint this picture of bliss would be a lie. Life while different than last year is far from ideal.
Priorities have shifted and the hours of the day have been divided in new ways. We have come to realize that not all thoughts or emotions should be written down in this forum. Especially when the words are misunderstood and spun into tales that never existed.
Our true friends have stayed with us for better or worse and we are forever grateful. There are a lot of fakes in the world and when life gets complicated all of a sudden they can't be found. The competition of one upping is the only connection left and even after all the pillow fights and harsh words they haven't got a clue.
Perhaps it's the passive aggressive nature that bugs others. Maybe the truth hurts and certain nameless folk are super sensitive and afraid of pushing buttons. Maybe the truth we once naively believed was never real off screen.
The best motto for life is Nike's "Just Do It!" If you don't you might be kicking yourself years later. Follow the serendipitious yellow brick road...

Breaking Up Is Never Easy

There have been some recent comments on the FB page which have
prompted this blog. It all goes back to dealing with the end of a
relationship that was not expected. When you thought that everything
was going great and then it's over.
When my ghost ended our marriage and treated me like I didn’t exist in
person he still felt the need to be nasty towards me on FB. He had to
make the snide remarks. Had to “Like” things like “Is that my Ex. No
it’s the biggest mistake of my life”, “Do you ever look at your ex and
think that’s the biggest mistake of my life” etc. We had a lot of
mutual friends and they all saw these things. I think this was his
way of bad mouthing me to everyone who he couldn’t do it in person to.
The path that I took was different. I moved away and started a new
life. I looked at all the positives. Kept a positive view. Looked
at where this new change in life could take me. And take a guess at
who everyone saw as being the ass in the situation.
When a relationship goes bad there is nothing wrong with venting. It
is part of the healing process. But there are the correct venues.
The people who you trust, who are your best friends. They are the
people who will understand you and agree with everything you say.
They will be the people who will hurt with you. And they will be the
people who will help you heal. Hold your head up high. Be the bigger
person. Deal with your pain with those that will help you. Don’t be
the ass that bad mouths in public. Because you never know whats going
to be thrown back at you…..
Aussie Gal