Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Bite This

“Without trust, words become the hollow sound of a wooden gong. With trust, words become life itself.”

I had a feeling there was a perfect storm brewing. That my words once again would be spun into a he said, she said game of mouse. The old me would have walked away and pushed the anger aside in an attempt to forget the misfire of accusations.
I knew going into this blog that my words one day might bite me in the ass. The truth can hurt and unfortunately some people are so afraid of the harmless words on the screen that they jump to conclusions.
It might be rude and perhaps even careless, but I no longer care if I hurt people’s feelings. If I don't fit in your cookie cutter world, then move along. I won't be changing who I am or what I believe in for you. I write for myself.
I'm having a sliding doors moment. Wondering which door I should choose and what the aftermath of these actions will be. If I stay where I am now I can predict the end result, which has it's pros and cons. But, the allure of the unknown is what continues to fascinate and terrify me.
Writing has become my only voice of reason and freedom from a trapped lifestyle. It wasn't always this way. It once was so beautiful, but now I sit in an empty home questioning the past, present and possible future.
Writing is no longer a chore, rather a happy retreat from the stress of the daily mundane. I've been given a glimpse at a world of endless possibilities and I'd be a fool not to pick this door. If only it were that easy. That's the curse of creating your own personal hell. You can't simply walk away. The stubborn side of me wants to try and resolve the conflict, but it seems more like a continuous circle of broken trust and interrogation.
So, I continue to write hoping one day the answer will become clearer.

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