Sunday, June 6, 2010

Tightrope Walker

I feel like all I do is give and give and in return all I get is bitch slapped. I watch as my friends live their lives and I wonder when will I get to experience that. When will my life start to go right again? I previewed The Man's response to my Great Debate post and I now have a better understand for why certain circumstances and events happened.
In my own way I get it. Not much has changed in my opinion to why the friendship ended. I had come to my own conclusions before and I still believe in my answer after last week. I will acknowledge that I can see how my words and the repetition of my feelings to some seem like a bit much. I've questioned whether I had had a fallout with a different ex would I have been nearly as hurt and I'm not sure what the answer would be.
But, here is the thing, all I wanted was a simple explanation from the start. I realize that in many cases there is no such thing as a simple explanation. But, I would like to think that if I were the one in JSR shoes I would have had the courtesy and guts to attempt to explain my actions. Perhaps I expect too much from people. I don't necessarily agree or appreciate the tone or comments made by JSR and company, but I too wouldn't like to read what someone else said about me. Then again, it never had to come to this had people thought about the aftermath of their actions and words.
I no longer am reading the archives. The answer to why will never come and the new question of why I was so hurt and why I felt I needed to write out my thoughts and feelings on a blog probably won't ever be answered either. Each new day is one day further from a puzzling past. I am so thankful that I was able to find a place to voice my feelings at that time and so happy that I am no longer in that unpleasant place in my life.
Sublime Happiness of a Guarded Heart

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