Sunday, June 6, 2010

Scarlet Letter

"Life is a long lesson in humility." - James M. Barne
This I'm sure is a touchy subject, but then again so is everything I write about these days. I've had three abortions and one miscarriage in the span of eight years. I'm sure condoms would have prevented all of this, but I was carelessly living in the moment and yes I was on the pill. Geezs, am I being too personal here? Have I now crossed over the line of being only slightly brutally honest and now way to honest?
I bring this topic up because of the recent communications with JSR. Two of the abortions were a result of JSR. Should I really be going here? Probably not, but I've been thinking a lot recently about life choices and sliding door moments. So at twenty-eight I could now be the single mother to four children by two different men.
Now I'm sure I've put my vulnerable side out for the scarlet letter bashing. But, really if I cared so much about what people thought about me I wouldn't be writing on a blog to begin with.
The last time I was pregnant was nearly three years ago. Shortly after John and I got back together. (remember the honeymoon period) It wasn't an ideal period in our lives to have a child, but I had told myself after the last abortion that the next time I got pregnant I would have it. My parents were far from pleased to say the least. A new business, a new home, and now a baby and yet little income coming in. Perhaps it was for the best that shortly before the third month I had a miscarriage.
Why I even bring up these random moments from the past I'm not really sure. I think because after witnessing the tacky and childish behavior of JSR and then the end of what was to be a happily ever after fairytale I am relieved that I didn't get peer pressured into the protestors Pro Life rants.
Caution: What you are about to read may not be suitable for everyone. Just because you can get pregnant doesn't mean that you should have the child. I'm not saying that you must have money in the bank (although that helps) or a partner or a life plan even, but it's irresponsible to have a child just because. Adoption is not an option in my opinion. My mother was adopted and it has done a number on her mentally.
Another confession from a scarlet letter gal. Oh that rhymes. :)
Maybe that should be my nickname or should I go with my real name? Decisions, decisions. For tonight I'll sign out as Kate Harper.

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