Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Fun Parade

As much as I would like to say that the last decade was meaningless, that's just not possible. What I once believed to be the purpose and path of my life isn't true, but I now understand the meaning of all those years that I often wish I could permanently erase. Day by day, year by year the images fade, but honestly I am so thankful JSR is dead and also so thankful I met the illusive ass in the first place. So JSR thank you. I truly mean this, for if it weren't for your cowardly, childish actions I doubt I would have been quite as pissed off to the point I needed to write my hurt and anger out. The serendipitous path of what has become my life path continues. I'm a freaking writer! How surreal. I do have a minor advantage, coming from a family of writers and all, but still the pipe dream is now a reality.
Funny thing is my serendipitous path always seems to come back to JSR. Perhaps he is becoming the mascot for all the lying, cheating, cowardly, douche bag, jackass sewer scum, and idiot men. If you don't want the whole world to know what a stupid ass you are, you should invest in some public relations.
For instead, four years when JSR and I first had a fallout and I was sitting in the airport waiting to board my plane home, I found myself hysterically crying on the phone to my mother because after a three week vacation, a breakup, a cancelled wedding, a cancer scare and then a weekend with the jackass of all jackasses, I realized I needed a change quick. I absolutely didn't want to return to my groundhog job and a home that was cursed with memories. So, sitting there at the Miami airport I had an ephinany and the next day I went into my cushy job and gave notice. I didn't have another job lined up; I didn't have a clue what I wanted to do. I cashed out my 401K took a year off and played housewife to nobody. After a year and little money left I briefly attempted to get a job and quickly realized I would prefer a painful death then work for the man one more day. Which then lead me to seek out a substantial angel loan and open my own business. Which, as a result of my sudden success JSR decided to be my friend again. Which then lead to the Alanis Morissette, baby drive by and then the "breakup" email and then Love Bites and now a party in honor of Love Bites and the roasting of JSR.
I've had a few close friends offering their concerns for my emotional well being when I'm Miami. Perhaps, there is some truth to their worrying. It's always easier to say I'll be fine when I'm sitting here thousands of miles away, but physically walking in the aftermath is a potential emotional landmine. But, I know myself well enough to know that if I didn't feel 110% on I wouldn't be coming back. As of Friday, I will no longer be a resident of the sunshine state. But, that's not to say I won't be staking claim to a new piece of paradise once again.
I've come to a point where the childish and slandering remarks or what could have been an uncomfortable run in with JSR and company no longer bother or hurt me. JSR and company is a ghost to me now, strangers at best. I had feared for a long time what would happen if our paths ever did cross again. I feared the walk by more so then ideal chitchat. But, now they are merely figments of my imagination. There is no fear, no hatred (well okay I'm still very bitter and angry), but most importantly no emotional attachment. It's a pretty awesome feeling. When all of a sudden all the actions you once calculated as to avoid confrontation don't matter. Every movement is no longer calculated; you are free from the worrying and free to live your life as if there never was a past. And the game of life is now for shits and giggles. None of it matters anymore. It's a new city with fabulous new friends and old standbys. I'm beyond words excited to be coming home and to a celebration no less.
"Perhaps it's fate that today, July the Fourth, we will once again fight for our freedom. Not from tyranny, persecution or oppression. But from annihilation. We're fighting for our right to live, to exist. From this day on, the fourth day of July will no longer be remembered as an American holiday but as the day that all of mankind declared we will not go quietly into the night. We will not vanish without a fight. We will live on. We will survive." - Bill Pullman.
It's not July fourth yet, but it will be when I get there and ironically a movie about fighting aliens perfectly describes JSR and company. Go figure.

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