Thursday, June 17, 2010

JSR Chapter 2

So I wasn't completely truthful a few weeks ago when I said I would be putting JSR and company to rest in the Love Bites archives. There is no love for him anymore so I won't be going down the sweet, Hallmark memory lane. It was at best a dysfunctional train wreck. Two people from two very different backgrounds, randomly crossing paths. Sure there was moments of hot and steamy lust, but in the real world it never could have lasted. The fatal crash had been looming from the start. Like an elephant in the room, no one wanted to openly admit it never would last. Just when I thought we had a chance at a new label, everything shattered into a million little pieces. The mystery that once fascinated and intoxicated me, in death is just as bittersweet and alluring.
I'm going to take a cue from my new inspiration, the fabulously talented Ms. Emily Gould and her book "And The Heart Says, Whatever!" because well her life story is very déjà vu to mine at the moment. All because he couldn't say, "I'm sorry" and answer the simple question why? He will forever endure the embarrassment in hundreds of pages in millions of paperbacks. Of course we all know who "he" is. He even wrote an article attempting to explain his side of the story on Page Six a couple years back.
It's interesting how one minor action can forever change the lives of multiple peoples. In the three years that followed the first fallout with JSR, I wasn't nearly as upset or angry with him. It was what it was. People change and I knew even before that weekend that we were a pipe dream never to come true. It was the mystery that had fascinated me all those years, not the idea of folding his laundry and watching his balls wrinkle and his dick go permanently limp with age. So I moved on and life continued as usual. After about six months he no longer was a thought in my mind or maybe I never wanted to acknowledge to myself that he always would be. I left my past behind and started a new life. Not realizing that the new life I was creating would one day bring JSR back. I could have sent him an email after I saw he was married. But, I chose not to. I wasn't a part of that life and I didn't think it was necessary. There is no room for the "fun girl" in a married man's life. Or is there?
To say I was shocked and surprised to hear from him out of the blue one day is an understatement. I was floored and confused being he was married and all now and if I was merely the "fun girl" and you found your "soul mate" then again why? Because really if that's all I was to you it shouldn't matter how successful I am as I never meant anything to you.
At first I felt bad for the wife. She didn't know about his past and really she never should have. But, JSR brought the past into the present. If I were the wife I would have questioned the renewed old friendship immediately. I am fourteen years younger and all, so you can't really be that clueless as to what label I once had. I have from the beginning always stated that JSR's motives for becoming my friend again are questionable to say the least. I have documentation to back up my claims that perhaps he was looking for a "fun girl" at least online if not in person and to a certain point I was more than happy to amuse his quirky late night thoughts, but I never wanted anything more.
Here's the thing thou, if you sleep with the enemy and read the enemy's emails then you can't call yourself an innocent bystander to the mishandled situation. You were quite aware of my simple question from the start and you along with husband mutually decided to stay silent. In your world perhaps this is deemed appropriate, but in the big city it's far from appropriate and what you see here today is the result of your "mutual" poor decision to close a chapter without explaining why to the person the story was about. But, then the question is what email addresses do you know about?
Furthermore, if you really were so concerned about the privacy of your family and friends then you would have taken a minute and sat down at a computer or picked up the phone all those months ago and at least attempted to explain your actions. Unfortunately, you didn't consider the domino effect and aftermath of your behavior. Even still after discovering the blog and reading bits and pieces of it, you once again mishandled the situation. Instead of politely answering my one and only question you became offensive, throwing slandering and childish words around. Honestly, I would have stopped had you dealt with the situation properly to begin with and again given you a second chance to redeem yourselves after seeing the blog, but now I'm even more anger. You don't care about anyone else but yourselves. You don't think about the feelings of others. In the present I was just a friend, nothing more, nothing less would you end a friendship in an email? I wouldn't, but then again I'm not a coward with any soul.

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