Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Used and Abused

Who we love isn't logical and how we react after the initial shock of being blindsided is just as odd.
It quickly became apparent after I arrived in the sunshine state that life wouldn't simply start over just because I was thousands of miles away. There were many days when I wouldn't get out of bed until the late morning and even when I did finally wake up I wasn't really there. I was a walking zombie. I would forget to eat for days; Dr. Phil and Carrie Bradshaw had become my new best friends. My only pleasure at this point came from shopping. It had become my soft porn so to speak. For a brief moment I was able to forget about my problems and enjoy being pampered by the sales staff. Of course, my wallet can only handle so much retail therapy.
When I first told my friends and family my plan they all thought I was Looney. It didn't matter what they said I had made my decision. It was around this time that I heard about what happened to Michelle and everything she was dealing with in her personal life. All of a sudden the pieces to the puzzle started coming together. I would move into Michelle's condo in Miami, since it was sitting untouched anyways and she would move into my apartment in LA. Finding a job was easier than I thought. A friend of a friend knew somebody who knew someone who desperately needed help and just like that I was on my way to a new life in an old city with everything I loved stuffed into two suitcases.
It took some time and multiple trips to Target and antique shops, but I finally have made this place feel like a cozy home. But, it has never felt right and I've quickly outgrown the studio. So, once again I'm packing up, but this time I'm not moving cross-country.


  1. It is so hard to move on when you have been with someone for so long and everwhere you look his stuff is everywhere. I was in a long relationship and it recently ended, I have started to put stuff away, but no matter how much stuff I put away everything reminds me of him. I understand what you mean by you just want to stay in bed all day, you want to find meaning to what happened and you replay everything in your head to see if you made a mistake. I am still trying to make it through the day, I still feel like a zombie just walking through life doing what i have to do but with saddness in my heart. But what i do know is that only time will heal my broken heart, and one day Ill look back and realize that he was just one person, and the one I am supposed to be will never break my heart...I hope. I love your blog, i read it every day in the hopes that something will click in and Ill be able to let go and move on. ;) Thanks

  2. Guys get hurt too, been there a few times myself. Funny thing is I thought I loved the people that hurt me, but I didn't really know what love was until I met and fell in love with my be honest, I am actually grateful to the two women that pummeled my feelings and my ego (not a big one to begin with). They made me realize, albeit slowly that they were never right for me and it really wasnt going anywhere. Unfortunately sometimes, many times we let our physcial happiness take precedent over our emotional happiness. When the physical part wears off and it always does, we actually feel worse because the emotional side begins overcompensating.

    Regardless of what happens, hang in there and I guarantee you will find what you are looking for or as in my case, it will find you...

    Good Luck and keep up the great blog!

  3. Sometimes the more pointless the relationship is, the more you want to fight for it. It's not until months or years later that you are able to look at that relationship from a different perspective. With time we change, thru life experiences we grow and from love and heart break we learn more about who we really are and how much pain and happiness we are willing to take. Thanks so much for the comments guys. Words of wisdom and inspiration. SP


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