Sunday, May 30, 2010

Imitation of Life

Why did it just dawn on me? We were one man short of reenacting the classic and uncomfortable meeting of the exes and their new lovers. The only difference is that I unknowingly agreed to participate in the game. Of course his wife questioned who I was, why she was meeting me in person, why JSR had gone out of his way to find me again. I had been asking myself the same questions for the last six months and now I might never get the answers. Was he wondering what married life would have been like with me, making sure he made the right choice? Perhaps all these years, he hadn't been pushing me away because he was commitment phobic, but rather because I was. All the times he talked about moving somewhere exotic for work were bullshit, ego boosters. The life he aspired to have was not a realistic goal for him, it was a hopeful dream. He has settled down and given up the partying ways of a bachelor lifestyle in exchange for a lifetime of corporate brown nosing, family vacations to Disneyland and occasional sexual encounters.
Art imitates life and life imitates art. I look to sex and the city for relationship advice as the story of Carrie and Big seems all too familiar. I have experienced nearly every event they acted out. Carrie and Big aren't real and yet millions of women look up to them for words of wisdom and relationship advice, myself included. (I realize this must sound a bit nuts, but it often feels like I have a minor advantage of knowing what to expect for the future and what the actions of the past may have meant.)
So where does this story, my story, go? What does the future hold for me? I wish I knew.


  1. Let me ask you a question... You honestly seem like a great person to be a relationship with, but what happens to the next guy that comes your way. Let's say he is great and everything you really wanted. Does he really have a chance against JSR? Or will he be paying for that guy being a complete A-hole?

  2. In the back of my mind JSR will always be there. But, that's not to say that I won't open my heart up again and be vulnerable.


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