Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Hello Jackass

Words are more romantic than outward appearances. One of the pros of the Internet and meeting someone online is that you learn everything about them. All the intimate details, the things you probably wouldn't say if you were talking to them in person. I fell for JSR long before I ever saw a picture. Had he been 300lbs maybe it wouldn't have lasted as a romantic relationship but I think if he was at least halfway decent looking (which he definitely was). He had me at hello. (Cheesy I know).
You're right about him feeling the need to show he wasn't all talk. Thinking again about your comment that I blew it, I'm starting to think you might be onto something. While I don't completely think it was my fault, had he really wanted me he should have had the balls to say so. Over the years there has been a pattern on both sides that we would always meet again. Life would go on, but we were each other’s comfort zones.
There is a lot I still don't understand and the ending is even more puzzling. If you are going to remove someone from your life then put it all out there. (As I repeatedly did in the multiple emails I drunkenly wrote to him post "breakup".) I must have sounded like a Looney. I put it all out there, everything I wanted to say, everything I wished I had said over the years, but was to chicken shit at the time and finally Love, M. Click and send. So even if someday in the future he might have wanted to find me again, after all my slightly psycho emails I doubt he ever will. I also told him I had blocked his contact info and would be changing my email address, which I did.

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