Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Sublime Happiness of a Guarded Heart

The laid back, slower pace of living in a vacation destination is a big change from the hustle of a metropolitan city. Taxi horns and people talking to themselves in the street had become familiar noises to me over the years. The chaos and face pace world kept me coming back for more. Nearly anything was at my disposal all day, every day. I felt like I was on top of the world. Power breakfast at the Ritz, business lunch at the newest "it" restaurant and after work drinks and a light dinner with the girls. For a while I was untouchable. After all these years working my way up the corporate ladder I had finally made it, I thought. It was of course all to perfect, something had to give. Brick by brick the Cinderella dream began to crumble.
I put money aside for a rainy day, but it never dawned on me to have a safety net for my heart.
It's taken me a long time to get past the pain and betrayal. When I think about it now, it doesn't feel real. It feels more like a bad dream. As if all my memories of him, of us are just a mirage.
When I think back to that final day. It comes in broken pieces. How could I have been so naive? How did I missed the red flags? The lies? The other woman? I've blocked out the images and words that hurt me the most and after self-editing all I can remember now is "I'm sorry." Ironically those words hurt the most now. The rest of that day is mostly a blur. As is the majority of my life from that day until recently.
I think back to the person I was during those years of sublime happiness and I don't know her anymore. It's not necessarily a bad thing, I feel that I have evolved and grown over the last months. I don't need a man or a flashy car to prove my self worth.
There is peacefulness from watching the ocean waves and the palm trees dance with the wind. It's a different way of life and one that I am learning to appreciate.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Think before you post a comment. With that in mind, we love comments, even the rude ones and remember whatever you write on here will live on forever.