Monday, May 31, 2010

Karma

All this drama and self-pity could have easily been avoided. All I've ever wanted was just the answer to an apparently impossible question, "why?" If JSR had just explained his feelings, his actions, anything for that matter, life would have continued as usual. I gave him multiple chances to make good on his past mistakes, but I never heard from him. One day he was a part of me life, the next dead and gone. I guess he never really knew me after all or what I was capable of doing when pushed to the tipping point. It's funny that he thought I would let it go, move on without a word, as if his words were the law. What goes around always come back around? That's the thing about karma and crimes of the heart; they will never be free from your conscience. Trauma and embarrassment are bound to bite you in the ass down the road.
Revenge isn't always sweet. More often the revenge plan backfires and the pain and embarrassment of betrayal is relived again. If done correctly and without emotional attachment, revenge can be the sweetest form of closure and peace with an unfinished past.
I want to make one thing very clear; none of this plan is in hopes of ever making up with JSR and being friends again. I don't want him as a friend anymore. No amount of apologies could ever repair the damage and pain he has caused me. So, then why am I going into the Lions den? Why can't I just let it go? Everyone has a different way of dealing with grief. For me, confronting the ghost, seeing him one last time is my way of bringing closure to the past. Blindsiding him and seeing the look on his face is more important than actually speaking to him, as there are no words left to say.
MV

8 comments:

  1. Devil's AdvocateMay 31, 2010 at 9:12 AM

    Careful, your plan might backfire.. Maybe that's what he wants. Maybe he wants to prove he still has that power over you. Sad to say, you might lose this battle. Closure is what you need, but will this really bring closure? Will this be the "entrente cordiale" or is this the declaration of war?

    Devil's Advocate

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  2. I'm either going to look completely insane or brillant without a care in the world. Either way for my own sanity I must at least try to confront the ghost and if he isn't there then it wasn't meant to be. Thanks for reading. MV

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  3. I agree with you and I'm not going there because of him. I have to go there for business and other personal reasons. I'm just taking a gamble he might be a certain place at a certain time and if he's not then so be it. My main thing is I didn't ask to brought into his family situation, but for some reason I was and I just want to know why. It's that simple. I don't want him and I certainly don't want to disturb a clearly delicate martial situation and I made all this clear from the beginning. Why is the only question I have ever had and I'm just proving a point that it doesn't matter what he says or wants or doesn't want because one's actions can have a major effect on the lives of others and if he thinks that by walking away and never explaining his childish actions that I will forget the pain or betrayal. Really I'm just doing this to amuse myself, I have moved on, but unlike him it wasn't overnight. It's taken me months to start getting over the betrayal and erasing the last ten years of my life.

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  4. Oh honey I don't want him ever again. He is the definition of sewer rat. You are right I don't know her. She seems very nice and a fabulous mother and wife. I have no problems with her and honestly I completely understand where she is coming from. All I have wanted was the answer to a long history, which really doesn't have anything to do with her. I didn't ask to be brought into his new life and I made it clear from the beginning that I didnt think it was appropriate, but at last I was curious.
    I have to go for business and other personal reasons. I 'm not going on a treasure hunt to find him. Honestly I dont want to find him. I'm just pissed off at him for the bitter and childish manner he acted, not her. She has nothing to do with this. Like the fact he wanted to introduce me to his wife. Why?? If he thought she would be uncomfortable with this they again why? But, really why did he want to meet me in the first place and why did he find me after nearly four years?

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  5. Wow..this blog has a better plot line, and is far more entertaining then the recently released Sex and the City 2!! I have been following along here for the past month, and now find myself quite confused! Is "anonymous" actually staking claim to the infamous JSR? Is she the perfect little wife? Doesn't seem too perfect to me! Why else would JSR seek out MV(Kate?) after 4 years? And again, why introduce her to this so called perfect family? Then...more cowardly than that Wizard of Oz lion..disconnect totally from MV via the internet.Was that due to JSR's own guilt, or because the perfect little wife from the perfect little family insisted on it? Seems to me that there are some serious trust issues between JSR and perfect wife..why else would a friendship end so abruptly with no explanation or apology?
    I also find it ironic that the anonymous posts mention embarassment, yet in my opinion, she causes her own embarasssment by acknowledging her part in all of this.MV could have been writng about any JSR in any tropical paradise..Lord knows all us gals have a JSR lurking somewhere in a past life..
    I say MV keep on blogging baby....

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  6. Couldn't have said it better myself. You bet your ass I'm going to keep on blogging. Thanks for all the lovely comments. What a fabulous addition to the book.

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  7. I don't care what Anonymous has to say KEEP WRITING!! And if you feel like visiting the Lions Den, then do it and be careful!! =]

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  8. If you are just now catching up unfortunately we had to remove a few comments made by anonymous people for inappropriate and slandering remarks. We have left some of their other comments in the follow up blogs.

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