Friday, October 1, 2010

Thirteen Again

"Security is mostly a superstition.
It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men
as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outrightexposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing."

-Helen Keller

When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving one's self and one always ends by deceiving others. Instead of being happy at the moment I realized I had fallen for McDreamy I impulsively started a fight with him. Brilliant plan. What am I thirteen again and boys have cooties? So, I pull a move out of the How To Lose a Guy and have him running for the border handbook. I became a possessive, needy, insecure freak.
It all started when McDreamy sent me an email that apparently wasn't meant to be taken in a negative manner, but in my twisted mind I took his words to mean that he was unhappy with me and wanted out of the relationship. Without even bothering to ask him for a clarification I abruptly ended what was up until yesterday morning the beginning of possibly something great. Of course while writing my response to his email I completely forget about all the super sweet gestures and words he had said.
There were no playful conversations today, just a couple short and vague responses to my questions. After I repeatedly begged him to forgive me and forget what I wrote (ladies, don't try this at home) I've braced myself that my childish rant towards McDreamy very well might have ended us before there ever really was a we. As the hours go by and still no real answer I am becoming angry. Not only at myself, but at him for not speaking the truth.

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