Saturday, October 2, 2010


"Of course you don't die. Nobody dies. Death doesn't exist. You only reach a new level of vision, a new realm of consciousness, a new unknown world." - Henry Miller

The mystery and seduction that once embodied the romance abruptly ended. Without warning I was written out of the script. I will never allow M to have the reward of being the maker of my destiny. His decision while unknowingly at the time set into motion a series of events that ultimately lead me here today. For this I am thankful. I am so happy that I finally buried the sewer rat that for years had been clinging onto my heart.
Long distance relationships have their appeal and for some they work well. The true test however comes when you have a long distance fight. Knowing that there is a very good chance the anger party will never be able to confront. You aren't forced to discuss the problem and attempt to work it out. Instead you have the option to remain silent. To not answer the phone or respond to the multiple emails. That is a choice and I suppose a cleaner way to end a love affair. But, you would think if you truly cared about someone that you would take the time and attempt to fix the problem.
Ghosts while no longer present in the after life still remain with me. No longer clinging to my heart, but where they always should have been six feet under. Unable to talk down to me, unable to control my actions, unable to fight me. I will forever stomp on the souls of the living dead whenever I need a pick me up. Words use to be like knives, but now with each click I am one step closer to finding peace within the madness. What was done can never be erased and I will forever guard my heart, but then maybe I learned my lesson. Never trust anyone. You will always be disappointed.

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