Sunday, October 17, 2010

The Domino Effect

I've always believed that everything happens for a reason and when one door closes another opens. In a conversation with Aussie gal the other day we discovered that our relationship history is eerily similar. There was the October 3 connection and after further disclosure we found out we share a similar tattoo with the meaning wisdom and strength. Although I question the real meaning of the Japanese symbols on my back.
I was starting to think I was being punk'd by Aussie gal. She even figured out my ever so not anonymous identity. Which I thought I had hidden pretty well although it doesn't really matter anymore since everyone who knows me offline (even my folks. Hi, Mom & Dad) knows I'm a founding member of the Love Bites crew.
It got me to thinking about the domino effect result of one unanswered question and how as a result of M's silence a year ago my life as well as his at times is now being discussed internationally. What once was a betrayal of basis common manners is now what drives me to continuing writing and continue bashing and continue sharing my story with the world.
If I had gone to sleep and not been online on that fateful night M and I wouldn't have started up a conversation which then became a nightly ritual. If I hadn't gone out for a drink to celebrate a former co-workers last day of work then I wouldn't have been introduced to her husband who would later get me a job which is where I met John. If I hadn't moved back north and returned to my old job I wouldn't have crossed paths with J.
The world at times seems way to small. Forgetting the past can be impossible when the circle you travel in is only a hop, skip and jump away from the JSR. Maybe if I had more willpower I wouldn't have allowed M back in my life and given him a second chance. But, I was looking for closure then, just as I am now and forever will be. With the touch of a button ghosts return from the dead and old acquaintances are given the spot light to shine bright and turn a cliffhanger in a happily ever after ending.
The Man said it best yesterday, there are people who leave a lasting impression on our hearts and forever change who we are in future relationships. I don't regret my past or the shameless people I stupidly thought were my friends. In the end life comes full circle and the past and present are always intertwined. Even if M had been a nice guy and kindly answered my questions I still wouldn't have been at peace with our past. Before this year, I wasn't able to see M for who he was and always had been. Some people change and mature with age while others will always be jackass sewer rats.
When we look back at who we use to be and whom we once loved we sometimes wonder what were we thinking?

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