Thursday, October 14, 2010

Heart and Soul

Many years ago I had the biggest crush of this guy at school. His personality was what attracted me and even though he needed to lose weight I was infatuated with him. We hung out in the same circle of friends and had a short-lived fling. We stayed in touch after graduating, but nothing became of it. I heard thru the grapevine that he had started dating a mutual friend whom a few weeks ago he married. They are so cute together and in looking at the pictures of their wedding the first thing that came to mind was "What was I thinking?" I don't mean this in a bad way, but rather I realize how off balance we were. Then again so were all the others ghosts of relationships past.
I see this more clearly now because I'm finally in a place where I know exactly what I want and need and I finally understand the dance. Up until now I had given all of my heart and soul to jackass after jackass and in return didn't even get a good bye. So then comes along this man who is the opposite of my norm and is charming and kind and instead of opening my heart as I had all too quickly in the past I shut him out.
Thinking I don't deserve the dream, that the dream can't come true for me and stupidly believing that I should give the biggest douche bag, jackass sewer rat a second chance. Had I not been listening to a word McDreamy had been saying all this time? I deserve better than Andy and if I would just let my guard down and actually give McDreamy a fighting chance I might be happily surprised.
And so if you are reading this now McDreamy I say yes. You only live once. Might as well make it a good story.

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