Friday, October 8, 2010

And So It Goes

I took a step forward and made the impulsive decision to leave, to start a new life far away from the haunts of the past. It was going well; new home, new car, new boyfriend, new friends and new outlook on the future and then I took what felt like ten million steps back.
It wasn't because I was still in love with Andy. Stupidly there was a part of me that questioned McDreamy's motives. Ultimately I let myself believe that no one could want me just the way I am. That I am to emotionally messed up for someone to truthfully desire me.
Making our story public was definitely not something the old me would have felt comfortable doing. I am glad I took a chance and stepped out of my comfort zone to experience what very well may have been the most refreshing and intoxicating love.
Up until now love has always been a taboo word for me. A rumored feeling that I had yet to experience, but repeatedly was spoken with no pretense. I think I finally get what all the buzz is surrounding the much hyped about word or maybe I have never been in the presence of a gentleman.
In the future I hope I will have the courage to open my heart to the idea of love without shutting down once I think I found bliss.

"In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense

And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose

But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you
As if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows"
- Billy Joel

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