Friday, August 13, 2010

Cyber Dating Rules

After a (not so) brief hiatus, I've decided to try this out again. I'm thinking of this as my Let's See if Online Dating is For Me version 2.0. This time I have a better understanding of how things work in this lust matrix we call a dating site. I was going to say romance matrix, but who are we kidding? With online dating, one isn't contacted or responded to unless the other person looks at your picture and thinks, "Yeah, I'd go there." So, it starts with lust, and if we're lucky, ends in romance.

Here are the "rules" of online dating that I learned and/or imposed during Let's See If Online Dating Is For Me version 1.0:

1. If someone contacts you and you're not interested, it's better to just not respond. Polite "no thank yous" are rarely appreciated and just end up opening up a can of worms.

2. It's incredible just how far good grammar and spelling will take you (not just in real life).
B. When sending emails, make sure to say something that tells the person you're contacting that you actually read their profile (i.e. no form emails).

3. Pictures are better when they are candid or at least look natural. Professional-looking photos are a turn off (seriously. I took a poll), especially with those horribly tacky backdrops of...I don't know...the Eiffel Tower.... or you in your office pretending to work and not notice there's someone in front of you with a perfectly positioned camera...or you taking a picture in front of your bathroom mirror with your camera phone, posing in your bathing And I especially love the one in your bra, laying on you're bed (that just says "dont'cha want me, I'm sexy"). Hahahahhahaaa and then you want to know why men think of you as a sexual object. Ohh, don't post too many at the club with drinks in your hands looks like you're a drunk.

4. Don't ask for personal contact info such as email address, messenger address, or to be added to Facebook too soon. It's almost always better to wait until after the first meeting for that. It looks like you're too interested (desperate).

5. Coffee/drink dates are perfectly acceptable first dates in online dating. Any daytime date works as well. They are simple and safe.

I have more, but I'll stop here.

I think I'm pretty open-minded about the type of person I would like to meet. I think a well-rounded person should have a little bit of everything in varying's just a matter of finding the right combination. It would probably be a good idea to list a few things that I would consider deal breakers:

-Doing anything in excess (but a little is OK): drinking, gaming, drugs, partying, and other similar self-indulgences

-Inflexibility (got to be flexible) Lol.


-Beer gut

-Super picky eaters/ eat like a rabbit

-Intolerance of sarcasm and silliness (laughing / joking is the best)

And to close on a good note, a list of things that do it for me:

-Effortless sense of humor (you know those people who are funny without even trying...I wish I could be like that)


-Courteousness, thoughtfulness, consideration


-Looks great in heels (no kankels)

-Great hair

-Easy smile

First Date
On our first date, we'd be ourselves as much as possible while doing something amusing, or eating. We'd start off with small talk and I'd hope with all my heart that the conversation turns interesting and that there are no awkward silences, because that will mean we're starting to dig each other on the non-physical level as well. If there were no initial spark, we'd give each other the benefit of the doubt anyway. At the end of the date, no matter how it went, we'd be glad we met each other.

Those are a few simple rules I try to follow, but who are we kidding, we are looking at their best photos, at the best angles, and imagining how they are speaking to us as we read their emails. We have already perceived their body language, their tone, and their expressions. Internet dating is not for the close-minded, everyone has their "types" but can you actually tell if this is your "soul mate" from a few messages and a couple brief phone conversations? Doubtful.... but we sure do get our hopes up.
The Man

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