Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Bitter, Party of One

WOW!!! I am amazed! 10,000 readers. Well, I guess I can't turn back now. One thing about putting yourself out there online is that: you are there forever! And Shit! Do I really want everyone to know my dirty laundry? I rarely look to see the comments any longer (I liked when I could see them on the blog), but when I heard there were 10,000 readers, I went threw a ton of the comments. I noticed it was mostly women who did the commenting, and most have been either hurt in the past, or lost in some way and trying to find answers to why they are alone.
Let me first say you may like me, or hate me, but if we work together...we will find the answers to most of these questions. At first I was somewhat brought here to try and answer a few questions, but as time went on, I started sharing some of my own experiences. I, in reality am not as crazy as I seem. I have been in a few long-term relationships in the past, and I would love to be in another. I just recently have chosen a different road to find someone I may not meet otherwise. I chose the internet...I know there are many skeptics as far as that goes...and trust me, I am one too...but given my schedule, and the type of work I do, it is just plain tough to find someone.
Many women may ask themselves "why am I single?" well, there are a million reasons; it just depends on your outlook and what you are really after. Do you always go for the same "type”? Try changing. Do you like the "flashy guys”? Well, I was one of those guys in the past, and let me tell you WE KNEW YOU WERE ATTRACTED TO US BECAUSE OF THAT, SO WE USED YOU, LIKE YOU USED US. Sorry, but true. Here are a few reasons that I think may be true.
Throughout history, a very different picture has been painted when it comes to the Single Woman vs. the Single Man. Single men are seen as "bachelors" - independent, having fun, and enjoying life to its fullest before getting "chained down" by a woman. Single women on the other hand, have long been seen as less than whole if they're not attached, lonely spinsters, and cat ladies. Hopefully by now in the age of human equality, we all know these archaic views is just that - out of date, and untrue? However, the lingering effects of deep social strongholds can die hard, and women are often the guilty ones when it comes to letting go of old, stale self-perceptions.

Reasons Why Some Women Remain Single

1. Many women are not so much ashamed of who they are, but simply unsure. When going through the dating stage of a relationship, a woman's instinct can often be to hide her personality, for fear of rejection. She waits to see how she fits into a man's lifestyle/personality, before "risking" the rejection, which she fears, could come with him knowing her true self. This results in no real connection being made, or a false connection being made with someone who really doesn't care about knowing the real her anyway.

2. Some women have no problem meeting men; they date often, but seem unable to have a lasting, committed, relationship. Often the fear of being alone motivates women to have temporary relationships with men they don't really have an intention of staying with. There is a lot of deception involved in these relationships, by using another person to temporarily fill loneliness, you self-deceive, as well as lead someone on unnecessarily. If a woman is not focused on creating a real relationship (if that's what her goal is), she may be giving off the wrong signals to potential mates, by always appearing "taken".

3. Women are notorious for "settling". Again, the fear of being alone can cause a woman to try to make a man "fit", when in reality the relationship is just not working, and really bares no resemblance to the type of relationship she actually wants to have. Women tend to get emotionally attached quickly, and find it difficult to distinguish between attachment based on fear, and actual love.

4. Addictions, such as alcohol, food or drugs, can also create the appearance, or "vibe" that a woman is taken. If her life centers on her addiction, there is no room for love with someone else.

5. Past loves. Sometimes there is an on-going and unhealthy attachment to a past love, which prevents a woman from truly moving on, and being able to commit. Even if there's no chance of the relationship rekindling, the guilt, sadness or anger she carries around is what's stopping her from moving on.

We often ask ourselves, why am I still single? What is wrong with me? Why doesn't anyone want to love me? The answer of course, as always, is look within, and figure out what you are doing to hold yourself back. It's not about being an undesirable person, but about letting the wonderful person you are shine through so others can see. Blaming or projecting onto others is natural, but only results in a delay of growth and progress.
I actually know some of the reasons I am single, but can I change the person I’ve been transformed into? Of course I can...
The Man

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