Monday, November 8, 2010

Should I Stay or Should I Go Now?

It wasn't supposed to be like this. In many ways I wish I could go back in time and change everything, but then I realize that it's not all my fault. Yes, it was not wise to allow M back into my life. M might have helped grow the gap, but the separation had already begun months earlier. I took my pain and frustration out on the one person in the whole world who unconditionally loved me and day after day he stood silent by my side, not bothering to ask what was wrong.
It was the silence and what I thought was a lack of caring and affection towards me that frustrated and upset me. Of course all those months were never discussed. Which frustrated me even more, because to him it didn't mean anything. To him, it was normal to stop talking and start sleeping in different rooms without a discussion of why? How could he not see the warning signs that happily ever after were quickly turning into roommates without benefits?
To honestly say you didn't see the change and didn't even try to understand is the cowardly way out. How could it return to what it once was if one person has changed and the other is still happy with the way it is?
Walking away from a life that once was all you ever wanted and for the most part ideal is absolutely terrifying. I will always question if I made the right move. If I should have tried harder, if there still was a chance to have the past back, but having the guts to let that life go and try something new is what I needed. It's hard to move on, when you’re still attached to your past. You must learn to let go and open your heart to someone else. If one day I come to realize I made the wrong choice then I will have to live with that, but you don't learn unless you try.

"Darling you got to let me know
Should I stay or should I go?
If you say that you are mine
I’ll be here ’til the end of time
So you got to let me know
Should I stay or should I go?

Always tease tease tease
You’re happy when I’m on my knees
One day is fine, next day is black
So if you want me off your back
Well come on and let me know
Should I stay or should I go?

Should I stay or should I go now?
Should I stay or should I go now?
If I go there will be trouble
An’ if I stay it will be double
So come on and let me know!

This indecision’s bugging me
If you don’t want me, set me free..."

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