Saturday, November 13, 2010

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

So it's official the reason Andy came back into my life was to win me back. At least that's the story he wants me to believe. I'm not for sale, never have been. My likes and dislikes have changed over the years. If only his actions supported his words. He says he wants the spark back, but in the next breath he tells me how stupid I am and how I will fail miserably once he is gone. Newsflash dear sweet Andy I'm doing just fine. Sure, I wish it could be like old times. That I can forget all the pain and betrayal caused, but even if I wanted to start fresh I'm reminded everyday why we can never last. The affair isn't what broke us, we were broken from day one. Instead of trying to work out our problems in a mature and professional manner you have taken to hunting down the enemy in a cruel and childish way. How can you ever truly believe we can have a future together again if you continue down this path of destruction?
I was trying to imagine what our life would be like with children and while I know deep down underneath all the hostile words you still love me recent events make me seriously question moving forward. For starters I never ever want to see your family again. They already gossip about everyone else and put others down. If I want to go somewhere I'm not going to ask permission. If I want to buy myself something pretty I don't want to hear you bitch. I want a house or two, kids, nice cars, exotic vacations (fyi Cancun is not exotic unless you are seventeen), real friends and above all I want to be happy. So while we could have a kid together and cross our fingers all goes well. What if it doesn't? I will forever have your family in my business. Talking behind my back, laughing at me if I gain a few pounds, spreading rumors about my lifestyle and beliefs.
You are making the decision for me by continuing down this path. So now you know there is someone else who wants a life with me. A life that you can never show me. There are qualities of both of you that I admire and respect. Truth by told at this point I just want to be free from all the drama and left alone for a while. No one can predict what will happen tomorrow or ten years from now. But, there are certain things I do know and if you can't offer them to me now or ever then I must go and you must find someone who loves you just the way you are.
So about my photo on the fb page I took it down. I appreciate all the sweet words, but I think I want a more anonymous picture now. I don't like people in my business, so I've put my guard back up since the whole Andy meltdown started. Trying my best to lay low for a while and hope this all blows over.

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