Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Innocent Until Proven Guilty

Over the last few days there has been talks about: if I was "dating material", why I haven’t settled down, and that I'm "just fun". Normally I wouldn't spend the time answering questions from a stranger, but I am sure she's not alone on this. I have talked about "what guys/I want" but I have never really focused on my own issues. I thought I may have, but I am guessing some of you may think, "who is he to talk all that shit about women...if he were so "perfect" wouldn't he be with someone?" and many more questions. Well, here goes my attempt to explain myself a little.

There are many reasons I never got into this.... I have tried to remain somewhat anonymous; therefore some details have been left out. Let me first talk about my past. In my early 20's I was in a committed relationship that went sour after 4 yrs. Did I love her? I sure did! I would have even proposed to her (I did once), but for the wrong reasons (we were in a fight and I didn't want to loose her). She worked on the weekends about 4 hrs, away. I never questioned anything until one Christmas morning. Her Dr. (with whom we bought her breast implants) knocked on my door and asked if he could see her. I then asked "why". He then replied, "I’m here to pick up my girlfriend". I was furious! So that ended that relationship. I later found out while she was "working" she was actually seeing him instead. I should have picked up on the "signs" but my trust was 100 %. After her, I just "dated" for a while. I was not ready to be hurt again. A few years later I met my ex-fiancĂ©e. We were together for a while as well, when I realized we are totally different people. She began drinking every day as I raised her kids. It hit rock bottom for me when her kids asked "is mom drunk again?". I stayed with her for about another 6 months until she found a new place to live. All of this brings me to recently.

You may have judged me from what I have written thinking I am a Man-whore. But what you didn’t realize is the time period of everything I have been writing. Some was in my 20's and some as recent as the days I wrote them. Sure I would think, "this guy is just a fun guy", but let's be honest. How many dates, relationships, one nighters (perhaps) have you had in 10 or more years. Another thing is that you really don’t know my exact age, which if you were doing the math could be anything. Have I questioned myself? Have I often wondered if I should have settled down by now? I sure have! But I have no regrets in the choices I’ve made and actually proud I don't have a divorce and kids yet. Am I often judged for these facts? I sure am! But until you've lived in my shoes you wouldn't know what's behind what you see. Now let me see if I can touch upon the rest of the questions asked, and perhaps the rest you may be wondering.

Where I live it is not uncommon to be thirty-something and unmarried, but for some of you thee is something wrong with me. I have been in committed, long-term relationships. That's not the question...What you are curious about is: am I a player/fun guy? Let me give you some facts and then some explanations. I know exactly what I want out of a partner, I don’t play games, I wont lead you on, and I wont stay with someone because I am scared of being alone. Some of my dates have had children (which I don’t mind) but the Wednesdays and every other weekend makes it tough at the beginning to get to know someone. And that if I am lucky enough to get every other weekend. There are so many dead-beat dads out there, that I rarely even get this. Professional women: job comes first, and constantly busy/canceling plans (again, tough for a relationship). Down to earth/ normal: The two or three I tried dating had drug problems that arose after getting to know them better. I don’t do drugs, and enjoy my sleep. Another wouldn’t let me get a word in edgewise. Its not that everyone is bad, or not relationship material, it's the ones I’ve dated have had big issues. I sometimes write about these, and even have funny stories, but the truth is they were not right for me. We all wish we could meet that perfect someone, but we all have our faults and issues. It just depends what you can brush aside and what you can live with. For me, and I'm sure for you there are things that are just too hard to deal with. Face it, a good number of you were married for years to people like this and it was too much. I was just in the dating period and found all of this out. Did you expect me to stay? Hell, most of you walked away after years with people like this! So am I "dating material"? I must say I am...I even ran a little test yesterday and asked what people thought, and guess what? I AM FUCKING AWESOME, HONEST, TRUSTWORTHY, HUSBAND MATERIAL, QUE RICO, DA BOMB, ASS HOLE, HELL YEA, I'D DO YA, and a few more. So only you can be the judge!
The Man

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