Friday, March 4, 2011

Friends with Bennies

Are relationships worth it? You open up your heart, your feelings, and hopes and dreams for a happily ever after. The truth of the matter is that we have all been hurt before and swore to never feel like that again. What's the harm in going into a non-committed relationship? The most apparent positive point about being "friend with benefits" is the availability of easy sex, without all the pressures and limitations of a relationship. The beauty of this situation is its clarity -- if both sides are honest going into this, then both will know that it's solely about sex. She can never accuse you of using her, or vice-versa, because you've both acknowledged from the start that you're, in fact, using each other. Using each other in a good way, however, because removing all the emotional baggage from sex makes it much simpler and potentially more enjoyable. There are some rules and it's definitely not for everyone, but given the right person, it can be just what you need.
Be clear about what you want. To make your friends with benefits experience a good one, know what you expect from the relationship. Take the time to really think about it. There is no one-size-fits-all formula. Having a basic understanding of your needs and being able to articulate those needs could help you save lot of drama in the end.
Choose your partner wisely. This is by far the trickiest and most important step. Being friends with benefits requires a delicate balance. Your partner should be someone who you enjoy spending time with and someone looking for the same things as you in a friend with benefits relationship. Set the rules. Every friend with benefits relationship needs a clear set of boundaries. Sit down with your partner and decide what those rules will be. And the most important aspect of this type of relationship is Get out before it gets too heavy. Friends with benefits relationships have a short shelf life. They tend to morph into something deeper for one or both partners. If your casual relationship starts to change, end it unless you are happy with the changes, Many women/men think they are strong enough to handle this type of relationship, but the truth of the matter is, not to many can do it without some sort of feelings. Nonetheless, if you want to give this a shot, remember the importance of honesty from the get-go. If one of you is going into this secretly hoping for more, then the problem of dishonesty arises, and that person is probably in for a nasty disappointment when it doesn't play out that way. And trust me, nine times out of 10, it never develops into anything more. It's much more likely that just the opposite will happen. You tend to slowly drift out of each other's lives over time, or if they start seeing someone else seriously.
I can't begin to tell you haw many of these have held me over until I found someone I really wanted to date. All of them knew what they were getting into from the start, but feelings eventually developed and their time was no longer necessary. Some may say I'm a dick, but hey, she knew what it was, and more than willing to do it. It wasn't my fault 90% wanted a form a relationship through it! There is a huge difference between men and women. I’ve said it a million times, but women are more mental thinkers when it comes to sex, men can do the act, and not look back. Look at it this way: 50% will have a one-night stand and never call again. What if that one night stand was so good that you wanted another, and another, without the emotional bullshit that comes with it? In any situation the one who cares less, wins!
The Man

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