Sunday, September 5, 2010

The Perfect Storm

From coast to coast my name is being spoken. For some this blog is the only connection to my life and for those who personally know me it has become a religious pilgrimage.
A few days later I gradually became accustomed to the new sounds and questions. I had seen the perfect storm brewing for months, but until the day it finally hit I wasn't completely aware of what would happen in the cleanup.
I stupidly figured everything would magically work out without tears or yelling. One door had closed and another was left wide open. Suddenly nothing had a simple answer and the person I had come to respect and admire wasn't nearly as strong as I once thought. A verbal boxing match had been started and I was the prize, but in the end neither party would walk away happy.
Drama follows me and for some the soap opera life is too much to handle. Sensitive subjects and unprovoked words created a new vehicle for change. Feelings long forgotten where at the front line and as the referee I was defending both parties in some fashion. Time may heal a broken heart, but words spit across the Atlantic will never change life. It is what it is after all. Live and learn.
As the days went by I gradually let go. It wasn't fair to either of us to continue an affair that never had a future off line. Even now I'm not sure what will happen. There is a large part of me that still cares very deeply and always will. I may never get over him and I'm not sure I ever want to. It's always easier to talk about the dream fantasy until the bittersweet reality hits you. In the interim we continue to talk and he continues to be my cheerleader.

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