Friday, September 17, 2010

Controlled Chaos

"In life we all have an unspeakable secret,an irreversible regret, an unreachable dream and an unforgettable love." - Diego March

Some find peace in the silence while others lose control without the chaos. Decisions made in impaired moments very well maybe what ends the dream. One day soon I will call and no one will answer. My surroundings have matured and with each passing day I feel myself losing control of a life I never could master. Yes the chase is fun, but the escape isn't permanent or maybe it can be. Nothing is guaranteed in life; in order for a relationship to work there must be compromise from both parties.
I worry that I've made the wrong decision, that I'm holding onto someone who doesn't deserve me or appreciate what I'm doing. But, maybe I would be able to overlook his mistakes if I knew this time was the real thing that we would be in it forever. But, I can't predict the future and I won't know until I gamble it all.
It didn't have to get to this point, but I am far from innocent in the fallout. Life goes on, but does it really get easier with time? The superficial wounds may heal, but the scars will be a constant reminder of a life once lived.
Most people in my position would have walked out the door and never looked back, but I won't give up yet. It maybe to late to fix the damage from years of neglect, but I'm willing to give it one more try.

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