Sunday, September 12, 2010

Cheesy Romance & Grand Gestures

"We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person." - W. Somerset Maugham

I push away anyone who expresses interest in me for fear that they will break my heart or I will let them down. I put every man thru a relationship boot camp pre exclusively dating label. Figuring if they are still standing at the finish line then they must be a winner. But even after all the obstacles and moments of laughter I still can't understand why they want me so badly. The things I think are imperfections in myself apparently are the cherry on top of a vanilla sundae.
Some women have a checklist of characteristics that their picture perfect Ken doll must have in order to make it to the next round in pursuing their undivided attention and love. In my quest to find "the one" I had the fortune of bumping into a man who at face value was the polar opposite of my typical type, but after further research I happily discovered that he turned out to have all the characteristics I have been looking for. Which I never ever thought was possible and because he seems too perfect to be true I interrogate him even more.
Yet day after day he continues to call me and reaffirm his desire for me. If I believed in "the one" and opened myself up again to the idea of love and all its cheesy romantic gestures I believe I might be happily surprised.The hiatus is over folks slowly but surely the Love Bites gang is coming back. It's a bit embarrassing to admit that I am still at times a basket case. After Andy showed up at my doorstep unexpectedly back in July the barely healed wounds started bleeding again. I hate that I still love him even after everything he did to me. As predicted, less than a year after the divorce he came back to me begging and pleading that I forgive him for his mistakes and that I was the one and only love of his life. Or rather his new wife (the secretary he was cheating on me with) got bored of good old Andy and found herself a new sugar daddy. I briefly entertained the idea of getting back together with Andy and excepting the duty of stepmother to his new child, but then I smacked myself with the frying pan and realized just how insane that thought was. (Thanks to Aussie gal for being brave enough to share her personal story of heartbreak and life after betrayal and for reminding me why I had started writing in the first place) I was so happy with McDreamy up until that day and with Andy I was so miserable. Why would I even stop and consider the idea of getting back with Andy? Had I not learned a thing during the past year? I suppose I found comfort in Andy and the memories we shared and just like going to a chain restaurant I know what to expect. It might now always be spontaneous but the routine we once had was enjoyable at times. With McDreamy I don't know what to expect. I don't know his quirks or what makes him tick and most importantly I don't know if we have the potential for a serious future together. It is to soon to tell and in a way that is why I haven't completely ruled out the offer Andy put on the table because I don't know.

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