Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Guts & Glory

"When it comes down to it, I let them think what they want. If they care enough to bother with what I do, then I'm already better than them." — Marilyn Monroe

It would be easier to walk away and not confront the problems, but I've never been one to throw in the towel without a fight. Depending on whom you speak to the story will be worlds apart. One of a free spirited happy soul and the other of the wicked witch.
Last year on October 3 life as I knew it came to an end. It wasn't the cowardly email from M (aka JSR) that caused the depression, but his note and more importantly his silence and the fact that he never had the guts to attempt to explain his words or actions that caused me to rethink everything I thought I knew about everyone around me.
If someone I had considered a good friend for nearly a decade could effortlessly remove me from their life in such a brutally cold manner than I never was a friend to them in their eyes. Which means that all those years I stayed up talking into the early morning hours and all the kind words he spoke to me about the success of my business were lies. M is a heartless bastard with no guts or balls. A big fucking pussy with no game, talking shit to boost his ego. When the truth is he isn't noteworthy or Executive material. He is a permanent Executive in training (six years and no promotion. I know the business, I married into it and the behind the scenes unspoken truth is YOU SUCK and your father turns out he was fired from the fs.)
If it weren't for the Internet we never would have met. Maybe one day you would have done the tasting for my wedding or our children will attend the same private school, but the truth is we aren't alike at all. You talk the dream and I live the dream. I have guts, I have balls, I don't run away from the tough questions. One year later I have accomplished so much more and you and your by the books wife and kids are still going thru the motions doing the same thing you were one year ago today, working the same job.
I faded out and lost interest in life after the email from M last fall and didn't wake up again until the spring. I can't get back the months I lost or repair the damage that was done, but I've learned from my mistakes and forgiven those that burned me. Karma will come back around one day and I hope to have a front row seat for the show.
LOL now MF and CF. Doubt your washed up, pencil pushing friends will dare touch me now or ever again. 12,310 Love Bites groupies and counting. Thanks again for the hatred it's the greatest form of love.

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