Thursday, April 22, 2010

Free Falling

The perfect marriage is between a blind woman and a deaf man. Love in many ways is a battlefield that to often gets lost in translation. Over time love becomes a vintage wine, so rich with history and body that it can only be savored occasionally. If you don't choose correctly it's beauty will decay and the pleasure will be lost forever.
But just like any collectible, you must search thru the fakes to find a hidden jewel. Even then there are no guarantees to the value of your investment. Relationships like houses require hard work and maintenance. If left unattended their beauty will break away or be masked by its weathered environment.
Grand gestures and second chances only go so far. If the foundation is cracked, it doesn't matter how hard you try to repair the damage it can never be the same. At what point do you throw in the towel and call it a loss? Maybe it's too late to repair the damage, but if you don't give it a real shot then you will always wonder what if?
How did we get to this point? How did we manage to detour so far off course is the bigger question? If you don't understand what happened then how can you ever get back on course? Life experiences change us and the daily routines that become our normal habits sometimes make it harder to think beyond the moment, our responsibilities, our job, and our bills to really ask ourselves what makes ME happy. Sometimes it's little things like getting a pedicure or buying a new pair of shoes or maybe it's something larger like owning a house or taking a vacation somewhere exotic.
It might seem selfish, but if you forget what your needs and desires are the house of cards will come crashing down shortly. Everyone is capable of faking a reality. Most people do it every day. We buy houses and cars we can't afford, we go into debt to be seen in the newest designer outfit and then some people live double lives.
When you hear about the scandalous stories of affairs one has to wonder is it really possible that the devoted spouse was so naive that they never knew anything. From experience I can only say that the affair, the lies are a symptom of someone losing control of their life, of their dreams. What ultimately brings someone to cheat isn't so much the result of a break in their current relationship, although this usually has something to do with the situation they create. All to often, the cheating is more a symptom of a thrill seeker.
Whether or not any one will admit it the relationship was broken long before the affair began, but it's unfortunate that instead of communicating and discussing the problems and emotion separation one chooses to get it on with another person. Once the trust is broken it's nearly impossible to repair the damage.
We both lost that day and there will never be a winner. To this day, how something that was once so good could have ended so poorly is still a mystery to me. I believe falling out of love is like parachuting. It's terrifying at first, then exhilarating and you don't want the high to end and then you crash and after you brush yourself off and stand up the world appears fresh and new. Even though you know you might get hurt you still jump and hope for the best because if you never hit bottom then you aren't really alive.

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