Monday, January 10, 2011

Relationship Limbo

The Internet has become a Russian roulette. I find myself spending my free time checking my emails and crossing my fingers that he will write me again. Yet, as the days go by, the waiting game continues to do a mental number on my mind. I find comfort in reading the comments on our fan page from lots of other seemingly fabulous women who also find themselves in relationship limbo. It is a much needed jolt of reality. I don't need a man to be whole. Yes, it would be nice to have a spouse to enjoy my free time with, but life is just as much fun without a backseat driver.
Was it ever really love? I don’t know. I tend to believe that if someone really, truly loves you that they will be by your side whenever life gets complicated. There maybe disagreements and fights, but you will eventually make up. If there never was love it is so easy to walk away in the sunset and never look back.
I will not make the mistake of holding out hope any longer. I will not write any more notes attempting to explain myself and expressing my feelings in an over the top Notebook way. This is not me. Yet this is exactly what I have been doing. I will respond if he decides to contact me again. But, I must prepare myself for the fact that he very well may have deleted me without a thought or answer. In which case I will find myself forever wondering what the hell was it all about.
A part of me would be crushed if he has moved on. But, I've done pretty good so far making peace with my past.

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