Monday, January 10, 2011

Damaged Goods

Damaged goods may refer to:
* A damaged good, a good that has been deliberately reduced in quality or performance for marketing reasons
* A person who has an unresolved conflict of emotions after a traumatic event
Damaged goods means different things to different people. But the most common two uses would be these:

1. Someone who has serious emotional issues that make it impossible to carry on a normal relationship with them. For example, someone who's been manipulated by her loved ones a lot and is now looking to get into a relationship just so that she can hurt someone back. Another example would be a girl who is so into her good looks that she thinks that everyone exists only for her pleasure and will use you and throw you away.

2. Someone who's slept around a lot and because of that is either a health risk or again, an emotional risk because she doesn't understand what a real relationship looks like.

But this is the part that annoys me: people saying a single mom is damaged goods. First off, most single moms didn’t choose to be “single” mommies — quite a few were in committed relationships when they decided to have a child (or children) with their mates and, due to varying circumstances, relationships crumbled and they parted ways with kids’ /father(s). They could’ve stayed with these men and lived unhappy lives of emptiness and dissatisfaction, but decided they deserved better, that their kids deserved better. Single mothers are STRONG and that should be applauded, not mocked. You know how they say it takes a village to raise a child? Well, some of us just have a hut and a friggin’ tiki torch and we’re making it work.

All y’all talking smack about not dating single moms, let me tell you something. One day, you may get married, have kids, get divorced and end up a single dad. You may accidentally get a girl pregnant and wind up a father. Hell, you may have a long-lasting relationship, father some kids, and then end up single again. Life throws you curveballs. It is what it is.

I/myself was one of these when I was younger, but have learned many things through the years. These are some of the most giving women you will ever meet. When given the choice between a 20 something party animal(without kids), or a 30 something (with a kid) I would choose the one with a kid. I am saying this because I am looking for a "relationship" not just a "fun girl". But I do hold reservations to the amount of children they have, and also the ages of the kids. I am aware one day I will hear those dreaded words "YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY, YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO" and although it would piss me off, especially if I have given up my lifestyle to raise this child, I do know it will happen.

I have been sitting back recently and just been reading the words most of you have been commenting. I have noticed, and I'm sure you have too, that mostly WOMEN are the ones wanting that old relationship back. I understand you have been hurt, but don't become "damaged goods". There are many great guys out there, and we can read this very well. If you often wonder what scared him off....... look how you speak about your past relationships! We don't want to be another JSR!!! I say this because many dwell on the past and bring all those trust issues to the future relationships. He's not the same guy, give him a chance before putting him in that category!

We've all been burned by men and women in our lives. Don't let a few bad apples spoil the reputation of men everywhere for you. Here's the things you need to remember to keep yourself thinking clearly around the other sex.
Recognize that men and women are different in some very fundamental ways. Men are physically stronger than women, often times larger than women, and more prone to using their physical strength due to their capabilities and the levels of testosterone in their bodies. This is no excuse for them to use it inappropriately, but it does need recognition. Also realize that men are simply hardwired differently than women.

Recognize that men are intelligent creatures and have similar hopes and ambitions as women. Most men want to have a good, steady job; they want a family and a solid lifestyle. Some have hobbies they want to support; others are happiest just to support their families and their wives' hobbies.

Realize that the jerk who did ______(fill in your own blank) to you is the minority, not the majority. Most men in developed nations have just as much respect for women as they do other men. They are around women constantly in the workplace, at school, and elsewhere, and recognize that as children, they had classmates who were far superior in intelligence to them that are female, and probably have co-workers or bosses who are also very savvy in the workplace and whom they come to for guidance, direction, and support.

Yes, men think about sex. A lot. But that doesn't mean that's all they think about. If that was their only capability, we'd have had a far greater number of female rulers throughout history, as men's minds would be occupied elsewhere. Most mature men have these thoughts, but it doesn't mean that they can't control these thoughts or that these thoughts get in the way of their everyday lifestyle. On the simple end, they can still cook, drive, mow the lawn, and check their email. On the more complex end, they can hold conversations, persuade or inform people, make huge scientific advances, teach classes, fix your broken car, negotiate with people in other countries, save lives by performing heart surgeries, make enormous business transactions, and all sorts of other things that men do on a daily basis. In fact, they can do just about anything a woman can do, with the exception of certain gender-based inabilities such as child birth.

Find men who share your interests and beliefs to spend time with. Talk to them; get to know them as much as you both feel is appropriate for the situation. You'll find you both share excitement and enthusiasm about the same types of things, and that men can actually care about something other than themselves. At the same time, let go of old male "friends" who demean you or hurt you in any way.

Communicate with other women who have positive experiences with men. Being with a group of women who all hate men won't help you get over your prejudice. Start to talk to happily married women, or women in long-term stable unabusive relationships . They'll be able to keep your attitude positive about men. Don't join the "MAN HATER BAND-WAGON"

Finally, if you think you're starting out alright and then something happens that throws off your view, take a deep breath and let it go. Remember that not all men are like that---most aren't. Most won't even begin to understand how another man could hit a woman, make an embarrassing sexual comment in public, touch you inappropriately, or likewise. Remember---there are women out there that do the same thing. Do you know why? Neither do I. We are not all the same!
The Man

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