Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Where Has Summer Gone?

So, I feel like a complete idiot. I'm not thirteen anymore and yet it feels like I'm dealing with the same issues and stupidly thinking that all men are prince charming. By the way, who started this lie and created the classic fairytale stories? Setting up every woman to believe in a false truth.
Did I really nickname a forty something year old man McDreamy? What the hell was I thinking? Just like getting a tattoo with the name of your current love, publicly disclosing your personal life can be the curse of death for a relationship.
What is done is done. I have learned many lessons over the last months and changed my life for the better as a result. In the short period I had the privilege of knowing McDreamy (it's rather pointless to change the name now) I was able to work thru most of my problems and see the ghost for who he really was. I doubt I will ever meet someone like McDreamy again. He is everything I ever thought I wanted in a mate and yet not nearly as reliable or appealing when life got complicated.
Every person who enters our life will touch it. Some will spin you in circles until you can't see straight. Others will teach you to look at experiences in a different light. Whether or not it's a long goodbye or a flash in a pan, new friends and old enemies will always be marching behind us.
Maybe when life is less complicated McDreamy and I will try again. What I need now is not something he could give me. No amount of lavish gifts or vacations or sweet words will make me stop doing what I do best. It wouldn't matter if he moved or I did. Our lives are too busy and our baggage is still sitting unclaimed.
What hurts the most now is the silence. Wanting to tell him about my day, but then stopping myself. Don't put your heart on the market and not expect it to get stolen. I will be more reserved and mindful of people's feelings and I will not jump ahead to the last page of the book without reading the fine print.

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