Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Simon Says

Your pitch is off, your attitude is bad and yet you think you're a rockstar. One minute you say something sweet and the next you are a drunken basket case, but you don't see any of this. In the morning there is no evidence or memory of the words spoken.
I've been keeping myself busy and preoccupied with the holiday season and excuses not only to shop, but socialize. Which at least for the time being makes it easier to forget the hard choices that await in the new year.
All this time I have been chasing an ideal that isn't nearly as perfect up close. I'm emotionally drained from all the madness. What is meant to be will organically occur. My New Year's resolution is to live life without questioning what tomorrow will bring.
I will not allow a man control what I want to do. If they don't understand or disapprove of my passions then I'll walk away with no regrets. I'm sure many of you are wondering what became of McDreamy and painful ambush on Andy.
For a while all was lovely in paradise. Maybe one day it will be again, but for now the silence is bringing me back to reality. Loneliness can destroy the desire to believe there is a way out. I'm not looking to get married again, so while a romantic offer I declined. Maybe, we will meet again, but for now I just want to be happy without consequences or judgement.
Looking back at what was written about on here over the summer and what was left out of the public story there are many lines that got twisted and spun. I have learned my lesson.

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