Saturday, January 28, 2012

The Kids

Single parent dating is so different from normal dating! Ughhhhh! People have many ways of going about it. I have found what I'm comfortable with and I've really tried to stick to it. A friend of mine did it completely opposite of me, in that she introduced her child to new boyfriends within a week or two of dating. Which gave her some help with the kid and I'm sure they got to spend more time together than if she never introduced them, but I remember what her daughter said after the last relationship ended: "Who's going to be my daddy now?" and "My mommy needs to find me a new daddy!"

In the beginning of my single parent dating adventures I never wanted anyone to meet my kids until we were both ready and I knew that if it didn't work out we would still be friendly towards each other. With the first guy it worked for awhile he did meet them once when he was helping me move and I introduced him as a friend. He really didn't seem too interested in them and as time went on, he became jealous of my time consuming motherly duties. So glad I dropped that one! That relationship also taught me that finding a man that has a decent relationship with their mother is important. If a man doesn't respect and love his mother, how can you expect him to respect you as a mother or a woman?? Something I previously didn't pay attention to, now it is a red flag in my book. If the first time I heard my kids' dad say he hated his mother and I knew it was a red flag I probably wouldn't have 3 kids right now!

I've only introduced two men to my kids, one of which I absolutely loved and he was a big part of our lives for all of about 3 months until he moved. We definitely jumped right into it... there was no denying our feelings and he sincerely showed my children love like a father would. My daughter was so sad when he left and she still asks about him, luckily I can tell her how he's doing and where he's living since we're still buddies.

So moving forward.... In my newest relationship with the single dad our kids know each other and they know the other parent as well. They are having to respect both parents rules and I must say they are doing pretty good with it. We all get along with each otherd are very comfortable. Now the tricky part. We've been spending a lot of time together and in the last couple weeks his children have called me 'mommy' quite a few times and earlier this week my oldest son called him 'daddy'. I think I handled it good, each time his kids called me mommy I went over to them and had a nice talk with them stating "uh-oh, did you call me mommy by accident?! You already have a mommy, right? I'm just a mommy to my children and you can call me by my name" Did I handle that right? Hopefully. I asked single dad about it, like if his kids had ever called someone else mommy and he said they hadn't and seemed pretty shocked about it.

Now let's get a little deeper here, single dad has custody 50% of the time, and I have sole custody of my children they haven't seen their dad in months. So his ex has heard from the kids about all the time we've spent together and the fact that I have slept in his bed. She was pissed that the kids knew. I probably would be too if the shoe was on the other foot.

The kids are going to have questions and we will have to provide answers. We are both worried about the kids, what they see and how they feel. My kids think we are just friends, I haven't told them any different. But the thought comes to mind, do I want my daughter thinking it's okay to sleep in a male friends bed? Do I want my son sleeping next to his female friends with the assumption of no commitment other that friendship? No way. Their opinions, standards, and beliefs are being formed right now and I want my kids to be safe, respectful, honest adults with integrity. I've got some figuring out to do.

Hot Mama

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