Monday, May 23, 2011

Love Hate Relationship

I sometimes wondered why some relationships and people can go to extremes, but after seeing it firsthand a few times I wanted to do a little research. Love/Hate relationships puzzle most people due to the dynamics that come into play. It is confusing how two strong emotions such as love & hate are involved. How does this happen? And how can such changes take place in less than 24 hours at times? There are so many factors that contribute to these harsh feelings, and below are a few I found online.

To deal with a love hate relationship you first need to realize that there is a problem. Many people involved in a hate love relationship are clueless as to what real love is. This is due, more times than not, to the environment they were raised, which was dysfunctional.

Dysfunctional families lack understanding of right and wrong when it comes to relationships. There is too much drama, chaos and confusion on a daily basis to experience anything that resembles stability. It is learned at an early age to manipulate with emotions such as crying and anger.

Understand that the hate you feel is not hate for the person, but hate at what they do or did. This is how a man ends up killing his wife of 20 years; he loves her, but is angry at something she did such as cheating or divorce. An example of the love hate relationship in the extreme.

The issue is what to do when a love hate relationship is extreme and almost out of control. To fix this both parties must be willing to get help. One person seeking help won't get it. Counseling is a must, whether it's a pastor or psychologist. Baggage from the past must be dealt with and resolved for a healthy relationship to be possible.

I have noticed a distinct difference in guys and girls. Most guys generally don't have particularly strong feelings of love or hatred towards other people. They generally get along with other people fairly easily, as long as no one is about to 'strangle them'. It is just that I notice some people go to the extremes rather than brushing it off. Is it how we are hardwired as men in comparison to women? Who knows! don't get me wrong, we do feel these emotions, but generally don't share them with the world. I think the most important factor is that we are not mad at that person, we are mad at what they did, which arises these inner feelings of hatred.

Some people have either very strong feelings of love-affection for someone, or extreme hatred. Is my analysis right? Why do some people have extremes in their personalities (extreme love or hatred)? Why do they feel they have to ruin someone's life if they dislike them/hate them? I asked a woman to help me out with this:

As for women that do this, I try to achieve harmony in my life so I don't have a love-hate relationship with anyone or anything, including myself. I have a love-love relationship with these things. I can't like it all the time, but that doesn't mean I should hold a grudge. However, I think that women are more prone to this for two reasons:

1. They are free to show their emotions. If men were free to show their emotions, you'd notice more emotional men.

2. It's socially acceptable and found in various media. Movies like Mean Girls and accompanying books influence young girls by making them think that's acceptable behavior, the same way movies that show boys acting tough influences them to think that they're supposed to be hardasses.

I agree with you, some people seem to take everything personally, so they're easily offended. Men tend to just let things roll off their backs. That's why I have exactly 2 female friends.

So with that said, burning bridges and saying hurtful things is not going to make things "better", but it may somehow fill the void of missing that someone you once cared for. I personally have been hurt in the past too, but some things are better left alone.
The Man

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