Monday, August 29, 2011

Friends with the Ex?

I realize I am not the first person to ask why we foolishly keep contact with our exes,but recently, something sparked my interest. My roommate told me a story about how she recently regretted keeping up a “friendship” with a guy she dated earlier this year. She went back and forth for a while about it, but ultimately figured out that it wasn’t worth her time—or emotion—to continue the relationship.

Personally, I have never been a fan of being “friends” with an ex-boyfriend. Let’s face it, how is it even possible? You meet, you date, you’re intimate, you fight, you break up (or for whatever reason—move, timing, etc.),and then you become friends? I don’t get it. As a result, I do not talk to, associate with, or keep the phone numbers of any of the men I’ve dated.

Until recently.

And surprise (!) it was a mistake. The long and short of it is this: we dated last summer for about two months. We had great chemistry, great sex, a lot in common,even shared some friends. Everyone thought we were so good together. So did I.

Well, he got a job offer in a city about 100 miles away, and accepted it. Obviously, we didn’t talk about it, because we were in the early stages of our relationship. I was sad, and we decided to try and make it work.

It didn’t. Are you shocked? He said he felt “pressure” to come visit me. Pressure? Didn’t he WANT to see me? I dumped him, and washed my hands of the situation.

Later, I found out that before he left, he had been talking to another girl who lived in the area, and whaddya know, about a month later, he updated his Facebook status to “In a relationship” with said girl. He was definitely willing to make the effort to come see her.

I got pissed, emailed him to say that he was a liar, a cheat, and a sleaze, and that I never, EVER wanted to talk to him again. Erase my phone number! Now. I unfriended him on FB, and again, washed my hands of it. This was about six months ago.

Then I started getting random texts from his number. I know it was him because of the area code, and the nature of the messages. I didn’t respond. Until the third one. At that point, I was “over” the whole situation, and I didn’t see the harm in communicating with him via text message. Well, guess what that led to? Yup, we ended up seeing each other about a month ago, and well, you know…

Was it worth it? In the moment, yes. Right now, not so much. And here’s why.
After I saw him, I started thinking about him. More than I wanted to. And we kept the texts up, and as a girl, being the way we are, I thought I kind of liked him again.

NO! I had to tell myself, no! It was just one night, it wasn’t a rekindling, it wasn’t a sign, or fate, or any of that shit. Why did I let myself slip? Why do girls do thisto themselves? And it really is us, ladies. WE do this. Men will go along with it because it’s NOT emotional for them. It’s just sex. And that’s where we are like night and day. And it’s also why exes should not be friends. It’s like trying to get democrats and republicans to agree on the debt crisis. (Hint, it’ll never happen.)

He is officially the second to last ex I have cut off contact with—for the second time now—and it’s worth my sanity, my sense of self, and let’s face it, it’s just the smartthing to do. Women supposedly have the upper hand in relationships—let’s prove that theory!

There is one more ex I still need to deal with, and he brought it on. Don’t worry, I will write it all down. ‘Til we meet again, reader. I’m not saying hold your breath,but it’s a doozy.
Queen of Mean

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