Awhile back I mentioned D; my colorful, over the hill, sometimes partner in crime. She is unhappily married at times so after agreeing to do a girls night out and hook her up with some free drinks she has written a piece for the blog. Great job D.
Ahh, we all have them. The one that got away. How different life would be if we were still with them. As you are with someone else, things don’t go well and you think of that imaginary ex. You might have even drunk dialed them once or twice. Now with facebook, maybe even friended them. I was madly in love with mine; he was the best thing that ever got away. Going on eleven years of marriage to someone else, he was still my escape; I was going to be with him someday.
Well, I ran into him and his girlfriend of ten years the other day. I was running/walking my first 5K and he was there. The thought never even occurred to me, because he was a runner after all in our small community. He spotted me and said “D”, gave me a hug and asked “You remember Margaret?’ “Sure do” I replied. Of course in my mind she wasn’t attractive at all and why was he still with her was going through my mind. She wandered off to talk to other folks and left us unattended. As he was rambling on and on about what has been going on in his life, I discovered I wasn’t interested. Me, not caring what this man said? OMG this is the man that I actually broke his penis and he will always have a curve to remind him of it. Should of asked the girlfriend if she liked that? Wonder if he ever told her that story.
There is a time in everyone’s life to question their choices. I actually had three. Yes, I was dating three men at once. Just call them honey, dear or whatever as not to mix up names. The imaginary ex was one of them. Imaginary is the correct word, because as I now recall, I was always last on his list. He worked two jobs, had custody of his daughter, ran, played golf, basketball, etc. In his fifties and has never married still to this date. Doesn’t even live with girlfriend. Never even married hid daughter's mother. The only good thing about him was his kissing and the places he would take me that I had never been, ( oh and sex was great until the whole broken thing). So as I listen to my significant other snoring in the other room, did I make the right choice? Ask me when he awakes?
D
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
The Wizard of Oz
"A heart is not judged by how much you love; but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz
Three hundred and sixty seven days ago my life was turned upside down. One hundred and eight two day later my new life began. I had thought about writing on Sunday, but even just reliving the days, weeks and months that followed D Day (October 3) I felt my heart beating faster and I was angry. So then I thought I shouldn't give M another fifteen minutes in the spotlight retelling the embarassing and sad story of a spineless jackass.
By now everyone reading should be well aware of the tale of M(aka JSR) and the twist of fate that brought us together and the even better twist of fate that permanently damaged our friendship forever.
Please don't tell me to let it go, to forget the douche bag, cowardly email and months later defensive and bizarre reasoning for never attempting to close the chapter politely or properly. If you can't tell by now I have let M go. There never was much to hold on to anyhow. I will forever continue to write about him because I believe I deserve to create my own ending to this chapter of my life.
Six months have gone by since we started the Love Bites blog and at the beginning we were wounded souls afraid of the unknown. Now we have a crew of nearly 15,000 super fabulous and bruised warriors and we will continue to kick some JSR ass.
Bite that M.
Kate
Three hundred and sixty seven days ago my life was turned upside down. One hundred and eight two day later my new life began. I had thought about writing on Sunday, but even just reliving the days, weeks and months that followed D Day (October 3) I felt my heart beating faster and I was angry. So then I thought I shouldn't give M another fifteen minutes in the spotlight retelling the embarassing and sad story of a spineless jackass.
By now everyone reading should be well aware of the tale of M(aka JSR) and the twist of fate that brought us together and the even better twist of fate that permanently damaged our friendship forever.
Please don't tell me to let it go, to forget the douche bag, cowardly email and months later defensive and bizarre reasoning for never attempting to close the chapter politely or properly. If you can't tell by now I have let M go. There never was much to hold on to anyhow. I will forever continue to write about him because I believe I deserve to create my own ending to this chapter of my life.
Six months have gone by since we started the Love Bites blog and at the beginning we were wounded souls afraid of the unknown. Now we have a crew of nearly 15,000 super fabulous and bruised warriors and we will continue to kick some JSR ass.
Bite that M.
Kate
Monday, October 4, 2010
Love Bites
"Love bites, love bleeds
It's bringin' me to my knees
Love lives, love dies
It's no surprise
Love begs, love pleads
It's what I need." - Def Leppard
History it would seem is repeating itself and this is my fault. I jump to conclusions without thinking because I base it on the past and the closer I let someone get the more vulnerable I am to being betrayed and rejected. So at the moment I feel a real spark I immediately discard of the man instead so I can't get hurt but then I realize maybe all men aren't created equal. Every one of them can't be a JSR can they?
It's to late now to salvage the blissful and blossoming romance with McDreamy. After my last post a couple days ago we finally had a real talk. Surprisingly he wasn't mad at me, even went on to say that it didn't matter how much I bashed him. How he felt about me wouldn't change.
I learned my lesson about dating someone who is thousands of miles away and while I very much want to continue our relationship and see what happens I had become the type of woman I've spent years mocking.
I am not typically a needy, insecure or jealous person but it would seem that the distance has made me incredibly possessive and for no reason.
He hadn't done anything or said anything wrong, but I had created drama out of nothing and as a result am mortified. We broke up over the phone though it wasn't nearly as emotionless as I had been hoping for. "I don't think I can do this anymore. It's too fast too soon. I thought I had moved on from Andy and all the baggage that came with him, but clearly I haven't.," and with that I am once again a singleton.
SP
It's bringin' me to my knees
Love lives, love dies
It's no surprise
Love begs, love pleads
It's what I need." - Def Leppard
History it would seem is repeating itself and this is my fault. I jump to conclusions without thinking because I base it on the past and the closer I let someone get the more vulnerable I am to being betrayed and rejected. So at the moment I feel a real spark I immediately discard of the man instead so I can't get hurt but then I realize maybe all men aren't created equal. Every one of them can't be a JSR can they?
It's to late now to salvage the blissful and blossoming romance with McDreamy. After my last post a couple days ago we finally had a real talk. Surprisingly he wasn't mad at me, even went on to say that it didn't matter how much I bashed him. How he felt about me wouldn't change.
I learned my lesson about dating someone who is thousands of miles away and while I very much want to continue our relationship and see what happens I had become the type of woman I've spent years mocking.
I am not typically a needy, insecure or jealous person but it would seem that the distance has made me incredibly possessive and for no reason.
He hadn't done anything or said anything wrong, but I had created drama out of nothing and as a result am mortified. We broke up over the phone though it wasn't nearly as emotionless as I had been hoping for. "I don't think I can do this anymore. It's too fast too soon. I thought I had moved on from Andy and all the baggage that came with him, but clearly I haven't.," and with that I am once again a singleton.
SP
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Afterlife
"Of course you don't die. Nobody dies. Death doesn't exist. You only reach a new level of vision, a new realm of consciousness, a new unknown world." - Henry Miller
The mystery and seduction that once embodied the romance abruptly ended. Without warning I was written out of the script. I will never allow M to have the reward of being the maker of my destiny. His decision while unknowingly at the time set into motion a series of events that ultimately lead me here today. For this I am thankful. I am so happy that I finally buried the sewer rat that for years had been clinging onto my heart.
Long distance relationships have their appeal and for some they work well. The true test however comes when you have a long distance fight. Knowing that there is a very good chance the anger party will never be able to confront. You aren't forced to discuss the problem and attempt to work it out. Instead you have the option to remain silent. To not answer the phone or respond to the multiple emails. That is a choice and I suppose a cleaner way to end a love affair. But, you would think if you truly cared about someone that you would take the time and attempt to fix the problem.
Ghosts while no longer present in the after life still remain with me. No longer clinging to my heart, but where they always should have been six feet under. Unable to talk down to me, unable to control my actions, unable to fight me. I will forever stomp on the souls of the living dead whenever I need a pick me up. Words use to be like knives, but now with each click I am one step closer to finding peace within the madness. What was done can never be erased and I will forever guard my heart, but then maybe I learned my lesson. Never trust anyone. You will always be disappointed.
Kate
The mystery and seduction that once embodied the romance abruptly ended. Without warning I was written out of the script. I will never allow M to have the reward of being the maker of my destiny. His decision while unknowingly at the time set into motion a series of events that ultimately lead me here today. For this I am thankful. I am so happy that I finally buried the sewer rat that for years had been clinging onto my heart.
Long distance relationships have their appeal and for some they work well. The true test however comes when you have a long distance fight. Knowing that there is a very good chance the anger party will never be able to confront. You aren't forced to discuss the problem and attempt to work it out. Instead you have the option to remain silent. To not answer the phone or respond to the multiple emails. That is a choice and I suppose a cleaner way to end a love affair. But, you would think if you truly cared about someone that you would take the time and attempt to fix the problem.
Ghosts while no longer present in the after life still remain with me. No longer clinging to my heart, but where they always should have been six feet under. Unable to talk down to me, unable to control my actions, unable to fight me. I will forever stomp on the souls of the living dead whenever I need a pick me up. Words use to be like knives, but now with each click I am one step closer to finding peace within the madness. What was done can never be erased and I will forever guard my heart, but then maybe I learned my lesson. Never trust anyone. You will always be disappointed.
Kate
Friday, October 1, 2010
Thirteen Again
"Security is mostly a superstition.
It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men
as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outrightexposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing."
-Helen Keller
When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving one's self and one always ends by deceiving others. Instead of being happy at the moment I realized I had fallen for McDreamy I impulsively started a fight with him. Brilliant plan. What am I thirteen again and boys have cooties? So, I pull a move out of the How To Lose a Guy and have him running for the border handbook. I became a possessive, needy, insecure freak.
It all started when McDreamy sent me an email that apparently wasn't meant to be taken in a negative manner, but in my twisted mind I took his words to mean that he was unhappy with me and wanted out of the relationship. Without even bothering to ask him for a clarification I abruptly ended what was up until yesterday morning the beginning of possibly something great. Of course while writing my response to his email I completely forget about all the super sweet gestures and words he had said.
There were no playful conversations today, just a couple short and vague responses to my questions. After I repeatedly begged him to forgive me and forget what I wrote (ladies, don't try this at home) I've braced myself that my childish rant towards McDreamy very well might have ended us before there ever really was a we. As the hours go by and still no real answer I am becoming angry. Not only at myself, but at him for not speaking the truth.
SP
It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men
as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outrightexposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing."
-Helen Keller
When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving one's self and one always ends by deceiving others. Instead of being happy at the moment I realized I had fallen for McDreamy I impulsively started a fight with him. Brilliant plan. What am I thirteen again and boys have cooties? So, I pull a move out of the How To Lose a Guy and have him running for the border handbook. I became a possessive, needy, insecure freak.
It all started when McDreamy sent me an email that apparently wasn't meant to be taken in a negative manner, but in my twisted mind I took his words to mean that he was unhappy with me and wanted out of the relationship. Without even bothering to ask him for a clarification I abruptly ended what was up until yesterday morning the beginning of possibly something great. Of course while writing my response to his email I completely forget about all the super sweet gestures and words he had said.
There were no playful conversations today, just a couple short and vague responses to my questions. After I repeatedly begged him to forgive me and forget what I wrote (ladies, don't try this at home) I've braced myself that my childish rant towards McDreamy very well might have ended us before there ever really was a we. As the hours go by and still no real answer I am becoming angry. Not only at myself, but at him for not speaking the truth.
SP
The Day The Music Died
It appears that the 3rd October 2009 was a significant day for a couple of the Love Bites crew. It was the day that Kate’s life went to shit and the day that I thought was to be the happiest day of my life. Yes. This Sunday would have been our one year anniversary. I have to admit that I have thought about this day coming up and wondering how I will feel. I have a hen’s day/night to go to on Saturday. Races during the day then Casino for dinner and drinks. So I have already picked out a dress that makes me feel great and I’m ready to go out and have an awesome time. As for Sunday I’m not sure. I might not even care at all. I might even celebrate. However I handle it I know that I am in a better place now. I don’t wish for any of it back. I often get told I have a great smile and I plan to use it….
Wisdom & Strength…
Aussie Gal
Wisdom & Strength…
Aussie Gal
The Breakup
I'm afraid to love, to fall in love so fast. Every time I open my heart it never seems to last.
What is wrong with me? Why do I push away people who care about me? Am I so afraid of getting hurt again that I can never fully trust anyone?
In a moment of both insecurity and loneliness I pulled the trigger on my relationship with McDreamy. Just days after I changed my fb status to "in a relationship" (which is super cheesy anyhow and I totally should have known better)I had pushed the man who helped bring me back to life off the cliff. I thought he would say something like "It's okay. I understand your fears and concerns and I accept you just the way you are." Just like Marc Darcy did to Bridget Jones, but I was wrong. What I had said couldn't be deleted and now twenty four hours later no call, no email, no text, nothing from him. I realize now I fucked up big time. But, then again if he can't deal with me on bad days then it never could have worked out.
But as my father says, "Never say never."
SP
What is wrong with me? Why do I push away people who care about me? Am I so afraid of getting hurt again that I can never fully trust anyone?
In a moment of both insecurity and loneliness I pulled the trigger on my relationship with McDreamy. Just days after I changed my fb status to "in a relationship" (which is super cheesy anyhow and I totally should have known better)I had pushed the man who helped bring me back to life off the cliff. I thought he would say something like "It's okay. I understand your fears and concerns and I accept you just the way you are." Just like Marc Darcy did to Bridget Jones, but I was wrong. What I had said couldn't be deleted and now twenty four hours later no call, no email, no text, nothing from him. I realize now I fucked up big time. But, then again if he can't deal with me on bad days then it never could have worked out.
But as my father says, "Never say never."
SP
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