Wednesday, July 20, 2011


I joined an online dating site a month ago with the goal of meeting "the one", but let's be honest that's asking for a lot more than a thirty-dollar membership could ever provide.
It's much easier to meet eligible single men in a cattle call of sorts. There are so many seemingly great guys on these sites that unless you meet in person within the first 48 hours you probably won't ever meet. Surprisingly the same fear of growing old alone that women in their mid to late thirties have is the same for many men as well. FYI guys it's not at all appealing. Suck it up; enjoy being single and not having to split your assets. Desperation is not sexy.
When it comes to disclosing this blog to new acquaintances I fear the backlash and misunderstand of my written words, especially the posts from the old days when we were posting multiple times a day and our blogs were more a bashing of all things men. Not exactly the best first date conversation. The other day I started talking to a guy who happens to be in the blogging world and has made a successful career in the online arena. I was intrigued by his businesses and as a blogger myself I thought it would be a good conversation icebreaker so I let him in on my sorta secret life here.
He didn't immediately run away, but the next morning I got this email.

Subject line: The most awesome display of female rage I may have ever seen


Given your blog, I couldn't help but send this to you. Am I that out of touch with the times that I'm unaware that a simple "thank you" is no longer required?

Two days ago, I went on a first date with a girl who seemed nice enough. The odd thing was that when I paid for our dinner and drinks, she didn't bother to say thank you...and for me, that was kind of a put off. Don't know why (I should have know better), but I wrote her afterwards what I thought was a polite email saying why I wouldn't be calling again so that I didn't just leave her hanging and wondering why I never called on what she probably thought was a decent date (when leaving, she asked me to call her again).

The response was so utterly mind-blowing and hilarious, that I just couldn't help but share it. Rather ironic that teacher didn't bother to spell-check her own hate-male full of insults, huh?

This is what I sent to her to unleash the tidal way of rage you are about to read below (from her unemployed roommate, no less)

Hi Erica,

Thanks for coming out with me last night. I wanted to give you some feedback, instead of just leaving you wondering why I didn't call you again.

At the start of our date, you made it clear that you could easily afford your rent without your roommate. Then, when it came time to pay for our meal, not only did you not bother to OFFER to chip in, you didn't even say thank you after I dropped $50 on our date.

I wasn't going to bother writing to tell you this, but as this was a monstrous turn-off, I thought you might like to know so you don't do it to the next guy.

That aside you seemed like a very nice girl, so it’s a shame that you don't feel the need to contribute financially to your entertainment; especially on the very first date.


PS. If you are going to reply with all sorts of nasty stuff, please don't bother, as I'm not trying to start an argument. Instead, I thought it was possible that you weren't even aware of this rather unattractive behavior.

This is what her roommate sent me....WOW!

This is Erica's roommate, Nancy. I wanted to write this to you because your email was pretty upsetting. Clearly, a gentleman you are not.

Number one, "feedback"? Are you a professor of dating? This confuses me as I am a teacher, and feedback is what I give when I get a poorly written essay. Unless you are an authority (i.e. two English degrees) on a subject, offering feedback is condescending and arrogant.

Two, just because Erica makes a good living (as do I--yes, teachers make a nice salary!), NEVER justifies a GENTLEMAN even assuming for a split second that a woman would pay for a first date. EVER. Pick up a an etiquette book, a copy of Esquire, TURN ON THE DAMN EVENING NEWS, hell, ask a homeless guy; MEN pay for dates. Always.

Two and half, $50? The fact that you would even tell her the amount of the bill, on top of assuming she would split it with you, well...really? I go out with guy friends who ALWAYS pay--and would never let me see the bill amount.

Three, a "monstrous" turnoff? That's a big word for someone who didn't have the balls to pay for the bill willingly, and then invite a girl in to watch a movie, thus continuing your date. On top of that, Erica DROVE TO YOU. That etiquette book you need to buy, it would tell you that YOU drive to a where a girl lives, and/or pick her up. Again, obviously no one taught you how to be a gentleman. Hence, you are 41 and single. Who are you to again offer wisdom on what she should not " the next guy.”?

Four, it's a "shame" that she didn't "feel the need" to pay? Are you for real? Are you an illusion, a hologram, a woman inside of a man's body? You are so hung up on money it makes me want to actually punch you in the nuts and decidedly eliminate the possibility that a jerk like you could procreate!

Your attempt at an intellectual retort to an impromptu date that YOU arranged is embarrassing, and ample proof why you are single.

Also, you live in South Beach, right? That's gay. Are you 19? Do you like beer pong? Getting high? Do you regularly "get down" at the Typhoon Saloon? And you own a cat? Oh dear Jesus! And you drive a Lotus? Did the doctor botch your circumcision and just cut your penis off?

You are not an "optimist" as your introduction says. No word of what you wrote would indicate to any person on earth with half a brain that you think positively about anything.

Your email made me sad. Not for you, but for any other girl you end up going out with. Maybe you should just apologize in advance to everyone who comes to meet you at your cool home in SB, you giant pussy.

In the time it took me to write this, I think I may have actually lost brain cells. Enjoy your single life in your cat hair-covered bed sheets.

You're lucky I wrote this, because Erica wanted to take out a full-page ad in the local paper warning all the single girls about douche bags like you. Really, she's got the money.

Next time you go to buy cat food in SOUTH BEACH, think about why you're buying CAT FOOD in SOUTH BEACH at 41-years-old. Wow, that sentence just blew my mind.

Actually, I feel like I need to take a shower now. You disgust me, and women everywhere should be warned about "men" like you.

If you would like to respond, you can email ME. Erica only shared this with me because she could not believe her eyes when this email came in. And being that I am her friend, I felt the need to respond, and break down your phenomenally weak argumentative email.


Where do I begin...I'm no Oprah or Judge Judy, but I guess I should be partly flattered and partly confused by being sent this email, especially given the subject line. My words were not sugar coated and my honesty in regards to the bizarre conversation may not have been what he wanted to hear, but hey I'd rather know now that we aren't a good match.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Think before you post a comment. With that in mind, we love comments, even the rude ones and remember whatever you write on here will live on forever.