Los Angeles Men

It’s hard to meet new people anywhere, but Los Angeles is a city where your car is a second home. Going out takes planning, taxis are hard to find, public transportation is a joke and drunk driving is common. Dating someone who lives 10 miles away means driving at least forty minutes, add in traffic, it could take more than an hour.

Finding a guy in LA who likes you just the way you are is like going to Cabo to ski. It’s fucking impossible!!! There are exceptions, but they seem to always have more baggage than any metrosexual hipster struggling actor who doesn’t realize he is not famous.

The exceptions:

1.) Divorced with kids – They will commit, but they have major baggage. Kids, an ex-wife, they usually live in the suburbs to be closer to their kid(s). Most of their free time if not all revolves around the kid(s). How well does he get along with the ex? Why did they break up?

2.) Never married, no kids, 35 or older (for some reason they usually live in Santa Monica and in the same apartment since college) – They are very nice and polite, usually a bit boring, but they have major commitment issues. Their longest relationship is usually less than 2 years or more than 4 years. Run away immediately! Don’t believe the line “I just haven’t met the one.” He probably did meet her, they are still friends, he still loves her and he regrets not proposing to her because he hasn’t met someone like her since (including you).

3.)Paper Perfect – He’s not bad looking, great chemistry, is financially stable, has a house, no kids, but you aren’t attracted to him and just want to be friends. He’s totally into you and therefore you can’t be friends. 

If he seems to good to be true, he will break your heart.

Trust your first impression.

If you go dutch before monogamy, he’s either poor, cheap or an asshole. Sometimes all three.

I have a better chance of winning the lottery than finding a good man.

Wish me luck.

Kate 

Welcome to Hollywood

I hadn’t completely given up on love yet, so six months ago after breaking up with my fiancé (it would take a lifetime to explain why, so I won’t), I followed my heart and moved across the country to Los Angeles, the place where dreams come true and love is in the air, or so I thought. 

A few stories about our relationship were documented over the years on the Love Bites blog. We were on and off for eight years which like most relationships ended quite horribly. Like Taylor Swift and any one of her exes we too are never ever getting back together.

Dating in Los Angeles is like an urban myth and the men here are all characters; some good, some bad and some so terrible that I'm seriously considering never dating again. 

My first night in LA, my bff Summer (She’s back in LA now) took me out to Bar Marmont which is a short walk from the infamous Chateau Marmont on Sunset Boulevard in West Hollywood. The mantra of Bar Marmont is “I am young, I am cool and damn it, people want to be me!” which is a pretty spot on description of the place. On the weekends you never know who you might see or meet.  

Every time I go here I always end up with hilarious stories, but never a second date. That night was no exception. At 1am, I started a conversation with a divorced, 42 year old, good-looking guy who had a teenager daughter. 

Why is it that men will tell you almost all of their baggage in five minutes if you are seating next to them at a bar, but on a proper date or during daytime hours they reveal nothing? 

And why do women think that their honesty deserves a reward?

Turned out the guy was a helicopter stunt man who worked on a bunch of Tom Cruise movies.  We exchanged numbers and a few nights late I went to a poker party he was hosting at a friend’s house in the valley. I should have known better when he told me it was 420 friendly. Turned out it was all drug friendly. I’m not any drug friendly.

In between bartending, setting up lines of cocaine on the kitchen counter and keeping an eye on the surveillance cameras recording activity around the house, because the party was totally illegal, he told me he was drug dealer at night. Just in case I hadn't figured that out already. Needless to say I left after an house and never heard from him again.

To read more stories about my dating experiences in LA, check out my new blog, Dating Los Angeles, at http://athousandfirstdates.blogspot.com.

Kate

New Year. New City. Still Single.

   I must apologize it's been nearly a year since I last wrote. I met a guy six months ago who for the first time in years made me feel special. Just the fact that I'm saying this a milestone. He is a great catch, almost everything I unknowingly wished for in my perfect match. Yet, we were polar opposites when it came to decisions on just about anything. Sadly we broke up shortly before the holidays.

   I suppose it was a mutual breakup, except for the being dumped via text part. Which I found even more hurtful being that it right before the holidays and I recently moved to a new city where the only people I had been socializing with were his friends.

   Long story short, I'm single again and almost 31!! and it turns out I've moved to the city with the worst chances of finding love or even Mr. Right Now. So, as part of my standard New Year's resolution to workout more and eat healthier,  I've started a new blog called - Dating Los Angeles @ http://athousandfirstdates.blogspot.com. If I haven't found Mr. Right after 1,000 dates I'll except my fate as an old cat lady living in a house of shoes.

 Happy New Year y'all!!!

 Kate

Mr. Nice Guy

    Wow... It's been ages hasn't it? I've been meaning to write something but I guess I just never make the time for it. Here's a little something to get my entrance back into the blog happening.

   So it’s been a long time since I’ve blogged. It’s been a long time since any of us have. I guess we’ve all been loved up recently. So my update. The last time I blogged was when I met Mr Nice Guy. Well it’s still going. And going great guns. Here we are about to enter our ninth month together. And I’ve moved in with him. We have been inseparable for the last four months or so. So it made sense. In the beginning I kept my wall up. It was stronger than after my divorce. After the Italian ended things because of his commitment fears I was determined to protect myself from ever being hurt again. I mean could you blame me?

    My marriage ended because of an unfaithful husband who couldn’t even be man enough to tell me the reason why he was ending it. And the first guy I could be close to after that ends our 12 month relationship via email at 4pm on New Years Eve because he is afraid of commitment. Happy effin New Years!!! Then along comes Mr Nice Guy (Lets call him D from now on cause I’m not typing that every time I refer to him…lol). My hat goes off to his mother for raising such a well mannered respectful guy. No doubt he had his moments growing up as every boy does. But to then to become the man that you mother wanted you to become is rare… well except for the fact that he doesn’t call her as much as she would like… I think it took a couple of months before there was any movement of my wall.

    It was a sturdy thing. But once I got that feeling that I could trust this guy and he understood why it was there it didn’t take too long before it had dropped completely.  The Italian didn’t help. Yeah he had ended it. But it didn’t take long before he started sending texts and emails. Saying what a mistake he had made. He worked out that he had commitment issues due to his parents and upbringing. He would send messages mainly on Friday and Saturday nights when he thought I would be somewhere possibly meeting someone new.

    What he was trying to do was make sure that I kept thinking about him and therefore I wouldn’t be able to move on. He even drove to my parent’s place an hour away to put a letter in their mailbox apologizing for what had happened. He showed up at work one day. I had already told him that I was with someone else. He left a letter basically saying that if this new relationship didn’t mean much then come back to him. And that he would be waiting for me when it finished.

    So lets come back to D. Any guy who buys you an awesome pair of Iron Fist shoes for your birthday gets a tick. Lol. But he did wait for the wall to come down. Very patiently. He’s very good at reading people and I think he saw it dropping before I realized. I only just realized recently that I have the same kind of relationship with him that I do with my best friend… except with more. And another plus is that he’s encouraging with my writing. He’s a photographer so he has that creative side. He’s at work at the moment but still told me I should write while he’s gone. But instead of working on a novel I thought that it’s well overdue to get this blog back on and poppin!!!!!

 Aussie Gal

Does "The One" Exist?

    Okay, finally got this done... this was a lot tougher to write than previous posts. Not sure why, but here goes. Does "The One" exist for everyone? I'm beginning to wonder. I want to believe it does. I am an adamant believer in past lives and sometimes I wonder if maybe you don't always find that person or you find them but the timing is never right.... and you just have to wait for your next life to try and figure it out. And sometimes you find that person that you inexplicably are drawn to... nothing else matters and you know it's right.... those are the lucky ones. Although knowing something is right and that you belong together does not mean it will work out... who knows maybe my radar is broken and I'm just headed in the wrong direction.

    The one that got away has been back since April. We have always been good at picking up where we left off and feeling as though no time has passed since we last saw eachother. We got to spend a decent amount of time together, and every bit of it was fantastic. However, he kept wandering away, going out of town to visit friends and family and staying gone for 2-3 weeks at a time. He chose to not get a house, or a job, and has spent a lot of time visiting family. We texted back in June and he said he didn't know when he was coming back. And so I gave up. I was so so sad and honestly didn't want anything to do with another man. I mean really, why even bother?

     Then, shortly after he left I started getting messages from another ex, and we decided to meet up. He was certainly kind, and had a lot of apologizing to do and he did it well. This is the man I dated before "the one that got away" back then we had a pretty solid relationship until he moved away to follow a lead on a job. He was gone for months but texted me almost daily... we made plans for the future for him to meet my kids and me his. We had a whole brady bunch fantasy going and when it came time for him to move back we saw eachother once and then he flaked out on me and dissapeared. That was the end of it. I never responded to another text or call. Until just recently, and I figured why not. He explained to me that he got freaked out by the commitment and that this time would be different. He said he wouldn't lose me this time. It was going well.... and then I dropped him like a hot potato (because of 'the one that got away') and have been ignoring him ever since.


    I feel bad but I don't know how to explain myself. Should I just say "Hey I'm in a complicated booty call/ almost meaningful relationship with another man and I can't see you both because I'd feel to guilty?" Or should I just keep ignoring him, and only occasionally respond politely to his texts? 'The one that got away' is like a drug!. I cave when I get a call from him. So once again, when he texted me last Friday asking me my plans for the weekend... I knew we would see eachother. It was nothing short of amazing. He's got my heart, I know I'm safe and secure with him. I know I can be myself and he doesn't judge me (like on our 3rd date when I drank too much at a bbq with friends and I ended up puking ALL over his bedroom floor as I ran for the bathroom... he kissed my forehead, told me not to be embaresed and called the next day to check on me)

    When we saw each other, he grabbed onto me, held me close and told me he was sorry. During the next few hours I swear I have never heard a man say 'I'm Sorry' so many times in my life... and seem genuine about it. We talked a lot about the last couple years. We never had a break up (just breaks in time where we didn't see each other), we never fought, or had drama. I really let go of most of my fears and told him how he's the only one that I want to be with, that no one has ever made me feel the way he does.... that he's a strange guy and I'm intensely drawn to him. I also told him that I don't want to be put on hold. I told him that him saying goodbye is important to me, and lets me know that he's thinking of me.

     So once again he left, but this time he did say goodbye.  I know he'll be back in a couple weeks... and I guess once again I'm happy to hold onto memories until then. Is this a terribly bad situation? Yes and no. I am a busy person, my kids are my life and maybe as much as I want a 'real' relationship this still might not be the right time for it. I am still a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. So seeming I feel he is "the one" should I just wait it out? In about 8 years my kids will all be teenagers and in 15 years they will (hopefully) all be in college and moving forward in life. Is it possible to love someone, hold onto them, yet not really be together for that long on purpose? Or am I just being a stupid girl and grasping at straws? Anyone have advice for me? Anyone else have problems/questions they want help with??

 Friend me on Facebook @ TheHotmama Love Bites, I would love to be thinking about your issues instead of mine!!!

Love Bites

   So, all is quiet in respects to dating, I am still stuck on the one that got away. I'm pretty sure he's going to come back in the next few months after he is done traveling. I am holding out for what once was because I simply can't move on.... and the guys I have met or went on dates with were either one night stand material (not even future booty call worthy) or "just friends" material. And I didn't sleep with either type. 
 
   I haven't found anyone that I feel connected with, or even want to be connected to. Tonight I went out for a couple hours, by myself. It was interesting, boring, and ridiculous all in the matter of a few hours. I did end up spending the majority of time with a man I met a couple years ago. When I first met him, we kind of hit it off. Then we went on one date, which went okay but it wasn't anything special for me. So throughout the last couple years I have run into him and we've been polite in talking and all but never really hung out. Tonight was different. We laughed a lot, made up lies and hung out with people we don't know and will probably never see again. It was fun.

   After awhile when we were alone, he told me that he's loved me since the day we met. He professed his love to me in front of all these people too. He told me how hard it's been on him, that ever since that first date when I didn't want to kiss him he's loved me more and more. Oh and that I'm the most beautiful woman he's ever known. Dear God!! He's not bad looking or anything, and I know he's very financially well off and I could totally go for it even if it were just for the money.... but damn it I'm smart. Way smarter than that.

  I was honest with him, I am (possibly) stupidly holding on to the past and a man that isn't even in the same state as me and hasn't even been in contact with me since September. When I say it out loud it sure does make me feel stupid. I just can't let it go, the possibility that he may be "the one" I think I'll give it a couple more months. Anyways, back to the man that loves me and isn't afraid to say it... I think he's either one of those truly honest "sensitive" men that expresses their feelings or maybe he's a "pre-stalker" whichever one it is I want nothing to do with it. I suppose he could be both, a little demented since he's known for 2 years that I'm not into him. I feel a bit bad after thinking about it all. It's almost the same situation I'm in, except the man I love I was actually in a relationship with.

Hot Mama

Be Honest With Yourself

It's been a tumultuous couple of weeks. A lot of things have recently been put into perspective for me. We are fragile.... our bodies and minds. One mistake or many once we go too far we can rarely take it back. There is only moving forward beyond the hurt, and to figure out how next time WILL be different. This life we only live once.

Single dad has been mostly silent. We hung out twice in the last two weeks for a little bit. We didn't stay the night, and he seemed a bit dismayed about that. I on the other hand am more than happy. He's not right for me; I'm not going to convince myself that he is. I deserve more and I will not settle.

With Single Dad I told him exactly how I felt when he asked me. I was honest and vulnerable. As I know now, he was not quite the same with me, and I am glad I have stuck to being friends with no benefits. We make much better friends than anything else. He is still working on his issues and I believe he drinks a bottle of denial each and every night!

It amazes me how self-indulgent/self centered a person can be. Single dad made some reference to sex last week and I replied that he should take care of himself in the shower (I was the only one who thought it was funny...ha-ha still do) He was so convinced that I was still into him, despite me telling him that I went out with a very hot younger man the night before or maybe it was because I told him about that date. Maybe he was just trying to convince himself?

Anyways, I am in agreement with Aussie Gal.... nice guys do still exist. They are however rare. I am starting to feel a bit old. And most guys my age (or a bit younger/older) seem complicated. They've either been married and are now divorced, have babies with multiple women, have kids but never see them, have severe commitment issues and could never be in a relationship long enough to even get married, or are so lonely that they constantly contact you and plead for you to go out with them or they think they are still in high school and want to act like a player. Then there are the nice guys, just as there are nice girls. It's just a matter of taking your time, being honest, patient, and going for what you really want and not settling for anything less.

Hot Mama


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