Ok resentful reader: I am sorry I am not your "type", and touched on your inner feelings. I am although glad I brought these feelings out of you. It shows that my words have brought up your own insecurities and failed relationship fears. I am just one guy. I do not represent all men. I do, in fact have great knowledge when it comes to certain relationship issues/and/or dating. Knowledge comes from skills acquired through experience or education. I assume you have not read from the beginning or even know if I am writing in past or present tense. I could be happily married, and just asked to write due to my experiences and studies in this field. If you have noticed, I have always called myself "average". I am not perfect in any way what-so-ever, but due to my looks and sense of humor have been blessed with the ability to date/experience things many would never know. If you had this gift, and were happy with your choices in life, wouldn't you also want to do it? For some happiness is married with children, white picket fences, and going out to Denny's for dinner once a month. I have the ability to go wherever I wish, with a beautiful woman, whenever I want. Is that cocky? Not at all. I have worked hard to live this lifestyle, and it creates a jealousy factor with many. Sorry you have not received what you wanted out of life. We all choose the pathways of our lives and my road has been paved with many interesting,funny,sexy,and at times twisted experiences. I would assume you (just my professional guess) you have recently had a failed relationship, you love to read fantasy stories (i.e. Twilight), enjoy some crime/detective movies, love romantic songs, think you'll never find someone whom can be everything you want(all men are evil dicks), and you have a huge interest in being heard. You have a touch of sadness and you feel you are never listened to, so you are somewhat jealous of what happiness many others hold. Some of what you have written has shown me you can not do half the things I have done, it shows your own insecurities and inabilities. This is the carnal part of our humanity that always desires posessions of others. I am not the one whom hurt you. You will, in time, find someone whom will accept you for who you are, but you will need to release the anger inside yourself. I love to see you are able to express those feelings here. It is a big step in your healing process.
One more thing you touched upon was the word "WISDOM".
Wisdom is a deep understanding and realizing of people, things, events or situations, resulting in the ability to choose or act to consistently produce the optimum results with a minimum of time and energy. It is the ability to optimally (effectively and efficiently) apply perceptions and knowledge and so produce the desired results. Wisdom is also the comprehension of what is true or right coupled with optimum judgment as to action. Synonyms include: sagacity, discernment, or insight. Wisdom often requires control of one's emotional reactions (the "passions") so that one's principles, reason and knowledge prevail to determine one's actions. I never stated I "know all", but I do believe I do have some wisdom when it comes to certain issues. (but you can be the judge)
I have read your words over and over (with a slight smile) and I keep going back to "what hurt you"? "What made you speak up"? I honestly don't know, but your words seem a little bitter and I feel sorry, but you also seem a little rejected. Here are a few things I came up with:
Reasons to bash someone:
Bullying
Boredom
Mistaken Identity
Misinformation
Existing Rivalry
Baiting
Mob Mentality
Moral Differences
Religious Differences
Racism
Sexism
Ageism
Intolerance
Revenge
Vigilantiism
Righting a Wrong
Need for Attention
Need for a Boost of Self Confidence
Deflecting Attention/Creating a Diversion
Hysteria
Misguided Enthusiasm
Hurt Feelings
Immaturity
Two Wrongs...
Bad Day
Ease of Doing So Behind These Anonymous Masks
Joking
Bad Seafood
Harrassment
Debate
Randomness
Crap & Giggles
None of which are positive feelings. I am glad you have written though. It has given me inspiration to write again. I hope by voicing your opinion it has given you some peace. I would love for you to write up privately and perhaps we could enter your writings into our blog for one time. Or if you need references on a good counselor in your area, I could ask a few colleagues in this field.
After thinking things through, your words also touched upon this:
Jealousy is a secondary emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, particularly in reference to a human connection. Jealousy often consists of a combination of presenting emotions such as anger, sadness, and disgust. It is not to be confused with envy.
I, in no way, want to hurt your feelings, but my way of writing is generally not sugar-coated, and true to the point. I have stated in order for us to move forward, we need to understand each other. We are all in search of what's "perfect" for us, and who wouldn't want help and a little more understanding to find "the one"?
The Man
Monday, March 21, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Q & A with The Man
Dear reader who posted this question:
"I have been reading and following this for a little while and have a question for The Man. You're here talking about how women are or are not dating material. But the question is; are you, The Man, dating material? I think not since you're already in your mid 30s and still not settled down, from what I've read. It seems like you are a fun guy, willing to try anything and everything, but not a keeper. You're just for fun. But would like your answer."
I must say I actually smiled as soon as I read this and am glad someone had the balls to ask.
Am I/the Man a "keeper"? I would have to say, I couldn’t answer that question. Do I "think" I am...It depends whom you ask. I will say this...I have been on many dates, many long and short-term relationships, and 80% have wanted much more from me. They thought I was a "keeper" and scared me off! Let me give you a few examples. I meet someone; we "click" I am really into her, but within weeks/sometimes days already planning our futures together. Some have asked "how soon would you have a kid with me" or told me they "love" me in no time at all. Most of these women are just so happy to meet someone halfway normal, they are ready to do anything to keep me. Another way to judge if I am a "keeper" would be to ask everyone I’ve dated. I assume if you knew me, you would realize I am a decent guy. The number of ex-girlfriends whom still consider me a friend, and ask my advice at times also reflects this. How many people do you know that have 90% of their ex-girlfriends on their facebook, or remain friends after a break-up? That has to at least say we all split on good terms, right? I’m not a dick, and very honest, but am I a "keeper" depends on your list of requirements. I think we all have someone just perfect for us. It just takes time to realize what you really want out of your partner. You have to realize I write to give "my/the man" point of view. This does not reflect all males, but I would imagine a good percent agree with me. I have not read many men disagreeing with what I’ve written, but I'm sure there are some who think I'm nuts. In life people have different standards, morals, ideas, and so much more... I hope what I write did not upset you, but I must say I only tend to get upset when things are hitting home. Did I touch on something inside of you in one of my blogs? Am I correct in anything I am writing? Who knows! It’s just my point of view. I appreciate asking me, and wish I had more to answer your question. I have to tell you, I only write bits and pieces of my life, but I know I am judged upon that alone. I have entered a blog where I am the only man in a world of bad relationships. I expected some backlash from day one and will take it in stride. I don’t think too many men would be willing to write about their thoughts, feelings, or ideas to over 37,000 people. All I can do is try. I will look into this more and answer any future questions as well. Hope this helps.
The Man
"I have been reading and following this for a little while and have a question for The Man. You're here talking about how women are or are not dating material. But the question is; are you, The Man, dating material? I think not since you're already in your mid 30s and still not settled down, from what I've read. It seems like you are a fun guy, willing to try anything and everything, but not a keeper. You're just for fun. But would like your answer."
I must say I actually smiled as soon as I read this and am glad someone had the balls to ask.
Am I/the Man a "keeper"? I would have to say, I couldn’t answer that question. Do I "think" I am...It depends whom you ask. I will say this...I have been on many dates, many long and short-term relationships, and 80% have wanted much more from me. They thought I was a "keeper" and scared me off! Let me give you a few examples. I meet someone; we "click" I am really into her, but within weeks/sometimes days already planning our futures together. Some have asked "how soon would you have a kid with me" or told me they "love" me in no time at all. Most of these women are just so happy to meet someone halfway normal, they are ready to do anything to keep me. Another way to judge if I am a "keeper" would be to ask everyone I’ve dated. I assume if you knew me, you would realize I am a decent guy. The number of ex-girlfriends whom still consider me a friend, and ask my advice at times also reflects this. How many people do you know that have 90% of their ex-girlfriends on their facebook, or remain friends after a break-up? That has to at least say we all split on good terms, right? I’m not a dick, and very honest, but am I a "keeper" depends on your list of requirements. I think we all have someone just perfect for us. It just takes time to realize what you really want out of your partner. You have to realize I write to give "my/the man" point of view. This does not reflect all males, but I would imagine a good percent agree with me. I have not read many men disagreeing with what I’ve written, but I'm sure there are some who think I'm nuts. In life people have different standards, morals, ideas, and so much more... I hope what I write did not upset you, but I must say I only tend to get upset when things are hitting home. Did I touch on something inside of you in one of my blogs? Am I correct in anything I am writing? Who knows! It’s just my point of view. I appreciate asking me, and wish I had more to answer your question. I have to tell you, I only write bits and pieces of my life, but I know I am judged upon that alone. I have entered a blog where I am the only man in a world of bad relationships. I expected some backlash from day one and will take it in stride. I don’t think too many men would be willing to write about their thoughts, feelings, or ideas to over 37,000 people. All I can do is try. I will look into this more and answer any future questions as well. Hope this helps.
The Man
Is Your Man a Keeper?
I saw this tonight and had to re-post it. Are these the signs a man is a "keeper"? If so, you be the judge if I am a "keeper". As I read this I swear I touched on a good amount of these in my blogs, but maybe I didn't. A woman also wrote this, so I would be interested if this is what you are looking for? What do women want? Please feel free to tell me. I love to learn.
In the complicated world of love and relationship how can a woman recognize if her guy is a keeper? You think you have found "the one" but you are not sure. Although there are no hard and fast rules about what makes a Mr. Right, here are 10 widely accepted signs that say your guy may be a keeper.
1. His energy barometer is the same as yours.
The possibility of a long-term relationship exists if you and your guy have the same energy level. If you enjoy being active, going for walks, hiking and the like and he enjoys being on the go, then your relationship is in the long-term zone.
2. Respect
Here are few behaviors that show he respects you
* He accepts that you have a life of your own and does not invade your privacy.
* He's comfortable when you read your text messages in front of him - even if he does not know who sent them.
* He's not jealous when you spend time with your family and friends.
* He does not feel he is entitled to go everywhere with you.
* When he calls and you don't answer the phone - he does not assume you are up to no good.
* He lets you know if he's going to be late.
* If you have children - he does not compete with them for your attention.
3. He's your # 1 Fan
If your guy nurtures your confidence, applauds your accomplishments, and his words and actions give you those "feel good" feelings - yeah, he's a keeper all right.
4. He's all grown up
Your guy is on top of his game. He's not a whiny, blaming others, hating his family and ex girl friends. He knows who is - knows what he wants and taking action to create his dream life. This is a guy you will be having fun with.
5. Inconveniences himself for you
Let's face it, life happens and sometimes the unexpected can wreak havoc with your day. If you need his help and you call him when he's asleep or when he's doing something of importance - he goes into the "I want to help you" mode and his creative mind finds a way to help you.
6. He is kind
Even though he may not have a child or a pet - when he comes in contact with an unhappy child or a sick animal - he shows genuine concern and he shows respect for the elderly.
7. He keeps his word
When I was growing up my mother's mantra "your word is your bond" still echoes in my mind. If your guy makes a concerted effort to keep his word - take him home to meet your family.
8. Spends time with your family and friends
He accepts that your family and friends are an important part of your life - he factors time into his schedule - to occasionally spend time with them.
9. Pays attention to you
It's your mom's birthday and he remembers her favorite restaurant and surprises you both by driving there. The way to a woman's heart is through her mother.
10. Accepts your quirky habits
You like to sleep with your feet outside the blanket. You only eat your salad if it's room temperature. Quirky yes, but your Mr. Right does not care. He accepts you just the way you are.
There are many more signs that could signify that the man in your life is a keeper. I hope these help with your decision. If he's a keeper, celebrate what you have in common and embrace the differences. These differences will make your relationship more vibrant.
The Man
In the complicated world of love and relationship how can a woman recognize if her guy is a keeper? You think you have found "the one" but you are not sure. Although there are no hard and fast rules about what makes a Mr. Right, here are 10 widely accepted signs that say your guy may be a keeper.
1. His energy barometer is the same as yours.
The possibility of a long-term relationship exists if you and your guy have the same energy level. If you enjoy being active, going for walks, hiking and the like and he enjoys being on the go, then your relationship is in the long-term zone.
2. Respect
Here are few behaviors that show he respects you
* He accepts that you have a life of your own and does not invade your privacy.
* He's comfortable when you read your text messages in front of him - even if he does not know who sent them.
* He's not jealous when you spend time with your family and friends.
* He does not feel he is entitled to go everywhere with you.
* When he calls and you don't answer the phone - he does not assume you are up to no good.
* He lets you know if he's going to be late.
* If you have children - he does not compete with them for your attention.
3. He's your # 1 Fan
If your guy nurtures your confidence, applauds your accomplishments, and his words and actions give you those "feel good" feelings - yeah, he's a keeper all right.
4. He's all grown up
Your guy is on top of his game. He's not a whiny, blaming others, hating his family and ex girl friends. He knows who is - knows what he wants and taking action to create his dream life. This is a guy you will be having fun with.
5. Inconveniences himself for you
Let's face it, life happens and sometimes the unexpected can wreak havoc with your day. If you need his help and you call him when he's asleep or when he's doing something of importance - he goes into the "I want to help you" mode and his creative mind finds a way to help you.
6. He is kind
Even though he may not have a child or a pet - when he comes in contact with an unhappy child or a sick animal - he shows genuine concern and he shows respect for the elderly.
7. He keeps his word
When I was growing up my mother's mantra "your word is your bond" still echoes in my mind. If your guy makes a concerted effort to keep his word - take him home to meet your family.
8. Spends time with your family and friends
He accepts that your family and friends are an important part of your life - he factors time into his schedule - to occasionally spend time with them.
9. Pays attention to you
It's your mom's birthday and he remembers her favorite restaurant and surprises you both by driving there. The way to a woman's heart is through her mother.
10. Accepts your quirky habits
You like to sleep with your feet outside the blanket. You only eat your salad if it's room temperature. Quirky yes, but your Mr. Right does not care. He accepts you just the way you are.
There are many more signs that could signify that the man in your life is a keeper. I hope these help with your decision. If he's a keeper, celebrate what you have in common and embrace the differences. These differences will make your relationship more vibrant.
The Man
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Guy Code
After writing my last blog, I thought I should add a few things. Below are a few things that explain a few ways to be a "cool girl".
Well, “Cool Girls” understand the facts of life when it comes to how men can be different.
And what’s more… they make these differences work in their favor (and not against them like so many other unfortunate women).
It’s as if they’ve learned this unspoken "guy code" that most other women don’t even know is going on right in front of them.
Im going to try letting you in on some of these codes and guidelines… starting with a few of the big "Don’ts":
"Cool Girl" DON’Ts:
- Cool Girls DON’T exaggerate about what’s going on around them or what a man’s doing, unless they’re doing it as a joke or to make fun of a man in a playful way.
- Cool Girls DON’T say everything that they’re feeling and experiencing. They think before they speak. (Listen up to this one — it’s HUGE.)
- Cool Girls DON’T mention bad situations, issues or problems from the past unless it’s a total must or extremely important and they haven’t been able to talk about it yet. They find the right time for them and their man to talk. Otherwise, Cool Girls live in the present moment.
- Cool Girls DON’T try to FORCE a man to talk about his feelings. They know that it will only backfire and he’ll think she’s being needy and close off.
Now, I know what you’re probably thinking:
"How can they act like that? It sounds like "Cool Girls" are totally fake or devoid of all natural emotion." or what I was told once was a "stepford wife"
WRONG!
"Cool girls" still experience all of the same thoughts and feelings any normal healthy woman has…but, they’ve chosen to adopt a different kind of behavior that will ultimately get them the response that they’re looking for with the man. They acknowledge the irrational ways of men and let that help shape their actions, which results in very powerful, very positive reactions from the men in their lives.
Simply put, they’ve got guys eating out of their hand, even in situations where other women would have caused emotional turmoil and drama. I am sure even after reading this once again, I will still have many more things to add. If you're a guy, what makes a girl stand above the rest , and makes her you're "cool girl"?
The Man
Well, “Cool Girls” understand the facts of life when it comes to how men can be different.
And what’s more… they make these differences work in their favor (and not against them like so many other unfortunate women).
It’s as if they’ve learned this unspoken "guy code" that most other women don’t even know is going on right in front of them.
Im going to try letting you in on some of these codes and guidelines… starting with a few of the big "Don’ts":
"Cool Girl" DON’Ts:
- Cool Girls DON’T exaggerate about what’s going on around them or what a man’s doing, unless they’re doing it as a joke or to make fun of a man in a playful way.
- Cool Girls DON’T say everything that they’re feeling and experiencing. They think before they speak. (Listen up to this one — it’s HUGE.)
- Cool Girls DON’T mention bad situations, issues or problems from the past unless it’s a total must or extremely important and they haven’t been able to talk about it yet. They find the right time for them and their man to talk. Otherwise, Cool Girls live in the present moment.
- Cool Girls DON’T try to FORCE a man to talk about his feelings. They know that it will only backfire and he’ll think she’s being needy and close off.
Now, I know what you’re probably thinking:
"How can they act like that? It sounds like "Cool Girls" are totally fake or devoid of all natural emotion." or what I was told once was a "stepford wife"
WRONG!
"Cool girls" still experience all of the same thoughts and feelings any normal healthy woman has…but, they’ve chosen to adopt a different kind of behavior that will ultimately get them the response that they’re looking for with the man. They acknowledge the irrational ways of men and let that help shape their actions, which results in very powerful, very positive reactions from the men in their lives.
Simply put, they’ve got guys eating out of their hand, even in situations where other women would have caused emotional turmoil and drama. I am sure even after reading this once again, I will still have many more things to add. If you're a guy, what makes a girl stand above the rest , and makes her you're "cool girl"?
The Man
Are You Girlfriend Material?
I have recently had numerous discussions with a few women and they just don't get it. I am hoping this helps you get inside our heads a little more. Did you know that most men decide if a woman is "girlfriend material" within a few seconds of meeting her?
If you don’t know how to create the right first impression with a man, then you just might get thrown into the "just a friend" category before you can even talk to or connect with him. Everything that you do after a man gets that initial impression about you is run through the "she’s just a friend" filter… and this can make being in the "friend zone" almost inescapable. Learn the mistakes lots of women make in first and second impressions that land them in the "friend zone"
WHY A MAN RECOGNIZES ONE WOMAN AS "RELATIONSHIP MATERIAL" AND ANOTHER AS JUST A "FLING". Did you know that men have several specific terms and phrases that they use with each other to think of and describe women?
It’s a sort of "guy code" that men everywhere use with each other and their friends. One of my favorites that I often use is "cool girl". I'm sure most of you guys know exactly what I'm talking about, but let's face it, without me giving some of our secrets, they will never understand.
Here goes: when a man says, "Yea, I met this girl the other night and she was a really "cool girl". As simple as this sounds, the meaning that we use this term is because applies to a set of very specific qualities.Qualities that, although never actually discussed among men, are universally understood. We want the "cool girl," the one who is willing to try whatever, but able to be herself while doing so.
Quick quiz here for you:
1) You’ve got cool fashion sense.
2) Great taste in music.
3) You hang with the hippest friends at the hottest spots.
4) And you’re often the life of the party.
So, that makes you a "Cool Girl", right? Not necessarily.
Well, for starters, MEN DON’T MAKE SENSE. We don't give a crap about half those things. We don't care what you drive, what type of job you have, the fancy clothes, how many places you've been, and so much more that you "think" impresses us. Men, on the other hand, need to have all that materialistic bullshit to land 80% of you. The more you try and use logic and reason to figure us out, the more you’re going to become frustrated and upset.It may seem simple, but men think of women as "cool girls" when they see that a woman understands something that other women can’t even see going on. We see that a cool girl "gets it" on a level that lots of other women don’t. They demonstrate to men certain social and emotional understandings and ways of behaving that resonate deeply, without having to be talked about or explained. To put it another way, "cool girls" exude positive emotional energy that men can relate to. They are naturally the kind of women who every man is inexplicably drawn to, even if they dont look like a supermodel. It's something you either have or not.
Signs of not being a "cool girl":
Has a man ever accused you of being too emotional, moody, spoiled, or worse – maybe some guy actually called you hysterical or needy? or even a "stalker type"? Whatever he called you, it was the start of him closing off or getting irritated with you and things going wrong in the conversation. Some times, its best to just stop there! but some of you push and push til there's no return. In fact, it’s standard behavior for most men to react to a woman with withdrawal or frustration in these kinds of conversations.
Is it the right thing for a man to do? Obviously not, but you might be forgetting that WE DONT MAKE SENSE! I’m not saying that honesty isn’t important or that you’re not entitled to feel how you feel But, in order to make a relationship work, it’s CRITICAL for you to understand that men simply aren’t wired the same way that women are when it comes to connecting on an emotional level. We open up, connect, and become emotionally committed in different ways, and for different reasons than most women do.
Unfortunately, lots of women never really learn what these differences are… so they go about trying to build a connection, attraction, and a lasting relationship with a man by doing what they think works for them.
It’s time to change the ways a man often responds to you with frustration,
instead, learn what will get him to finally and at long last listen, learn, and connect with you on a deeper emotional level. The key is UNDERSTANDING the buttons that will cause most men to stop listening and withdraw and instead learn how to communicate directly and easily with the part of his personality and mind that’s open and receptive to love, affection, and connection with you. Men want love and to connect with a woman more than they like to show…
The Man
If you don’t know how to create the right first impression with a man, then you just might get thrown into the "just a friend" category before you can even talk to or connect with him. Everything that you do after a man gets that initial impression about you is run through the "she’s just a friend" filter… and this can make being in the "friend zone" almost inescapable. Learn the mistakes lots of women make in first and second impressions that land them in the "friend zone"
WHY A MAN RECOGNIZES ONE WOMAN AS "RELATIONSHIP MATERIAL" AND ANOTHER AS JUST A "FLING". Did you know that men have several specific terms and phrases that they use with each other to think of and describe women?
It’s a sort of "guy code" that men everywhere use with each other and their friends. One of my favorites that I often use is "cool girl". I'm sure most of you guys know exactly what I'm talking about, but let's face it, without me giving some of our secrets, they will never understand.
Here goes: when a man says, "Yea, I met this girl the other night and she was a really "cool girl". As simple as this sounds, the meaning that we use this term is because applies to a set of very specific qualities.Qualities that, although never actually discussed among men, are universally understood. We want the "cool girl," the one who is willing to try whatever, but able to be herself while doing so.
Quick quiz here for you:
1) You’ve got cool fashion sense.
2) Great taste in music.
3) You hang with the hippest friends at the hottest spots.
4) And you’re often the life of the party.
So, that makes you a "Cool Girl", right? Not necessarily.
Well, for starters, MEN DON’T MAKE SENSE. We don't give a crap about half those things. We don't care what you drive, what type of job you have, the fancy clothes, how many places you've been, and so much more that you "think" impresses us. Men, on the other hand, need to have all that materialistic bullshit to land 80% of you. The more you try and use logic and reason to figure us out, the more you’re going to become frustrated and upset.It may seem simple, but men think of women as "cool girls" when they see that a woman understands something that other women can’t even see going on. We see that a cool girl "gets it" on a level that lots of other women don’t. They demonstrate to men certain social and emotional understandings and ways of behaving that resonate deeply, without having to be talked about or explained. To put it another way, "cool girls" exude positive emotional energy that men can relate to. They are naturally the kind of women who every man is inexplicably drawn to, even if they dont look like a supermodel. It's something you either have or not.
Signs of not being a "cool girl":
Has a man ever accused you of being too emotional, moody, spoiled, or worse – maybe some guy actually called you hysterical or needy? or even a "stalker type"? Whatever he called you, it was the start of him closing off or getting irritated with you and things going wrong in the conversation. Some times, its best to just stop there! but some of you push and push til there's no return. In fact, it’s standard behavior for most men to react to a woman with withdrawal or frustration in these kinds of conversations.
Is it the right thing for a man to do? Obviously not, but you might be forgetting that WE DONT MAKE SENSE! I’m not saying that honesty isn’t important or that you’re not entitled to feel how you feel But, in order to make a relationship work, it’s CRITICAL for you to understand that men simply aren’t wired the same way that women are when it comes to connecting on an emotional level. We open up, connect, and become emotionally committed in different ways, and for different reasons than most women do.
Unfortunately, lots of women never really learn what these differences are… so they go about trying to build a connection, attraction, and a lasting relationship with a man by doing what they think works for them.
It’s time to change the ways a man often responds to you with frustration,
instead, learn what will get him to finally and at long last listen, learn, and connect with you on a deeper emotional level. The key is UNDERSTANDING the buttons that will cause most men to stop listening and withdraw and instead learn how to communicate directly and easily with the part of his personality and mind that’s open and receptive to love, affection, and connection with you. Men want love and to connect with a woman more than they like to show…
The Man
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Expectations
As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't suppose to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back.
I have entered into the world of online dating with big dreams and an open mind, but with little expectations. Sure it's exciting to open your inbox and discover dozens of messages and winks from strangers, but in this search for the almighty soulmate your heart will probably be crushed and your ego bruised. Brush the silence and "he's not that into you" vibe off and continue marching along the yellow brick road.
If you put your hopes on the top tier you will most likely feel like you got the short end of the stick. So aim high, start a conversation with the gorgeous model who you most likely would never approach in person and see where life takes you. If nothing else there is a funny story to be told.
Kate
I have entered into the world of online dating with big dreams and an open mind, but with little expectations. Sure it's exciting to open your inbox and discover dozens of messages and winks from strangers, but in this search for the almighty soulmate your heart will probably be crushed and your ego bruised. Brush the silence and "he's not that into you" vibe off and continue marching along the yellow brick road.
If you put your hopes on the top tier you will most likely feel like you got the short end of the stick. So aim high, start a conversation with the gorgeous model who you most likely would never approach in person and see where life takes you. If nothing else there is a funny story to be told.
Kate
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
When is Enough, Enough?
I haven’t had too much to write about in the recent days but thought I could transfer a situation I am going through into something many of you have once questioned, or perhaps going through.
I recently adopted a new dog. If you've been reading our tales and misfortunes, you would understand what kind of step this was for me. I am an animal lover (cats not so much), and last month a woman was walking down my street with a leash in hand. She asked if I had seen a dog. I told her I've been out here for a while and have seen nothing. As she continued walking, a reddish colored dog comes up to me and sits down at my feet. I knew this must have been the dog she was looking for. She returned about fifteen minutes later and I asked, "Is this the dog you're looking for?" she said, "Yes, it sure is". We then talked about how her son had found the dog out in the Everglades and miles away from civilization. He brought it home in attempts to find it a new home with no avail. She then explained that she was going to drop his off at the humane society the following day. I knew due to the type of dog he was, he would be put down in no time at all. I then did what I "thought" was the right thing to do...I took him in.
I have now had him for over a month, spent over five hundred dollars on vaccinations, registrations, food, toys, a cage, and so much more. This is where I am going to try to translate it into a "relationship situation" for you to relate. There are many signs that indicate when and inevitably why enough is enough. However, many of us often fall victim to the classic case of denial. We allow ourselves to believe that he or she will change or that the situation will blow over eventually. We create continuous excuses that will only create false hope and wishful thinking. It is incredibly hard to just throw in the towel and call it quits, especially after investing so much time and effort into the relationship. This dog has been nothing but problems but due to my heart and how cute he is, I thought he would change. In relationships we think this same thing, or often think they are going through a "phase". Many are so attracted or lonely that we try to overlook these faults, but the reality is we are in denial of the facts.
Every relationship goes through hard times and manages through, making it to the other side with a bit more experience behind them. Not every bump in the road is reason to give the whole relationship up, but there are some things that are plenty of reason to say, "enough is enough" and move on alone. When is enough, enough? That is only for you to answer. Where is your tolerance level? I was raised with old school beliefs and while in a relationship will do everything in my power to make it work, but if I am the only one working to keep it alive, then all my efforts are going nowhere.
“Relationships-of all kinds-are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost.”
After dating someone for a while, you just know. It does not have to be a long time either. There are clues that will put a light on in your head. Don’t waste time waiting for something to happen that never will. On the other hand, if there is a guy/girl that you like but you find you are doing all the attempts to contact, they are not that into you! Relationships and getting to know someone are a two way street. If you're doing all the work, they may have turned off your road a long time ago. Be fair to yourself and don’t allow yourself to be mistreated. Vie said it a million times...IF A GUY REALLY LIKES YOU, HE WILL DO EVERYTHING IN HIS POWER TO BE WITH YOU. Women call me all the time asking for advice. I may not know everything, but I do know when a guy likes you he will show it. Don't search for excuses or believe his. If there is always a reason to not see you, it's as simple as: HE DOESN'T WANT TO.
So now I have had enough, and trying to figure out my options for this dog. I will not allow him to destroy everything I have worked hard for, but I will not let him be put to sleep as well. I have tried everything in my power to make him a happy home, but have received nothing in return except for grief. On a daily basis I am just counting the money he chews up or ruins. I have had many dogs in the past, and know how to train them, but this one has no hope. My frustration levels are high, and heart goes out for him, but something has to give. So when is enough, enough? I've hit my point!
The Man
I recently adopted a new dog. If you've been reading our tales and misfortunes, you would understand what kind of step this was for me. I am an animal lover (cats not so much), and last month a woman was walking down my street with a leash in hand. She asked if I had seen a dog. I told her I've been out here for a while and have seen nothing. As she continued walking, a reddish colored dog comes up to me and sits down at my feet. I knew this must have been the dog she was looking for. She returned about fifteen minutes later and I asked, "Is this the dog you're looking for?" she said, "Yes, it sure is". We then talked about how her son had found the dog out in the Everglades and miles away from civilization. He brought it home in attempts to find it a new home with no avail. She then explained that she was going to drop his off at the humane society the following day. I knew due to the type of dog he was, he would be put down in no time at all. I then did what I "thought" was the right thing to do...I took him in.
I have now had him for over a month, spent over five hundred dollars on vaccinations, registrations, food, toys, a cage, and so much more. This is where I am going to try to translate it into a "relationship situation" for you to relate. There are many signs that indicate when and inevitably why enough is enough. However, many of us often fall victim to the classic case of denial. We allow ourselves to believe that he or she will change or that the situation will blow over eventually. We create continuous excuses that will only create false hope and wishful thinking. It is incredibly hard to just throw in the towel and call it quits, especially after investing so much time and effort into the relationship. This dog has been nothing but problems but due to my heart and how cute he is, I thought he would change. In relationships we think this same thing, or often think they are going through a "phase". Many are so attracted or lonely that we try to overlook these faults, but the reality is we are in denial of the facts.
Every relationship goes through hard times and manages through, making it to the other side with a bit more experience behind them. Not every bump in the road is reason to give the whole relationship up, but there are some things that are plenty of reason to say, "enough is enough" and move on alone. When is enough, enough? That is only for you to answer. Where is your tolerance level? I was raised with old school beliefs and while in a relationship will do everything in my power to make it work, but if I am the only one working to keep it alive, then all my efforts are going nowhere.
“Relationships-of all kinds-are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost.”
After dating someone for a while, you just know. It does not have to be a long time either. There are clues that will put a light on in your head. Don’t waste time waiting for something to happen that never will. On the other hand, if there is a guy/girl that you like but you find you are doing all the attempts to contact, they are not that into you! Relationships and getting to know someone are a two way street. If you're doing all the work, they may have turned off your road a long time ago. Be fair to yourself and don’t allow yourself to be mistreated. Vie said it a million times...IF A GUY REALLY LIKES YOU, HE WILL DO EVERYTHING IN HIS POWER TO BE WITH YOU. Women call me all the time asking for advice. I may not know everything, but I do know when a guy likes you he will show it. Don't search for excuses or believe his. If there is always a reason to not see you, it's as simple as: HE DOESN'T WANT TO.
So now I have had enough, and trying to figure out my options for this dog. I will not allow him to destroy everything I have worked hard for, but I will not let him be put to sleep as well. I have tried everything in my power to make him a happy home, but have received nothing in return except for grief. On a daily basis I am just counting the money he chews up or ruins. I have had many dogs in the past, and know how to train them, but this one has no hope. My frustration levels are high, and heart goes out for him, but something has to give. So when is enough, enough? I've hit my point!
The Man
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