Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Outward Bound

This isn't about connection for you. This isn't even about sex for you. This is about finding an outward relief for the pain of being you....And that's fine with me, see, because all I want is the exact same thing..

It seems the days/weeks are passing faster and faster these days without relief in sight. After speaking with numerous friends, no one is at a point in their lives in which they were years past. Many are struggling with either money issues, or the loneliness in which they are not accustomed to. We often think we are alone, but as soon as we discuss where we are, you will realize you're not. Depression is on a rise, as well as the divorce rate and unhappy relationships. They say "money cant buy love or happiness" but it sure can help with the issues affecting most these days. Some of us turn to others in hopes of feeling better ourselves, but the reality is, we need to be happy before we can make others happy. The light of this tunnel is very dim these days, without a flashlight in hand.

I find myself dating people who have been struggling for some time, or often looking for an outlet or something totally different from their norm. I am not something to get over the pain of being yourself ! I too am at a point of new experiences, but it seems somewhat unfair to play with my emotions. Why lie about your happiness and use me for a temporary pawn for your happiness? You may wonder why I have dated so many and never found what I'm looking for, but through experience comes wisdom and knowledge. I will not just be with someone due to the fact I'm lonely! My recent months have been a struggle to find someone with true common interests and not just dating until something better comes along. I invest 100% when I'm truly attracted, and just looking for the same in return. Is this too much to ask?

I have taken a different approach to dating than most. I have been trying my luck online and it seems not to be working so far. Do I meet many people? I sure do..But 98% of the people I meet are just what I call "meet & greets". (in other words, we meet and the "connection" factor is not there on one side or another so we most likely never speak again). But every once and a while, I meet someone whom I am attracted to, and it seems they are as well. The "connection" seems to be there so I turn up my charm (but not to look desperate). It's a tough task at times!! You want to do and say so much, but you then think "whoa!! that might scare them away", so you hold off...This constant mind battle of "should I or shouldn't I" plays hell on the thought process. I always act myself, but may be a little more reserved until I know the feelings are mutual. The frustration factors are high at times...I just want to know "do you like me? Do you want more? " It seems to be a timed process in which is a give and take situation on both parties, but I often wonder why do people continue to talk, text, and want to go out if they only see you as a friend. Is it the free drinks, dinners, and the excitement I bring to the table? Or do they really like me? Well, I guess only time will tell, but the thoughts of alone forever fill my mind daily.
The Man

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