Thursday, September 22, 2011

Lost Mojo

Taking the advice of The Man I recently revised my online dating profile to be more witty and honest with a dash of jackass. Seeing how it worked wonders when he told women he was "not looking for a relationship and might not return messages often."

At first it seemed to be working. More men were starting conversations, but the crop of eligible bachelors online is very depressing and slim picking.

Potential matches included a 38 yr. old guy who made a point of mentioning he owned a condo in his profile and that for fun on the weekend he was renovating the bathroom which made him feel so grown up. (This wasn't a joke.)
Actually you sound boring and too "grown up" for me.

The Catholic school teacher who volunteered on the weekends at the local Church.
What part of I am not religious did you not get?

The fifty-two year old who the hell knows.
Seriously? You need to get your eyes checks, because clearly you must have read my "seeking men 30-38 yrs. old" as something very different.

When I did a reverse search, where you can see who is looking for someone like you. It showed me men primarily in Atlanta, Arkansas and Colorado. All of whom look like they may have been on Dateline's To Catch a Predator.

I thought honesty was the best policy, but I'm starting to think that when it comes to online dating it makes men afraid to start a conversation.

Here is my rather hilarious attitude filled profile:

Trying to pitch myself on a dating site is not exactly easy or something I ever imagined doing, but the bar scene isn't exactly what it use to be. Walking around in high heels is fun a couple nights a week, but not every night. If I can lounge around at home and still possibly meet a great guy I figured why not give this whole online dating thing a spin.

I'm an adventurous gal with a dry sense of humor. I'm brutally honest about what I want which can be misread. If you are a banker, lawyer or any other office type 9-5 job we probably won't have a good chemistry in person. I don't want to waste your time either.

I'm NOT looking to be engaged or married any time in the near future or possibly ever. I've been down that road already and it didn't end well. I would like to have kids one day, but again not in the near future (at least 3 years from now). So, if you are in a rush to put a ring on it or are looking for a housewife I'm not your cup of tea.

I'm not necessarily looking for anything more than a fun guy to spend time with. I don't have a lot of free time, but I will make time for the right guy.

What I'm looking for in a guy is someone who is adventurous, funny, a risk taker, ambitious and confident. I also like a man who has a creative side and has a great sense of humor. When we’re not working, I want to be able to laugh hard and laugh often.

Things to know about me and Match:

1) If you favorite me on here before we have even communicated I will not respond. It's odd and is a turn off.

2) Please don't just wink - either wink and send a short message or just send a message. If you are interested say so. Don't fear rejection.

3) I am not your Sweetie, Honey or any other baby name and I never will be.

3) There is a reason why we both took the time to answer basic questions about ourselves. It can quickly eliminate our matches so neither party is wasting their time. Therefore,
If your Sundays revolve around what time Church is please don't bother contacting me.
If you absolutely do not want kids ever, again do not contact me.
If you are old enough to be my father, do not contact me.

If you are still reading, hit me up. No harm in a friendly chit chat via a computer screen. I won't bite. I promise. :)


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